Knutty4Knitting

My Weekend

2008-03-30T19:31:00.000-07:00

I am very excited....I had a meeting with my boss on Friday, and he wants me to take the lead in writing all of the grants and some business development for our department. This is a great opportunity for me, and if it works out, then I will just scratch my moving to China plans.

Plus, I demo-ed my sock machine on Saturday to a wonderful and excited crowd, and even had three people ask if I would knit socks for them! And one of them was a lady with only 1 leg, so she said she only needed one sock! Unfortunately, I had to turn them all down because I am so busy...... The other neat thing is that I was asked by the San Diego machine knitting guild to demo my sock machine during their monthly meeting......I said yes, of course......

I was so nervous to do the demo, because I am basically a newbie to sock knitting, but Helen at Newtons said I would be fine, so I showed up. The women for the first session were so excited, because apparently they all have sock machines but don't know how to use them. I gave them my caveat: I only started knitting in November and I don't know how to use the ribber yet (which was fine, since I forgot to bring it anyway), but I would take them through the process of knitting a mock rib hemtop sock. I was dripping sweat, but the women were so encouraging. They knew I was new and they just wanted to see someone actually using a sock machine. Thank goodness there were two wonderful and experienced sock machine knitters there, and they helped answer questions and helped me when I had problems.

Anyway, I showed them how to set-up and how to pick up dropped stitches (there were a lot of opportunities for that!), how to shortrow the heel and toe, etc. I showed them all the different parts of the machines and my tools. I also told them how lucky I was that the woman I bought my machine from was so generous and included everything I needed to start knitting, from extra needles to the buckle and weights to the stitch picker upper to the mesh bag that most women use to start knitting (I prefer the set-up bonnet now) to a video that showed me how to set up my machine to lots of different instructions and patterns for knitting a sock. The only thing I have bought for my machine was the yarn carrier thingee, but not because anything was wrong with the one that I received with my machine. I bought the new one a few weeks ago because I saw it on Laurie's (the lady I bought my machine from) machine and it has a slot on the top which allows one to take the yarn out. I really like it. Anyway, I also got to hear disaster stories about CSMs bought on the web, and how some machines didn't come with this or that....it made me realize how lucky I am! Thanks, Laurie!!!!! Laurie and I have become friends and still keep in touch, and now she's become a flatbed machine knitter, too!

Anyway, the women were so great...they were oohing and aaahing over my pathetic demo and basically, they made me feel great, despite the many dropped stitches and holes in the sock...they said they just wanted to see how a sock was made and didn't care about all my mistakes........What an ego booster!

And finally, last night my closest friends took me out to dinner for my birthday and it was fiasco. I picked a Filipino restaurant and took the liberty of choosing the food, since I was early and I know Filipino food. Well, how was I to know that Liz is allergic to seafood, Robin doesn't eat pork, Marny is a vegetarian, and Janet doesn't eat garlic or onions? I ordered this HUGE platter of meat (which my sister in law recommended) that had tons of pork, chicken and beef marinated in a garlic sauce, lumpia (egg rolls) which was made of pork and shrimp, pancit (the noodles) with the seafood and pork taken out, but which was cooked with a lot of garlic, and garlic-fried rice. We ordered catfish for Marny but she didn't like it, Janet made a big scene about there not being any salad (lettuce is not one of the Filipino food crops, although there was a mango/tomato/onion/salted egg salad) and all the grilled fish being cooked with tons of garlic, but finally she found a garlic-free grilled tilapia she liked....the whole dinner was a disaster......but Robin and Liz liked the food, and I got to take home tons of meat, fried rice, and noodles.......

All about my first first date in 6 years

2008-03-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

My last first date was with Robert, who passed away almost two years ago. This is an excerpt from a note I wrote to a friend who wanted to know how my date went.

It was with my son's ex-boss from an internship he had last summer. We met in October and he's been calling and emailing me ever since, on and off, but the number and intensity of his calls have increased over the last few weeks (I got 10 emails from him yesterday alone at one of my accounts, so just double that for my two active work and personal accounts and that is 20!) . I finally agreed to meet him today for lunch and I just thank God it was in the middle of the day at a very busy restaurant and I drove my own car.

I had called all my girlfriends and we compiled a list of questions I wanted to ask him because he had somehow avoided talking about his personal life, but 20 minutes into the date, I decided I didn't like him enough to care to know the answers. I was bored to death the first hour (he told me all about the different ways we can use household vinegar to clean the house and fruit, and destroy bacteria on our bodies). But here's a clue to his personal life: he over-ordered the food (it was dimsum), and told me it was all for me to take home. When I demurred, he insisted. When I insisted right back that there was only one of me at home and I was still living off of the leftovers from last week when I took my dad to dinner twice, he said, well, it's kind of awkward because I am living with a roommate temporarily (believe me, he DOES NOT look like the roommate type!) because I am in the process of getting a divorce. I let that concept roll around in my head for a bit and decided to let it pass, because after all, I really had no intention of ever seeing him again. In other words, the creep is MARRIED!!!!

When he finally went to pay the check, he must have taken a viagra or something because when he came back, I could tell he was incredibly turned on. He wanted me to pull my chair closer to him. I declined. He wanted to hold my hand. I asked why, and after he asked again, I stuck my hand out in a give me five fashion (as opposed to putting my hand in his like a sweet little thing). He rubbed the palm of my hand for a bit, then when I asked him he was going to read my palm, he stopped.

Then he started complimenting my shoes and saying my shoes were sexy (which they are!) and I had good taste in shoes. Whatever! All of a sudden, he extended his legs under the table and started rubbing his legs against mine. I must have jumped about 5 feet up in the air. I said what are you DOING? I do not even know what he said or how else I responded, I was so shocked. He sat back and said, oh Joy, you are so shy and you are making me so shy, too! (WTF??? Him? Shy?) Then he looked at me again and said in what he must have thought was a sexy voice: (think sexy growl): let's get out of here....let's go for a walk....I was so afraid he was going to drag me to a hotel and rape me!

I straightened up in my chair and in my best little girl's voice I said, I really have to study today. I have a paper due on Wednesday (I don't, but WHATEVER!) and have to download articles (my best friend Robin thought that was the weakest excuse ever!, on the level of I have to wash my hair). He looked at my sincere looking face and said, okay, let me walk you to your car. So we walked, and he let me walk a little ahead of him and I knew he was checking out my big fat butt and my short fat legs and then he started trying again to talk me into going for a walk with him. I started getting nervous because I saw that with the way my car was parked against a wall, he could block off any escape for me and essentially, do whatever he wanted. We got to my car and instead of walking towards my car door, I turned and stuck my hand out and said thank you for the lunch, I had a great time. I leaned in to do one of those cheek to cheek kisses, and we did, then he grabbed my neck and pulled me even closer and tried to kiss me on the lips. YUUUUUCK, I stuck my hand in front of his face and said in a very firm voice: NO! (just like those date rape psa ads...just say no!). I turned my cheek and let him kiss my other cheek. I got in my car and prayed that I wouldn't see him again. However, when I turned out of the parking lot, he was waiting on the street. He motioned for me to stop, so I did and he leaned into my window and said, when you email something to me, be careful, because it is a public server and everyone can read what comes in. AS IF!!!!!!! Oh my God, the man was delusional! So I said okay, will do, bye. And drove like a bat out of hell.

So I drove all the way to the Valley to give the mountain of food he made me take home with me to my nephew because I did not want any memories of this horrible afternoon. While driving there, I was telling my best friend Robin about the lunch, and he called me. I said, Robin, he's on the other line! What do I do???? She said, answer him, find out what he wants, and call me right back!!!!! I took the call and he said that I made him so shy (OH. MY. GOD. The man does not have a shy cell in his fucking body!) that he forgot to give me two presents he had bought for me, and he wanted to get together so he could give it to me personally. I said oh, no you don't have to......he insisted, so to get off the phone, I said all right. Now, if I EVER, and I mean EVER, say I am going to meet this guy again, I want you to tie me to a tree and sit on me until the feeling passes or the people from UCLA's NPI come and get me and put me in for a 72 hour lockup. PROMISE ME THIS!!!!!

There is so much more...but these are the highlights (or lowlights, as the case may be). I can't stop thinking about what happened and after I post this am going to take a nice hot shower and scrub down. I feel filthy, although nothing physical happened. I also feel incredibly grossed out. He was just soooo disrespectful!

No Photos Again! and other rambling confessional thoughts.....

2008-01-28T23:47:00.001-08:00

Sorry, but I keep forgetting to take photos to post on here. I'll try to remember to do it this weekend, but no promises!

My son and my ex-husband are back and they are staying with me in my tiny little place. The good news is, my ex was so appalled at my living conditions that he totally cleaned up the place.....he even cleaned out the refrigerator and straightened up my bedroom!!!! The bad news is, now that he's fixed my place to his liking, it looks like he's going to stay awhile.....and so is my son....

About my son.....that old saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder must be true, because when he was in the Philippines or when he was at Carnegie Mellon for college, I really missed him. But right now I can't stand him because he's a disrespectful brat.....and I can't wait for him to go back to the Philippines and come back to Los Angeles only when he has grown up and out of the terrible 22's.
I mean it, he really is a brat.....why else would I be at my office at 11:52 on a Monday night.......

I've knit a lot of socks and scarves since I last posted...sorry, I keep forgetting to take pictures.....and last night I finally started on my dress for the debutante's ball. I knit the back, and when I was finished, I held it up to me and wouldn't you know it, but it is too small! I need to add some ease to the pattern. So that means back to the drawing board! I am going to try to do the calculations if I go on jury duty sometime this week....otherwise, I'll try to do it Friday night so I can knit it on Sunday.

I am using Designer 727 yarn (black, of course!) and my Brother 864 standard gauge machine. It took a LONG while for me to get used to knitting garments again! My yarn kept skipping needles until I figured that I needed to put weights on. AFter I did that, then it was smooth sailing all the wwhat it is SUPPOSED to look like versus what it will end up looking like. I have aay. Also, I took the pattern from an old vintage Knitking magazine--I think it was in the 1970's, which could explain the difference in size!!!!!--but unfortunately, I can't find the magazine so I could just scan the photo and post it here so you could see xerox copy of the pattern, but that won't help you in visualizing the dress.

I joined a new gym in Pasadena and have started taking kickboxing classes. They are great....so difficult yet I get a great cardio and strength training workout. I am going to try to go to 4 - 5 classes a week at 5:30 every day. I can't go on Wednesdays because I have class.

Speaking of class, I am getting pretty nervous about starting my dissertation. The stats and research methods teacher is, I have heard, pretty tough. I don't want to do it anymore!!!!!!! I'm scared!!!! and just plain lazy!!!!! I don't want to read boring articles and books and try to come up with an original idea about leadership, higher education, and globalization! Why? Because I really really don't care about any of that stuff!!!!!! I don't want to go to China in May!!! There's too much pollution there!!!! I saw it in the New York Times!!!!! I don't want to go the the Philippines in May either because all the women there are skinny and I feel like a bull in a china shop when I'm there!!!! Even when I was a size 6 and 8, my American shoulders and hips were broader than theirs!!!! Not fair because I'm Filipino, too, and it's not my fault that the quality of food is better in America and so I'm just....well, BIGGER......height wise and width wise and weight wise than everyone else over there!!!!!!! waaaaasaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Well, okay, while I'm on this rant, I wish I could talk about other things, like my new/old crush, but this is a knitting blog and I'm supposed to stick to knitting stuff......waaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.......

I know! I will open another blog for my deepest darkest secrets....hehehe......

Look What I Bought This Weekend!

2008-01-14T06:23:00.000-08:00

I went to Newtons this weekend to hear a presentation and I ended up buying a cone winder! Woo Hoo!!!!! And lots of yarn..... Not so great, but I did end up making the scarf for a dean at Barnard who helped my daughter tremendously. Okay, so it is 4 years late, but better late than never, I say!

I also bought some yarn for my niece's wedding gift....yes, the wedding that was 2 years ago......Once I decide on a pattern, I'll knit it!

I"m still avoiding charting the dress I'm supposed to knit for the debutante's ball on February 9th. Don't know why I am avoiding it.......maybe because I'm praying I will lose weight before the big night?????

I made something other than socks!

2008-01-06T21:38:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited! I knit two scarves this morning! One for my daughter with trendsetter yarn that was really expensive, and one for my brother with black wool/silk zephyr yarn I bought from Sarah's Yarns. It's a bigger deal than it sounds, because I had to put together my brother 260 ribber without an instruction manual. Anyway, it all turned out great and A was very happy with her rainbow scarf and so was my brother. I will ask her to take a photo and send it to me so I can post it.

What a difference a working computer makes! I had such problems with my Studio 155 bulky and I am soooooo glad I was able to trade it in, though at a serious loss. The Brother 260 and the ribber worked together so well....I am now thinking about putting up the ribber on my standard gauge, as well.

Right now I have three machines set up: the bulky with ribber, the standard gauge, and my sock machine. While I was knitting A's scarf, I had all these fantasies about buying a fine-gauge machine to complete my collection. If I had that one machine, I would be so happy. The only other thing I would really like is an electric cone-winder. And maybe another room to store all the yarn I would like to buy.

I am so burned out from work and school. The semester starts this week, I think, and I really don't feel like going back to school. It was so difficult to get over being sick and still work on the papers that I turned in soooo late. All I want to do is nest in my tiny place surrounded by all my machines and yarn and knit, knit, knit all day long. I wish our holiday break could have been longer.....a month would have been nice....three months would be even nicer......

I spent all day yesterday looking at my knitting magazines trying to find a pattern to knit for a dress I would like to wear to a friend's daughter's debutante ball in early February. I am thinking of knitting something with either a very low V-neck with a fitted waist, or a ballerina-type neckline with long sleeves. When I find the pattern, I will post!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2008-01-01T07:38:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year! I wish you all Peace, Joy, Love, and Prosperity in 2008!

Here are my 2008 Resolutions, in no particular order (Yes, I know, they are 2007's resolutions recycled, but they still are good!):

• Be fearless. Take risks. Be positive. Be confident. At the age of 46, you’ve earned it!
o Try to do one new thing a month.
o Take the metro somewhere…..anywhere…….
o Go out to dinner alone. Continue to go to the summer concerts.
o Go out more. Although I love love love being alone and nesting and knitting at home, I do need to go out more.
o Take ballroom and latin dancing lessons
o Take Chinese language lessons
• Be kinder to everyone.
• Try to be more of a friend to my children.
• Take medicine EVERY DAY.
o No excuses for forgetting to take it for a month. That’s when you get scary mammogram results!!!!
• Try to blog at least once a week, even if it is off-topic and/or very short.
• Try to give more of yourself to others. Be kinder to those in need.
o Do not complain or sigh when volunteering at cancer support center. Knit something for charity at least once a month (it could be a hat or a sock or a blanket).
• Smile more. Try not to be so aloof, especially with strangers, especially with HANDSOME strangers.
• Health and personal appearance.
o Try to be the best person I can be; this includes being more watchful of some things (like weight and exercise and diet) and indulging myself more (massages, foot massages)
o Lose weight (25 - 40 pounds)
o Eat healthy foods
o Exercise at least three times a week.
o Put moisturizer on 2x per day
o Pay attention to clothes.
o Since I’ve re-discovered the bargains in Downtown L.A., spend more money on nice shoes.
• Knitting.
o Do not buy any yarn this year unless it is meant for a suit that will be knit within the next two months.
o The only knitting things I am allowed to buy are knitting magazines and DAK.
o Knit 1 item to wear a month.
o Try to knit at least 2 hours a week.
• Money
o Save A LOT of money this year.
o Do not go out to eat every week.
o Bring lunch/dinner to work.
o Put money in bank every paycheck.
o Live within means/stay on budget.
o Decide what to do with all the different 401Ks I have from all my other jobs.
o Either move them, consolidate them, or re-allocate them. (Especially the two money market ones that are just sitting around doing nothing!!!!!)
o Pay off all debts except for student loan debts.
Try to manage money so that I’m not scraping by the end of the month. In other words, have some money in the checking account at the end of the month.
• Work
o Be on time for work. Work starts at 8:30 a.m., NOT 9:10 a.m.
o Start cleaning out office and putting things in the right place.
o Look for a new job in student affairs before the end of the year.
• Procrastination.
o Do not procrastinate.
o Open mail and DEAL WITH IT RIGHT THEN AND THERE!!!!! No procrastination or denial
o Don’t let unwashed dishes stay in sink for longer than 24 hours (well, okay, maybe 36). My record was 3 weeks (the dishes were rinsed, though. I was BUSY writing my papers! And, I eat out a lot).
o Keep office clean and files up to date.
o TRY to make bed, even if it means only pulling up the covers.
o DO NOT TURN IN PAPERS 2 WEEKS LATE.
• Household
o Very similar to the procrastination category, but oh well…..
o Keep clutter to a minimum
o Hang up clothes every night.
o Keep home desk kind of neat
o Try to put everything away. A place for everything and everything in its place.
• Flirt more. I need the practice.

I've Been Busy

2007-12-24T16:42:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my CSM, I haven't had to make any decisions about Christmas presents. Everyone gets socks. Period. Except for my daughter in El Salvador who sent me a list of First World items she wanted....stuff like a portable dvd player and face wash and chocolates and gifts for her friends in the small town she is staying. My older daughter left on the 20th to spend 11 days with her sister. The other person I am buying a non-sock present for is my sister-in-law, who pays a lot of money for a certain kind of alkaline water because she says it's healthier, so I told her I'd get her a small account at the local water store. Oh, and for my older daughter, the one who went to visit El Salvador....she (gasp!) didn't want socks; she wanted her car windows tinted, so I said okay.

Anyway, here's a photo of what I've been up to these last few days:

I bought soooo much yarn... it makes this the most expensive recent Christmas season! Since I bought my sock machine, I think I've spent about $700 in yarn. That's it. No More. I have a huge stash now and more on the way from Sarah's Yarns.

AFter I give the socks I made to my relatives and my co-workers, I am going to focus on using my other knitting machines. I want to make some sweaters and skirts to wear to work. Also, I will try to knit 2 pairs of socks a week. I am pretty good at it now....it only takes me an hour and a half to 2 hours to make a pair of adult socks. Sooooo, on Thursday and/or Sunday nights, while I am watching my TV programs, I can make 2 pairs of socks. EASY!

While I was knitting yesterday and today, I was listening to the television news and felt sad that we still have young soldiers in Iraq. Many of them are my son's age (23) or younger and I can imagine how sad they are to be so far away from their families at this time of year. And earlier this week, I watched a program that said that so many of our young soldiers are coming home with drug addictions. Some are physically maimed, some are psychologically maimed. This war has spared no one. Anyway, I think I will start knitting some socks or beanies to send to those young men. I also have a huge stash, and it is cold now (though, admittedly, not anywhere near as cold as other parts of our country! For Angelenos, cold is relative....today was about 65 degrees--yup that's cold for us--and tonight will probably be 35 degrees), so I think I might make some caps for kids in the the homeless shelters. Also, I might practice making mittens.

I had my face lasered on Friday and the top layer of skin looks all discolored, so I have to skip out on a family Christmas party tonight. :( Hopefully, the skin will peel off by tomorrow morning so I can go to the family brunch.

I miss my kids.....this is my first Christmas in almost 26 years without at least 1 of my kids in town......I'd better stop writing....I'm beginning to feel a bit melancholy......

I've Been Sick

2007-12-13T12:14:00.000-08:00

Every since just before Thanksgiving I have not been feeling well.....lots of doctors....and I still have not turned in the papers that were due last week because I had strep and then the flu......went to work yesterday but left at noon because I was feeling so lousy.....went to see another doctor this morning.....but he's an endocrinologist and focused on other issues...came in to work today because I know my boss is anxious about our conference in January...and my throat is starting to hurt again.......I hope I get better soon, because I am hosting a tea party for my friends on Sunday at Chado.......... :(

The Countdown Begins

2007-12-05T13:27:00.000-08:00

It's only a matter of days....hours, really..........before my 2 papers are due. Have I started them? No. But after class tonight I will go to my office and crank out the outline for the literature review. Pretty difficult to do, I might add, especially when I've read only a few articles.....

The only thing that keeps me going (besides the fear of failing the classes) is looking longingly at my sock machine that is sitting so invitingly near my desk.....the sooner these papers are done, the sooner I can start cranking away.....

I couldn't help it....I went on astrid's website and ordered 36 more balls of sock yarn and asked her to PLEASE send to me as soon as possible. I just don't know how that happens....I start doing research on the computer for my paper and then somehow I end up on a yarn website.....the temptation was too much and my card number is filed away with paypal....all I have to do is push a button and it's done! Can't wait........

A Perfect Pair of Socks--FINALLY!!!!!!

2007-11-20T13:51:00.000-08:00

I'm getting faster, and better. I started this while watching Dancing with the Stars and finished after I watched Nightline. I only had one dropped stitch (that ran all the way down the foot and took me 1 hour to fix). I changed the yarn from Trekking to Lion Brand's Magic Stripes because I didn't want to continue to use the expensive stuff while practicing. I used the SoxophonePlayer's "recipe", as he calls it, for hem top socks, with adjustments for my son's foot: 40 rows mock rib, hang hem, 50 rows leg, heel, 60 rows foot, toe. It fits my son's foot a little bit too snugly, but it's okay since I know for a fact he won't wear these socks because 1) of the color and stripes, and 2) they don't wear wool socks in the Philippines. If I had known they would turn out so well and so easily, I would have used my nice yarn! (but not the green Trekking yarn, because I'm officially sick of it).

I can't believe I knit a pair of socks in a few hours and I didn't even have to frog it and rewind the yarn!!!! I think it is all in the tension.....the Magic stripes yarn is a bit thicker and rougher and so the tension I set my machine up for was probably perfect for this yarn, while not too good for the 4-ply Trekking and Opal I've been knitting on. Now I know!!!!

Now I've got to teach myself the Kitchner (sp?)stitch. Karen in the Woods has a great tutorial with photos. I'll look at it again, but not tonight, since tonight I have to read my articles and prepare my presentation for tomorrow's class. Wish me luck!!!!!

Knitting Socks is SOOOOO Frustrating!

2007-11-18T20:48:00.000-08:00

Note to self: Do not, no matter how sleepy you are or how late it is, DO NOT stop in the middle of making your sock! Or else you might end up with two heels one after the other on a sock, or you might end up with two totally different sized socks.

Ask me how I know.

The one redeeming thing is that I can (and believe me, I have! Numerous times on this one project!) unravel my work. I don't know how many times I've knit these socks for my son. First finished product: One sock was too big, and one sock was too small. He couldn't even pull the second sock on. It took almost a week to make.....a week of sleepless nights working until 3 a.m. with nothing to show for it......This is sooo not funny. I am so frustrated. When oh when will I ever make a decent sock?

My son's birthday was yesterday and after we got back from his birthday brunch (AND after I endured everyone's laughter and teasing remarks), I set to work unravelling and re-knitting his sock. I switched from the ribber pattern to the easier hem-top pattern. The result? TWO heels on one sock!!!! I could cry.

He's leaving on Wednesday for the Philippines. He wants to live there. So I won't be able to give him something I made before he leaves. Waaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Ta Daaaaa!!!!!!!! My First PAIR of Socks

2007-11-06T16:06:00.000-08:00

Here it is......Allow me to present to you my first PAIR of socks.....

I made these on Sunday, November 4th, but just kitchnered (if you can call it that! ) the toes this morning before I went to work. They are slightly smaller than a size 8 (I'm a size 8), but oh well. I used Karen in the Wood's pattern for hem top socks.
And YES, I know that the stripes don't match.....that's because I added a few more rows to one of the socks.......the yarn is Lion Brand Magic Stripes....It took 4 hours to make this pair....it took 4 1/2 hours to make the other sock that is on Ravelry. that's right. SOCK. NOT pair. Just 1 sock. And it took HOURS to kitchner the toes because I was too lazy to look up how to do it correctly.......that's why the graft looks more like a seam.....and a botched up seam at that.....I wore them to work today and showed them off to my co-workers....that's why I'm wearing jeans.....some were very impressed and some were completely underwhelmed.....I love my new socks.....

Too Busy to Knit

2007-10-18T23:36:00.000-07:00

Geez......It's been almost 2 weeks since I last visited with my sock machine....and at least three weeks since I played with my knitting machines. I haven't had time to do anything but work and school. Writing grants at work and writing papers for school. I have been getting by this past week on 2 1/2 to 3 hours of sleep a night. I'm practically living in my office. Thank God I cleaned it up before my boss came back from her vacation!!!! Anyway, I used to be very very afraid to stay here by myself, especially in the middle of the night. But I made friends with the female janitor and she told me that she is on the first three floors of the building from 9:30 p.m. - 6 a.m. So now, I'm pretty much here all night long. I only leave at 5 or 6 in the morning to take a short nap and shower before coming back to work at aroun 9-ish. So what am I supposed to be doing now? Instead of writing on my blog? WRITING A PAPER!!!!! It's a day late....I promised my friend I would help her with her paper last night, and well, she took me up on my offer, and didn't leave me any time to concentrate on writing and finishing my paper. So, I guess it's back to work....I told myself I would finish this paper by 3 a.m., and I think that I can do it....

After I turn it in tomorrow morning, I have to start researching my next paper, which is due next Wednesday for another professor. Looks like I know what I'll be doing this weekend....

For your viewing pleasure, here is a photo of the baby cardigan I knit on my bulky a few weeks ago......I know I promised it awhile back, but better late than never.......

Family Portrait

2007-10-08T11:47:00.000-07:00

Yupparooo....when it rains, it pours......I'm in the mood to write on the blog, which can mean only one thing: I'm procrastinating because there is something I don't want to do.......like a paper or a class presentation....

Here's a photo of my family in Pittsuburgh during my son's graduation in May from Carnegie Mellon....

My First Sock

2007-10-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

Ta Daaaaa!!!!! It only took 2 1/2 weeks to make! Actually, the learning curve was 2 1/2 weeks since I got the machine (it's still a very steep curve, though!); the 1 sock took about 4 1/2 hours to make....very frustrating..... Haven't mastered the ribber yet, so used a hem top. There are lots and lots of holes in the sock, the hem is loose, and I didn't bother to kitchner (sp?) the toes, since I know I'm not going to give them to anybody. BUT, I made a sock!!! Woo hoo!!! Now I only need to make 149 1/2 more of these to break even on my circular sock machine!!!!

This weekend was very busy, in terms of knitting. Besides the sock above, I made a sock bonnet for my machine (it makes it easier for me to start my socks off right), knit 3 little girl sweaters and part of a little boy sweater, and did the swatches for the cocktail dress I am planning on knitting and wearing to Celeste's wedding. I am desperately looking for my calcuknit knitting calculator so that I can chart my dress, but I cannot seem to find it! I have also been looking on the knitting lists for a reasonably-priced calcuknit, but so far, no luck.

And lastly, I am in....Ravelry!!!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!

Pics of the sweaters (actually, parts of sweaters) and my sock machine to be posted tomorrow!

Budget Schmudget

2007-08-16T15:41:00.000-07:00

Forget everything I said in my last post. It's all wrong.....I ended up buying a Legare 400 sock machine from a very nice lady named Laurie, I started the process of blasting the brown spot on my face by going to the office of one of those doctors on Dr. 90210 because it turns out one of my friends is the physician assistant in charge of lasers over there, and I am probably NOT going to continue with the personal training. Plus, I ended up buying a bulky with a ribber from Newtons on the same day I agreed to buy the sock machine. Budget? What budget?

I Want A Sock Knitting Machine

2007-08-11T21:09:00.000-07:00

I went to a dissertation group meeting today and narrowed down my areas of interest to 1) higher education and globalization (basically, comparing leadership in asian universities to leadership at u.s. universities), and 2) deep change leadership in american universities (I would probably look at post-prop 209 leadership at public universties such as the UCs and the University of Michigan). I also liked Dr. J's group, which is looking at pathways to success for underserved communities through local community programs such as USC's neighborhood initiatives.

Okay, what does this have to do with knitting? Well, I found out that the global leadership group will take a trip to China in May 2008, which is cool, except that it will also cost me about $3000. I have been been budgeting my money, and I had set aside $1400 to blast that sun spot off of my face (it's 9 p.m. and dark, or else I'd take a picture and post it), $1500 for another set of 30 personal training sessions (no, the first set did not work), and $500 for a sock knitting machine (well, maye $750). But after investigating and drooling over the sock machines and socks made by my new email pal, Kathleen, for the last 2 days, I have decided to forego the laser treatment for the sun spot, stop the personal training (it wasn't working anyway), and up my budget for the sock machine to about $1000 and save the rest for my trip. I want a sock machine so badly!!!!!!!!

Why, you might ask? Well, it's a smaller machine than my flat beds and I want to knit but not get into any big projects. If I get the machine and I learn how to knit well, then it would take me about a couple of hours to knit a pair of socks. Of course, it takes a bit longer to sew up the toe, and then wash and block the socks. Also, socks are more portable and when I go on my China trip (if I'm selected for that group), I can bring a whole bunch of socks to sew up on the airplane. Sounds fun, doesn't it? Anyway, I want one, and that's that. It's a matter of waiting for the right one to come along on ebay or through one of the restorers. I already belong to four sock knitting groups and I don't even own one machine yet!

A large part of my attraction to knitting is the fact that one can create something with just a string (and a machine). I signed up for sewing lessons, and almost bought one of those expensive sewing/embroidery machines, but I dropped out at the very last minute. I took a one-day sewing class and I was bored to tears. So I cancelled the lessons and didn't buy the machine. Funny, I just realized that the machine seemed very expensive for $1000, but I am barely batting my eyes to spend $1000 to buy a 100 year old sock knitter.

Yes, they are antiques....and that is what is part of the attraction. Women 100 - 150 years ago used these machines to support their families by knitting socks. I relate to that, and I think that is neat, and I want to knit socks like that. Although I have knit socks on my flat beds, they had seams running from the toe to the top of the leg ribbing. The socks on the circular sock knitting machine have no seam up the side of the leg, only a small one at the toe.

Isn't the machine neat? This machine is for sale.....and I am thinking about buying it. I think it is an absolutely wonderful contraption on so many levels.

Tag......I'm It

2007-06-03T00:04:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well.....I googled myself (or rather, my alter ego, knutty4knitting) tonight and what did I find? I was tagged on May 5th by no less than Lucia, the knitting fiend!!!!! The task is to reveal 7 random facts about myself......well, better late than never, so here goes..........

1. I still think about an old crush, someone who I feel was my soul mate in another lifetime.

2. I still haven't looked at my grades from last semester, primarily because I'm too afraid to look.

3. I drive a hybrid car (and love love love it!!!)

4. I have two degrees from UCLA.

5. One of the big regrets of my life is that I dropped out of law school.

6. I actually CAN cook, but pretend I can't because I don't think I could live up to the culinary reputation of my mother, who was an excellent cook. Even my kids have bought into the mythology........they don't remember my ever cooking for them....which is silly, since I was a single mother who couldn't take them out to eat EVERY night and since they have grown up to be healthy and happy and intelligent, which I attribute to my excellent and healthy HOME-COOKED meals.

7. My biggest source of pride is not my own academic successes, but rather my children's academic successes. Plus, I like that, at the ripe old age of 47, I have three college graduates!!!!

Bonus fact: I am thinking about learning how to (gulp) HANDKNIT, since machine knitting takes up a lot of set-up and break-down time, as well as space. There. I've said it. (waiting for the thunder to strike.....)

Okay......I don't know very many people who have blogs, so I will tag the people whose blogs I read regularly (and who probably don't know I exist): sonjakathleen (she's my only blogger friend), eiknit, crazyauntpurl (we're neighbors, since I used to live in the Valley!), skinnyrabbit, dancingbarefoot, chicknits, and one of my closest and oldest friends, master rabin (she just started a metaphysical blog).

Let's see how far this goes with no advertising.........

Trying to Avoid Writing a Paper That's Due Tomorrow

2007-04-17T22:20:00.000-07:00

It's 10:30 p.m., and I am exhausted. I still have to read a few articles and write a paper for my education and leadership class. I am also watching/listening to Primetime, listening to the how the massacre at Virginia Tech affected the students there. It is horrific.....how can anyone have so much anger and evil inside of him? Please say a prayer for the victims and their families, and for the survivors and their families.

Have not knit in such a long time. Lots has been happening. I've been really busy with work and school. Also, my children's former nanny passed away. She was a wonderful woman; she came to work for us when my eldest daughter was 3 weeks old. She taught me how to hold my baby, bathe her, feed her. When I found out she had lung cancer, I committed myself to being with her every weekend. I anticipated about 8 months.....she lived less than 6 weeks.....will write more about her later.....

I have so much yarn. I sorted them out and put them in huge bins months ago....I have 6 huge bins plus a yarn tree....and that is AFTER I gave yarn away! I don't really use acrylic but for some reason, I seem to have a lot of it. What is up with that? Anyway, I've decided to start knitting again....even as an exercise in futility. Also, I was reading about homeless families, and I think I would like to practice making sweaters by making little ones for little kids. It breaks my heart to read and hear about children who through no fault of their own live in poverty in Skid Row. Their parents have no money, and I am sure their kids would like to have something to wear that is new. At first, I thought I would make stuff for preemie babies (and I may still do this! Just something to greet them to this world), but after reading about homeless families, I think I would like to focus my charity work on the local children who have nothing.

I know what is is like to be poor. When I was out of work for two years, and especially when I was undergoing chemotherapy, I didn't have two nickels to rub together. It was so difficult and so demoralizing. Thank goodness, my ex-husband supported me. I am so grateful to him. Of course, he did it grudgingly....but he did it. Every month he would show up with a wad of money and shove it into my hands and stomp off. It was barely enough, but it was enough.....people wonder how I can stand him and why I don't just divorce him and be rid of him....but I know he is a good man (though an absolutely TERRIBLE husband!!!) deep down (deep deep deep down!) inside and what he did to support me for two years is almost enough to make up for the 9 years of a miserable marriage. Almost.

Anyway, back to my knitting, kind of. My son is moving back home (more on that in a later post) and home being my tiny tiny cottage in Pasadena, that means I have to put all my yarn bins in storage to make room for him and his junk. I will keep only my 78 cone yarn tree with yarn for a couple of projects for me (like my suits that I want to make!!!) and the rest with acrylic yarns for baby blankets and baby sweaters and hats that I can whip out in a few hours for each project. Baby sweaters I can make in a few hours. I will keep my standard gauge machine up...probably my 930.......My last week of class is next week, so maybe I can start the following weekend on a sweater.

Okay, it's almost 11 p.m. Enough procrastinating. I need to start reading the articles so I write this stupid paper. And I have two 20 page papers due one week from tomorrow that I haven't done any research on. Got to get cracking!!!!!

About Crystals and My Career

2007-02-25T10:04:00.000-08:00

Sigh. Well, hello. I have been in bed for two whole days (well, okay, it's only 10 a.m. on Sunday, but it FEELS like two whole days!) and I just can't get up. I've been awake since 6 a.m., and the thought HAS crossed my mind to go to the gym, go to my office, set up my laptop in my living room, and get to work. But I can't. I rolled out of bed yesterday at 3 p.m. (don't worry, I was awake at 5:30 a.m.!), showered, and went to get my toes done. After a long hard work week (quit snickering!), I deserve a break. Thank goodness my kids are grown. I don't think I could handle getting up to feed them three times a day again, not to mention driving them around to their playdates and practices.

I think three day weekends should be the law. Four day workweeks, three day weekends. How do we get this law passed?

Okay, after that warmup, now I'm in the mood to write. Last week was the best week EVER on a metaphysical level! I didn't blog about it, but I was really really upset two weeks ago when my father caved in to the **** (I can't say it, and you'll find out later why) wife and cancelled our long-planned three day trip to San Francisco. Without going into the whole story, his behavior really made me fall apart. I was in such immense pain. Soooooo, I decided to book an appointment with the local psychic Silvie in Santa Monica on that Sunday to....well, I don't know....just to talk and see if she had any insights to the situation.

Then my friend Robin asked me to go to the gem show, which would be at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium that day. I said, Okay, but I can only stay for an hour, since my appointment with Silvie was at 1 p.m.

So we went, and Robin said she was giving me a gift and that I could pick any citrine crystal I wanted from a tray she had preselected. She also helped me select a vanadinite stone, which she said would help me from overspending (both money and calories). So far, so good. Then I saw a bracelet with these stones: amethyst (purple), rose quartz (pale pink), green aventurine, and carnelian (orange). When I said, Robin, this is pretty. What stones are these?, Robin replied, that is a wonderful bracelet for you. It has all the stones you need! There must be a reason why you were attracted to it....you MUST buy it! So I did.

And....I know it sounds so wishy washy and new age and everything, but so much good has happened since then!

First of all, I have totally let go of the anger I feel towards my Dad. If I can't say or think anything nice about my Dad or his wife, then I am just not going to think about them at all. Then, last Sunday, I had lunch with Dr. Li, a wonderful woman who is my surrogate mother/mentor. She was my second boss, way back in 1994. I told her about USC's partnership with the University of Beijing and how I wanted to work on that partnership and maybe even live in China for awhile. She totally encouraged me! Then, on Thursday, I had a totally Ally McBeal moment. I was in the ladies room talking with a professor who has taken an interest in me and my education and asking her for advice about my career. She told me to stay with my current job while I am in school and to wait while the medical school is restructuring because there might be a job somewhere for me. I told her about Rossier's partnership with the University of Beijing and she told me that the medical school also has a partnership with the same university. Anyway, she told me I should talk with L., because she was in charge of the whole project. Well....guess who should walk in but L? We were introduced and I expressed my interest in the project and now I have an interview with L on Tuesday! And Friday, I worked at a conference on the main campus and I met F, who has dual appointments with the medical school and the school of gerontology. F gave me some great advice about choosing my dissertation committee and how to structure my projects and papers for the rest of my doctoral program so that I will have most, if not all, of the research done for my dissertation. It was sooooo great to talk with her!!! Because of this, I am starting to refocus my academic interests and move away from diversity to international higher education. I'm kind of torn, because I love love love the issue of diversity, but I think that becoming an expert in international higher ed might be a better career choice.

It was pretty amazing.....all these neat things happening because I decided to change my attitude (courtesy of "The Secret" and my crystals!) Robin said that the universe was trying to tell me something...and it was up to me to listen......I'm listening!!!!!

Well, that's the end of today's post, but below I have posted some info on the stones/crystals I selected (with cites! now that I am back in academia, I feel the need to cite everything!)

Here is some info on the stones:
Carnelian:
A stone of ambition and drive, Carnelian is a Power Stone! Excellent career stone, it is very helpful in making choices and decisions. Self Motivator. Carnelian is the most powerful ACTION stone for focusing, realization and self-actualization. Reminds one to be "in the moment".

Like Moss Agate, Carnelian stimulates analytical capabilities and precision. Activates and energizes personal power, revealing or discovering hidden talents by stimulating your curiosity and inquisitiveness. Long revered for its healing, spiritual and creative qualities.

Protects the user from all negative emotions. Wonderful protective energy over rage, resentment, bad tempers, and anger in self and from others.

It helps one banish sorrow or depression. Grounds energy and attention into the present. Use with citrine on lower 3 chakras.

In the Eastern cultures, Carnelian was favored for Strength.

* Acceptance: This stone calms our fears about death and rebirth, bringing serenity and acceptance of the great cycle of life. Guards against depression.
* Career Success: - A stone of ambition and drive. Assists in decision making.
* Confidence: It inspires a positive courageous confidence, and gives us extra courage to make healthy choices.
* Protection: Protects the user from all negative emotions, especially rage, envy, and fear. Encourages love with family members and relatives. Pink carnelian is particularly good for parent to child relationships, and parent to parent.
* Creativity: Balances creativity and mental processes. Assist one in the creative arts and theatre. Helps remember lines and lyrics by attracting the right words and instilling confidence, while enhancing creativity, individuality and courage.
* Energy: Help to increase physical energy, including sexual energy. Beneficial HEALTH stone.
http://www.gemstonegifts.com/stones/carnelian.htm

Amethyst

Alternate Names & Name Spellings: "Sobriety Stone"

Rock Lore & Tidbits: Crushed amethyst was used by the Ancient Romans as a way to ward off intoxication. They word amethyst comes from the Greek word "amethystus" meaning not drunken, or intoxicated. And there is a Greek legend of how amethyst got its purple color. Once, Dionysis (diety of wine and mischief) was so annoyed by Artemis (a virgin huntress and Lunar deity) that he set his sacred tigers upon a maiden attending her shrine. To preserve the maiden, whose name was Amethyst, Artemis petrified her in sparkling quartz. Lamenting this virgin's demise, Dionysis poured a the contents of his cup over the statue, which immediately became infused with the purple of the grape.
Metaphysical and Healing Properties Lore

Keywords: Psychic, Sobriety

Amethyst is purple quartz, and is a meditative and calming stone. It works in the emotional, spiritual, and physical planes to provide calm, balance, patience, and peace. Amethyst is also beneficial when dealing with legal problems and money issues, which can lead to prosperity and abundance.

Emotionally, amethyst can help heal personal losses and grief. Amethyst has a gently sedative energy that promotes peacefulness, happiness, and contentment. It also brings emotional stability and inner strength, and can enhance flexibility and cooperation. Amethyst can help get rid of addictions (alcohol, drugs, smoking, etc.) and compulsive behaviors of all kinds.

In the psychic and spiritual realms, amethyst is an excellent all-purpose stone that can increase spirituality and enhance intuition and psychic powers of all kinds. It does this by making a clear connection between the earth plane and other planes and worlds. Amethyst is also excellent for meditation and lucid dreaming. It is known to open one's channels to telepathy, past life regression, clairaudience, clairvoyance, and communication with angels. Amethyst also protects against psychic attacks, especially during spiritual work, and protects one from thieves, and protects travelers.

Physically, amethyst is beneficial for reducing withdrawal symptoms of all kinds, blood sugar imbalances, depression, general healing, left brain imbalances, headaches, arthritis, insomnia, nightmares, other sleep disorders, ADD/ADHD, generalized anxiety, mania, ear aches, pain relief, circulatory system issues, endocrine system problems, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, immune system deficiencies, and general healing.

Amethyst is associated with the third eye and crown chakras primarily, but can also open the heart chakra.

http://www.crystalsandjewelry.com/metaphysical_healing/stoneinfo/amethyst.html

Citrine:
Citrine is known as the "success stone" because it promotes success, prosperity, and abundance. It particularly promotes success in business, earning it another nickname, "merchant's stone", and is said to bring business if put in the cashbox of a shop or carried. Citrine is a stone of good fortune, although it brings good fortune in sometimes unexpected ways. It is a stone of manifestation, helping manifest abundance in many ways. Along with prosperity and good fortune, citrine imparts generosity, to share the wealth, so to speak.

Citrine dissipates negative energies of all kinds. It also does not absorb any negative energies from its surroundings, and thus never needs energentic clearing. Citrine can be used to clear unwanted energies from the environment. Family issues caused by negative energies can also be resolved and cleared with citrine. Since citrine eliminates negative energies, it helps generate stability in all areas, and is good for general protection.

In the mental area, citrine enhances mental clarity, confidence, and will power. It also increases creativity and promotes honesty.

Emotionally, citrine relieves depression, self-doubt, anger, and irrational mood swings. Citrine is a stone that brings happiness and cheer to one who carries or wears it. Citrine also reduces self-destructive tendencies. Citrine helps eliminate fears caused by others' ideas and suggestions. It can help one overcome emotional traumas and grief. Sensuality and sexuality can also be heightened by citrine.

In the psychic and spiritual realms, citrine is good for general psychic awareness and spiritual development. Citrine clears the aura of negative energies and influences. It is also very useful for meditation. Citrine is a stone of protection, removing or deflecting negative energies of all kinds. It is also excellent for dream recall and dream work.

Physically, citrine is beneficial for the digestion, stomach, eliminating nightmares and other sleep disturbances, thyroid, general health, heart, kidney, liver, muscles, strength, endocrine system, circulatory system, tissue regeneration, urinary system, immune system, fibromyalgia. Citrine is also good for removing toxins, and overcoming addictions.

Citrine is associated with the solar plexus chakra. http://www.crystalsandjewelry.com/metaphysical_healing/stoneinfo/citrine.html

Rose quartz:
Rose quartz is pink quartz that is often called the "Love Stone." It is a stone of unconditional love that opens the heart chakra to all forms of love: self-love, family love, platonic love, and romantic love. The high energy of quartz gives rose quartz the property of enhancing love in virtually any situation. In turn, this lowers stress. All in all it is a very soothing and happy stone.

Emotionally rose quartz brings gentleness, forgiveness, compassion, kindness and tolerance. It raises one's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. It helps balance emotions and heal emotional wounds and traumas, even grief, bringing peace and calm. Rose quartz removes fears, resentments and anger. It can also heal and release childhood traumas, neglect, and lack of love, in part by enhancing inner awareness. It can help with reconciliation with family and others. Overwhelming or unreasonable guilt is eased by rose quartz.

In the psychic and spiritual realms, rose quartz is often used to attract love, and for love spells. It is also used to ease the process of transition in dying. Rose quartz can be helpful for dream recall and dream work.

Physically rose quartz is used in crystal healing to benefit the heart, the circulatory system, fertility, headaches, kidney disease, migraines, sexual dysfunction, sinus problems, throat problems, depression, addictions, ear aches, slowing signs of aging, reducing wrinkles, spleen problems, fibromyalgia, and reaching one's ideal weight / weight loss. Rose quartz is also helpful and protective during pregnancy and with childbirth. It is also sometimes said that rose quartz is helpful for supporting brain functions and increasing intellect.

Rose quartz is associated with the heart chakra. http://www.crystalsandjewelry.com/metaphysical_healing/stoneinfo/rosequartz.html

Green Aventurine:
Aventurine is said to benefit one in all areas of creativity, and imagination, as well as intellect and mental clarity. Lore says that it enhances prosperity and brings career success. It is a gentle stone energetically that gives a sense of calm and balance and enhances happiness. It also helps one to see alternatives and potentials in all situations, giving a positive outlook, courage and inner strength. It is also said to bring luck, especially in games of chance. Green aventurine is also a mystical stone of prosperity. Aventurine bring friendship to one's life. It is also a stone of protection energies. Folklore and metaphysical lore say that physically it is beneficial for blood, circulatory system, headaches, general health, and sleep disorders. Aventurine is associated with the heart chakra. http://www.crystalsandjewelry.com/metaphysicalproperties_a.html

2007-02-13T15:44:00.000-08:00

2007-01-12T11:44:00.000-08:00

My New Year Newsletter

2007-01-02T20:33:00.000-08:00

Here is the New Year's Newsletter I sent to family and friends today:

Happy New Year!!!

I wanted to send out photos and a Christmas newsletter this year, especially since so much has happened to our family this year, but I just could not get my act together. Anyway, better late than never, so here are the highlights for your reading enjoyment :) :

A has just been accepted into several Ph.D. programs in neuroscience, including USC. She wants to be a scientist. She graduated from Barnard College/Columbia University in 2004 with a degree in psychology and is working in a laboratory here at USC, where her research focus has something to do with the brain and epilepsy. This year, A published an article and several abstracts in scientific journals (she was the first author in these and second or third author in other papers) and presented her research at a scientific conference in Atlanta, Georgia in October. A’s 25^th birthday was yesterday, New Year’s Day.

K joined the Peace Corps in June 2006 and has had a very eventful time in El Salvador thus far. She’s been bitten by a bat (not rabid, thank goodness!), contracted the dengue fever and been hospitalized for 5 days and quarantined for an additional 5 days, gotten scabies from a local who sat on her mattress (these first three were in the span of three weeks!), and now has some kind of bacterial infection that has given her extreme gastrointestinal distress (I think you know what I mean). Her latest misadventure has to do with a mentally unbalanced stalker who threw a firecracker on the roof of her house on Christmas Day and almost burned it down. I want her to come home, but she won’t because she is committed to her work there. She works as a municipal developer, helping local government officials, in a mountain village with no hot running water. I want to visit her, but she says she’s afraid I will not survive two days there. I think she might be right. K graduated magna cum laude from Tufts University with a degree in International Relations in 2005. After her stint in the Peace Corps, K plans to attend law school.

S graduated three weeks ago (December 2006) from Carnegie Mellon University with a degree in Decision Sciences. He is currently interviewing for positions in the financial management field. After working for a few years and gaining work experience in the financial sector, S plans to go to business school for his MBA. He wants to be a money manager. He lives in Pittsburgh, where he spends a lot of time with his favorite uncle and aunt—P and T M****—and his cousins A and A.

I was accepted into a doctoral program at USC’s Rossier School of Education. I started last August. I love it, and of all the programs I have been in—English (undergrad), law, public health, and now education—this seems to be the best fit. I am very much interested in policy and higher education as well as student affairs, and I hope to eventually work in student affairs at a college or university. Oh, and I was in a fundraising calendar (Miss October!!!!) for my cancer support group, and also was bald for another cancer book (Turning Heads, 2006).

S (my ex-husband) is doing well, too. He spends most of his time in the Philippines and comes every two or three months to Los Angeles to visit our children. Once in a while, he brings the children to him. A returned on Christmas Day from a three week stay in the Philippines, where she stayed with her father and Grandma A, and K and S spent several weeks in Manila with their father early in 2006.

I feel very very blessed. My children are healthy, happy, and doing well. In February, I will be a 4-year cancer survivor. I think God has given me everything I have ever asked for! And I am very grateful and humbled. (though, unfortunately you can't tell from all the bragging I am doing here).

Anyway, here are a few photos of my family taken last year. It is difficult to get photos of all of us together, since we are scattered all over the United States and Central America. The one where we are all together was at Melinda’s house on S’s (their father’s) birthday. It was one of those hot sweltering summer nights, so we all look sweaty and tired, but I love this photo since we are rarely in the same city at the same time.

May you have a Prosperous and Happy New Year!!!!!

One hot summer night in 2006—S, K, J, and A

A and K with someone who is NOT S.

The handsome one on the right is S.

Happy New Year!!!!!

Rose Parade in My Hometown and Memories of January 1st Past

2007-01-01T09:04:00.000-08:00

Gosh. I must be hormonal. I am sitting here (lying on the couch, actually) watching the Rose Parade and bawling my eyes out. I cried when the USC Marching Band marched through, and I REALLY cried when the band from New Orleans came on the tv. They were great. I kind of sniffled when the Michigan band shuffled by. Hey, what can I say? I'm a Trojan. I never ever thought I would say those words, but now that I'm going to school at USC, I'm starting to feel like a Trojan. Never mind that I've worked at USC for 3 years (not counting the year and a half I worked there before I got sick), never mind that I have two degrees from UCLA. Only after I got accepted into a program and the football season began did I begin to identify as a Trojan. Fight on!

Let's see what happens when basketball season begins. Go Bruins!

This is my second Rose Parade as a Pasadena resident. Last year, we had torrential storms. It was terrible. And this year, USC is playing in the Rose Bowl. (maybe they played last year, too, but I wasn't paying attention!). Anyway, as I was driving around doing my errands this week, I could see the preparations for the parade. Streets were closed off and bleachers started to go up, and two days ago, the RVs appeared. Yesterday, I was driving down Sierra Madre Villa and I could see people starting to mark out their territory with chairs, blankets, and mattresses. It was amazing.

I live where Sierra Madre and Sierra Madre Villa intersect (near Pasadena High School) and that is where the floats will end up at the end of today. I may go to see them today, although I remember once I tried to bring my children and was so turned off by all the traffic and distant parking that we only stayed for a few minutes. Also, in those days, there was no charge to look at the floats. I think that they now charge $7. That is not cool. Anyway, if I do decide to walk down the hill to see the floats, I will take some photos.

My oldest daughter's 25th birthday is today. Yes, she is a New Year's baby. That is why I don't really have any New Year's traditions. First of all, I went through 22 hours of labor with that child, a fact I never hesitate to remind her of when she is being a pain. AND I got stretchmarks from that pregnancy. And saggy boobs. But I digress.......

When she was younger, I spent most of December planning her January 1st birthday parties. We had some great parties for her when she was a baby. When A started going to middle school, none of her friends were in town to attend her birthday parties, so I moved her birthday party to April, just before the Easter break. By then, I was in school and usually recuperating from exams and Christmas shopping at the end of December.

I remember, after my first semester in law school, I was absolutely exhausted and came down with a very bad case of the flu. I had sent my children to stay with my parents when their school went on break and then proceeded to get very sick after Christmas. I hadn't seen my children for a few days, and was very broke. I remember A kept calling me and wanting to see me. Her birthday was approaching and I had $28 left in my account. I told her I would take her shopping when I felt stronger, but definitely would see her on her birthday. I picked her up and took her to Toys R Us. I told her she could pick whatever she wanted, but it couldn't be more than $25 because that was all the money I had. Anyway, my beautiful little girl and I went up and down the aisles and she picked all these little gifts for herself, most within the $2-6 range. She decided she wanted lots of little gifts instead of 1 big present. She would say, Mommy, is this okay? And I would say, yes, darling, we can get that, or no, darling if you get that, then we have to put another toy back. We ended up spending almost exactly $28. Later, on the drive back to my Mom's place, I looked at A and the happy expression on her face. I said, Are you happy, darling? And she said, yes, Mommy, I'm happy because I have so many presents and spent the day with you. Her response made me realize that all children want is time with their parents. It doesn't matter how much you spend, or even if you spend any money at all, what children really want is to be with their parents.

Another New Year's Day memory: I have never really been crazy about watching the Rose Parade and this is why: I was very very pregnant on New Year's Eve 1981. My husband owned a supermarket and the holidays were his busy season. Also, he was a very social man and we always had a relative or new employee staying in our home. Anyway, on New Year's Eve 1981, I was very tired and very large. My husband insisted that we take his cousin out that night to celebrate New Year's Eve in Century City. I resisted, but eventually reluctantly agreed. I felt miserable (remember, I was 9 months pregnant), and really wanted to be home in bed. We greeted 1982 with a lot of fanfare (though the pictures show that I looked less than thrilled to be up at midnight surrounded by strangers) and were home by 1 a.m. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, put on my nightgown, and went to bed and was asleep almost immediately. At 1:30 a.m., I heard/felt this "pop" sensation, felt a gush of water and thought, I can't even hold my pee anymore! I went to the bathroom and when I came out and looked at the sheets, saw that the "pee" was tinged with pink. I realized my water had broken and that soon I would be in labor and after that, couldn't sleep because I was so excited. My husband, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered to share my excitement and slept. At 5:30 I insisted he wake up and take me to the hospital, which he did at 10 miles per hour. I was a little annoyed with him.

But maybe he knew better, because I proceeded to have a very painful 22 hour labor. If I had known that my labor would be that long, I would have stayed in bed at home and done most of the work there. Instead, I lay in a hospital bed exhausted and wanting to sleep but not being able to because of the pain. My husband wasn't any help because he was hung over and tired, too. I remember feeling very put out because he wasn't being supportive. Instead, while I was writhing on the bed in pain, he and the nurse were sitting there, watching the Rose Parade and commenting on all the beautiful floats. That's why I've never been crazy about the parade.

After 10 hours, my husband disappeared and my mother appeared, rosary in hand. I had never seen this look of concern on her face, I got scared and thought I was going to die. In fact, I remember WANTING to die, because it hurt so bad. It didn't help that my mother was praying her novenas at my bedside. I really thought I was going to die. After about 20 hours, I was begging them to cut that child out of me.....I was willing to do it myself. I'd been up for almost two days and was exhausted. I just wanted it all to end. My doctor, the sainted Dr. Keith Russell, saw that I was pretty much at the end of my rope and said that if the baby didn't come out within the next two hours, he would look into doing a caesarean. Thank God my baby decided to finally make her appearance and she arrived at around 11:45, just under the 2 hour deadline.

Oh, but once I held that beautiful child in my arms and looked in her eyes, I was wide awake and very much in love with my baby. I will never ever forget that feeling of love and of awe.

I remember holding her and staring at her and singing to her for two weeks. It was a time filled with wonder. I could not believe that this tiny little human being had been in my tummy just a few hours/days before. A's nanny arrived when she was three weeks old, and she said that for the first six weeks that she was there, I didn't allow anyone to see my daughter, much less hold her. I don't remember that, but it must be true.

And so, New Year's Day is always a time of reflection for me. It is a time of new beginnings for me. I try to stay home and remember and be grateful for all the important things in my life, and think of what I would like to accomplish in the new year. Especially now, now that my children are grown and have their own friends and social lives, I feel melancholy and very nostalgic on New Year's Day. I think about how I could have been a better mother to my children, and how I will be a wonderful grandmother to their children, in the same way my mother was a wonderful grandmother.

I, probably like everyone else, always begin the new year full of hope. I'm filled with gratitude, too, both for the lessons and accomplishments of the past and for the opportunity to start anew. Each new year is a tabula rasa, and I hope that as I go through the year and my experiences are written in the book of life (NO, not this blog, the REAL Book of Life!), that those experiences will be worthy of being read and of the person that I hope to become.

New Year 2007 Resolutions

2006-12-31T19:43:00.000-08:00

Here are my 2007 New Year's Resolutions.

1. Health and personal appearance.

a. Work on personal appearance this year:

1. Lose weight (25 - 40 pounds)

2. Eat healthy foods

3. Exercise at least three times a week.

b. Put moisturizer on 2x per day

c. Pay attention to clothes.

1. Since I’ve re-discovered the bargains in Downtown L.A., spend more money on nice shoes.

2. Knitting.

a. Do not buy any yarn this year unless it is meant for a suit that will be knit within the next two months.

b. The only knitting things I am allowed to buy are knitting magazines and DAK.

c. Knit 1 item to wear a month.

d. Try to knit at least 2 hours a week.

3. Money

a. Save A LOT of money this year.

b. Do not go out to eat every week.

c. Bring lunch/dinner to work.

d. Put money in bank every paycheck.

e. Live within means/stay on budget.

f. Pay off all debts except for student loan debts.

a. Try to manage money so that I’m not scraping by the end of the month. In other words, have some money in the checking account at the end of the month.

4. Work

a. Be on time for work. Work starts at 8:30 a.m., NOT 9:10 a.m.

b. Start cleaning out office and putting things in the right place.

c. Look for a new job in student affairs before the end of the year.

5. Procrastination.

a. Do not procrastinate.

b. Open mail and DEAL WITH IT RIGHT THEN AND THERE!!!!! No procrastination or denial

c. Don’t let unwashed dishes stay in sink for longer than 24 hours (well, okay, maybe 36). My record was 3 weeks (the dishes were rinsed, though. I was BUSY writing my papers! And, I eat out a lot).

d. Keep office clean and files up to date.

e. TRY to make bed, even if it means only pulling up the covers.

f. DO NOT TURN IN PAPERS 2 WEEKS LATE.

6. Household

a. Very similar to the procrastination category, but oh well…..

b. Keep clutter to a minimum

c. Hang up clothes every night.

d. Keep home desk kind of neat

e. Try to put everything away. A place for everything and everything in its place.

7. Be fearless. Take risks. Be positive. Be confident. At the age of 46, you’ve earned it!

a. Try to do one new thing a month.

1. Take the metro somewhere…..anywhere…….

2. Go out to dinner alone.

8. Be kinder to everyone.

9. Try to be more of a friend to my children.

10. Take medicine EVERY DAY. No excuses for forgetting to take it for a month. That’s when you get scary mammogram results!!!!

11. Decide what to do with all the different 401Ks I have from all my other jobs. Either move them, consolidate them, or re-allocate them. (Especially the two money market ones that are just sitting around doing nothing!!!!!)

12. Try to blog at least once a week, even if it is off-topic and/or very short.

13. Try to give more of yourself to others. Be kinder to those in need. Do not complain or sigh when volunteering at cancer support center.

14. Smile more. Try not to be so aloof, especially with strangers, especially with HANDSOME strangers.

15. Flirt more. I need the practice.

You'll notice I left out any dating resolutions. I have decided to work on myself--inside and out--this year. I am going to lose weight this year and look fabulous. Today I signed up for 30 personal training sessions at the gym and I have been studying veganism. I don't think I can do 100% vegan, but maybe 85 - 90%. If I'm hungry and the only thing to eat is chicken, well, then I am going to eat it! Also, I like my fruit smoothies in the morning, so I don't think I can give up dairy.

Anyway, I want to be at peace this coming new year. 2006 was a great year.....I feel more in control of myself and my life....and I want to continue the trend.....now, if I can only lose 40 pounds.......HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2006-12-27T07:44:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays to everyone. It's been awhile, I know, but I have been busy. I was in a lot of pain because of a jaw thing. Really, the dentists at USC are pretty terrible. I knew that, but I still went to them because my insurance covered everything. I switched from one dentist--the cute one--to another one--the short one--because the cute one seemed oblivious to my pain when he was drilling and later putting in a crown. Well, after a year and a half, the short one didn't seem to know much about pain management when I started to have excruciating pain in November. FIVE WEEKS LATER, after going to the dentist at least once a week and sometimes twice a week because of the terrible terrible pain, I went back because there was this huge golf-ball sized lump growing out of the side of my jaw. Well, what do you know? It was an abcess and I needed a root canal. Well, excuse me, but didn't I kind of say that the first time I went to the dentist? FIVE WEEKS OF EXCRUCIATING PAIN. It was terrible. And then my crown broke. I went back and the short dentist was very very mean to me, probably because I had called to complain about the care I had been receiving. Needless to say, I am now looking for a new dentist.

Anyway.....aside from the pain, life has been very busy. I had to turn in two papers. They were two weeks late. And then I peeked at my grades. I am pissed. I got an A and an A-. That brings my gpa to 3.825. If you factor in the other two A's I got from previous classes at Rossier, my gpa is 3.9. Not good enough. I have to talk to my professor, because according to my calculations, my scores were enough for a straight A.

I have sooooo much yarn. I went to Big Lots last week and bought 4 of those huge plastic bins by Sterilite to put my yarn in. If you count the 1 bin I already had in my place and the two or three bins of yarn I have in storage and the yarn tree which holds about 70 cones of yarn, I have a LOT OF YARN. I was pretty good about not buying yarn this year. I think I will continue the moratorium on yarn for another year....at least until I use up 1 bin of yarn. I didn't realize I had so many acrylic yarns.........I have two bins full of acrylics.......I don't wear acrylics.........Anyway, I think I will be making tons and tons of baby blankets and hats. For some reason, my friends have been having lots of babies.

My goal for my winter break was to clean up and organize my place. But I am feeling overwhelmed. So much stuff! And the other day, I went over to my daughter's place and found out that her roommate had thrown out the black futon I had paid $400 for. I found it in the garage and brought it back. But where am I going to put it? ALSO, my daughter brought back the Franciscan service for 8 I lost when my mother-in-law packed it up and shipped it to the Philippines without asking me after I married my husband. I am so excited to get it back, but I really don't have any room for it. I already have my every day dishes, as well as my good Lenox china and the Noritake set my Mom gave us as a wedding gift. But, the Franciscan set is really vintage California, and the Franciscan factory was located just around the corner from our house in Los Feliz. I think I will make the Franciscan set my everyday set.

Back to my goals. Besides cleaning up and organizing, I wanted to do some knitting. But here it is Wednesday.....and my week is almost gone!!!!! I am having my hair cut and colored today (you didn't think those blond streaks came naturally, did you?), and wanted to hang out with my friends and/or go to a movie.

Speaking of movies, I saw Dreamgirls on Christmas Day and The Queen yesterday. Oh my goodness gracious, I LOOOOOVED Dreamgirls!!!! It was wonderful. The Queen was great, too, but I absolutely loved Jennifer Hudson's performance in Dreamgirls. Beyonce was very very bland and I can not for the life of me figure out how she got the Golden Globe nomination for Best Actress. She was incidental to the plot.....the plot revolved around Jennifer Hudson's character. Eddie Murphy was absolutely fabulous, as well. A genius performance, really.

Okay, I have to get ready for my hairdresser appointment. I will catch up with you later. I promised I would tell you about my daughter's adventures in El Salvador and I will. Also, I will post my New Year's resolutions. Talk to you later!

Blame Sonja

2006-11-07T16:41:00.000-08:00

Well, it sure is hard to get motivated to write my blog when my favorite blogging buddy, Sonja from fusionknitting.com, is taking a nice long break. Where are you, Sonja? I miss you! Come back……PLEEEEEAAAASSSEEE…….

Classes are almost done. Only about 3 weeks left…..I can’t wait……I will have all of December to do nothing…..

I have learned a lot in my classes. My classmates are, for the most part, professionals in the K-12 arena. Only a handful of us (out of 23 in my cohort) are involved with higher education. I’ve learned about the difficulties of being a teacher/administrator in the public school systems. I’ve learned about the competing demands and shifting priorities that the teachers and administrators have to cope with…..and the lack of political will for any real change. I’ve also learned about how important diversity is, not only for our children, but for society as a whole. And I’ve learned so much about our shameful, discriminatory past in education…..about how whole segments of our society were intentionally ignored and prevented from exercising their rights as citizens to get an education. I love what I’m learning in class….but I am also learning so much about myself. And I don’t like it.

I’ve always known that I tend to be on the lazy side when it comes to school work. I love going to classes, I love doing the reading, I even like doing research and writing papers. But I only like it when I am doing it on my own schedule and in my own time. I keep turning in my papers 2-5 days late…..so far, my professors have ignored the lateness and I have gotten wonderful grades, but it is only a matter of time before they start taking points off of my assignments……I have a paper due next Wednesday….my goal is to turn it in on Monday…….but that means I’ve got to start writing it tomorrow……….why oh why do I sabotage myself in this way? I know I am smart and I have a lot to offer, but I just get so darn lazy and figure that my the quality of my work will outshine the fact that it is always late………this is something I am going to work on……after all, I have two and a half more years in this program…………..

I have started to knit with a master knitter…..her name is Mae, and she is self-taught on the knitting machine. But she is good enough to have sold her knit items to Bloomingdales, Neiman-Marcus, Bullocks Wilshire, and other high end stores. I found out about her through another volunteer at weSPARK. I contacted her, and she agreed to let me go over to her house and watch her knit. I went once and learned so much during the two hours I was there! Since the main purpose of knitting for me is to augment my work wardrobe, we agreed that my next project will be a Chanel-type suit. I’ve already knit the back, sleeves, and right front of the jacket. I have to re-knit the back because there was something wrong with the yarn. The yarn I used is Venetian from Newtons. It is a tweedy black and white yarn. The pieces that I’ve knit look beautiful, so far. Mae told me that I need to keep the tension very tight so that the fabric will drape a certain way. It is way tighter than I am used to knitting, but she is right, the fabric does look and feel better.

I also knit a baby hat with cables and I knit the pieces of a baby blanket. I just have to latch the pieces together and put a worm edging on it. It is a baby present for my friend, Pri, who just had a baby boy named Ravi.

Okay, that’s all for now….I have a lot to tell you, especially about my daughter in the Peace Corps…..but I’ll save that for another post……

L.A. Times' Cheap Eats!

2006-09-14T00:50:00.000-07:00

I also have a blog called CheapEatz, but it never got off the ground. Look what I found in today's L.A. Times! One of my favorite things to do is to try out cheap ethnic restaurants (read: DIVES), because I believe it is possible to get a good meal without paying an arm and a leg! I really love mom-and-pop restaurants. Here's a list from the L.A. Times....a list that will come in handy as I wander around the Southland in search of a good meal.......

Wow, what a deal!
We hit the streets to find the most delicious bargains around.
By Betty Hallock, Times Staff Writer
September 13, 2006

WHETHER it's saving $200 on the price of an airline ticket to the Mayan Riviera or snagging a pair of Christian Louboutin sandals priced to move on the last day of the Barneys Warehouse sale, there's something about finding a great deal that's supremely gratifying. And if it's three-star dim sum for the price of a paperback or a cold, frothy chocolate egg cream that's just 50 cents (in Beverly Hills, no less) — it's just that much more delicious.

So what tasty bargains await hungry Angelenos? The best fish taco in town, filled with crisply fried halibut, crunchy cabbage, salsa and crema for 99 cents. Two cocktails for the price of one in a swanky setting from a top mixologist. A steak dinner at the beach for less than $20. A three-course chef's tasting menu that might include impeccable yellowtail sashimi with bacon and preserved lemon, suckling pig confit with fresh garbanzo beans and blackberry gastrique, and coconut panna cotta with pistachio-cumin brittle — for only 30 bucks.

These are just a few of the 25 tasty bargains that Food section writers discovered after pounding the pavement, from Santa Monica to the Sunset Strip, from North Hollywood to Westminster, from Koreatown to Little Tokyo. Sometimes the delicious deal depends on knowing when to get what where — so step lively if you want that free bottle of wine or a blow-your-mind-but-not-bust-your-budget bento box lunch. Others, like a superior Vietnamese sandwich for $1.75 or a perfectly spiced samosa for 59 cents, are perennial steals. Here are our favorites.

1. Fish taco at Tacos Baja Ensenada, 99 cents on Wednesdays. Perfect Baja-style fish tacos with delicately battered, freshly fried, piping-hot hunks of halibut in soft, warm corn tortillas, dressed with crisp shredded cabbage, salsa, finely diced red onion, cilantro, a dollop of crema, a squirt of lime — these are what customers line up for at this East L.A. mecca. Every other day they're a well-priced $1.15 each, but come Wednesday, 99-cent fish taco day, the crowds are even thicker, and the line can extend past the ceviche counter and the trays of fresh radishes, limes and red-pepper-dusted yellow chiles — and sometimes out the door. Tacos Baja Ensenada, 5385 Whittier Blvd., L.A., (323) 887-1980, http://www.tacosbaja.com .

2. Egg cream at Barney Greengrass, in the Barneys New York store, 50 cents. Why are those ladies who lunch on the top floor of Barneys New York paying $3.75 for a small bottle of Norwegian Voss water when they could be having a frothy chocolate egg cream for just two quarters (and four pennies, including tax)? It's a good one too, made with a squeeze of Hershey's chocolate syrup, milk and seltzer water. Traditionally it's made with Fox's U-Bet, but hey, this is Beverly Hills, not Brooklyn! Barney Greengrass, 9570 Wilshire Blvd., Beverly Hills, (310) 777-5877.

3. Tri-tip special for six to eight people from Swinging Door, $56. Take home a feast of slow-cooked, wood-smoked barbecue for less per person than the price of a movie ticket. Swinging Door's wonderful barbecued meats are widely appreciated, and when they run out, there's no more till the next day, so order ahead. The tri-tip special, big enough for a family meal, includes a whole tri-tip, a slab of baby back ribs, three side dishes and a dozen of the cafe's addictive fresh garlic rolls. Swinging Door, 11018 Vanowen St., North Hollywood, (818) 763-8996, http://www.swingingdoorbbq.com .

4. Barbecued pork banh mi and avocado smoothie at Top Baguette, $1.75 for banh mi, $2.50 for smoothie. After tasting more than a dozen banh mi, we can be sure Top Baguette is indeed top baguette. Its list of Vietnamese banh mi sandwiches includes beef sautéed in lemon grass, a combo of cold cuts and a veggie banh mi with vermicelli noodles and tofu spiked with coarsely ground black pepper. But the best is sweet, succulent barbecue pork. The freshly baked crispy-crusted-but-soft-inside baguettes hold handfuls of pickled carrots and daikon and slabs of crunchy cucumber, plenty of cilantro and a few slices of jalapeño. And lots of banh mi spots offer avocado smoothies, but the luscious one here is the best. Blended with a whole fresh avocado, a little sugar, half and half, milk and ice, it is cold, creamy and wonderful. Top Baguette, 9062 Bolsa Ave., Westminster, (714) 379-7726.

5. Three-course tasting menu at Opus Restaurant, $30. Tasting menus aren't just for those who can afford to drop more than $100 on a meal. Opus Restaurant's new chef, Josef Centeno, formerly of Meson G, offers three-course spontaneous tastings for less than you'd spend on a steak at many restaurants. First might come a sashimi of hamachi (yellowtail) with bacon and preserved lemon with shio konbu (salted kelp) and geoduck clam; then Four Story Hill Farm sweetbreads and veal cheeks with lobster béarnaise and corn pudding; and for dessert, maybe quince-pineapple pie with tarragon anglaise and crème fraîche ice cream. Opus Restaurant, 3760 Wilshire Blvd., L.A., (213) 738-1600, http://www.opusrestaurant.net/ .

6. Roasted-spices samosa at Bharat Bazaar & Samosa House, 59 cents small, $1.25 large. This Indian grocery has been the go-to market for more than 25 years for Westsiders cooking East Indian food. An outlet of a spice importing and distribution company, Bharat Bazaar roasts and grinds its spices on site (and packages some for sale). In January, it expanded to turn a makeshift back-of-the-store deli counter into an eat-in or takeout cafe. The samosas, fried up to order, are justifiably famous. The filling is traditional — potatoes and peas — but oh, the seasoning! Fresh roasted spices make the difference; the flavor is bold and full-bodied but not trendily hot. Each order comes with house-made mint and tamarind chutneys. Bharat Bazaar & Samosa House, 11510 W. Washington Blvd., L.A., (310) 398-6766.

7. Lychee ice cream cone at Fosselman's, $2.15. One taste of this flavor at Alhambra's famous shop and it's hard to imagine ordering any other. It's bright, tropical, creamy and not too sweet — altogether dreamy. In a sugar cone, please. Fosselman's, 1824 W. Main St., Alhambra, (626) 282-6533, http://www.fosselmans.com .

8. Two-for-one cocktails at Norman's. Mixologist Peter Birmingham's drinks are inspired, and between 5:30 and 7 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday, cocktails (as well as beer, sake and wines by the glass) are two for one. His signatures include a Furikake Martini with Hendrick's gin, "flash pickled" cucumbers and a little furikake, a Japanese dried-seaweed-and- rice-cracker seasoning, and a Mesquito, a sophisticated take on the mojito, made with Siete Leguas platino tequila, lime, Thai basil, simple syrup and soda water. Cheers. Norman's, 8570 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood, (310) 657-2400, http://www.normans.com .

9. Big box of fries at Skooby's Hot Dogs, $3.70. Skooby's may be a hot dog joint, but it's the fries that are killer. A mix of thick strips and thin chips, twice-fried in peanut oil, sprinkled with Skooby's special spice mix, they're worth crossing town for. A Skooby's skoop of fries costs $2.31 but a big box provides double the fun. And nothing could be better than people-watching from a red-cushioned stool on a Hollywood Boulevard corner while dipping a crispy-brown Skooby's fry in house-made aioli. Skooby's Hot Dogs, 6654 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood, (323) HOT-DOGS; 502 Pacific Coast Highway, Hermosa Beach, (310) 376-1292, http://www.skoobyshotdogs.com .

10. Butter steak aux fines herbes at Chez Jay, $19. This Santa Monica steakhouse hangout just a stone's throw from the beach attracts local twentysomethings, families, couples on dates, bar regulars and an occasional pack of Australian lifeguards or Japanese tourists. You'll also find an excellent steak dinner for less than $20: 10 ounces of New York steak, a baked potato, sautéed vegetables and garlic bread. Tuck into a booth and enjoy the friendly, dark, boozy scene, with a jukebox that plays what would make a great CD compilation called "Just Good Rock." Chez Jay, 1657 Ocean Ave., Santa Monica, (310) 395-1741, http://www.chezjays.com .

11. Bento box lunch at Izayoi, $9.50. Don't sleep on this deal: It's available only to the first 20 lunch customers who request it. A pretty lacquered bento box holds a panoply of beautiful Japanese specialties: fabulous grilled mackerel, perhaps; chawanmushi (a silky savory custard), shrimp and vegetable tempura, pristine sashimi, tangy pickled cabbage, and simmered daikon and bean curd. Plus there's miso soup, salad and rice. Izayoi, 132 S. Central Ave., L.A., (213) 613-9554.

12. Sheykh al-mehshi dinner special at Marouch, $10.99. Melt-in-your-mouth slices of eggplant filled with seasoned ground beef and pine nuts and baked in a light tomato sauce, served over a fluffy mound of rice, along with pickled turnip, olives, chiles and pita: This is just one of the tempting daily dinner specials that chef Sossi Brady turns out at this Lebanese cafe in Little Armenia. Others include her kebbeh labanieh, meatballs of browned beef and pine nuts wrapped in a crust of veal and cracked wheat, with delicious yogurt sauce. Marouch, 4905 Santa Monica Blvd., L.A., (323) 662-9325, http://www.marouchrestaurant.com .

13. Bottomless bean pot at Tacomiendo Mexican Grill, gratis. A steady word-of-mouth cult fave, this small, cheerful taquería that successfully straddles the line between roots cooking and up-to-datedness is well-loved for its house-made tortillas, hot off the griddle, filled with terrific carnitas, cabeza, asada, lengua or grilled veggies. $1.75 buys you a taco; tortas are $4.95. Fresh-squeezed vegetable juices ($2) and agua frescas ($1) are great too. But the kicker is the pot of rich, stewy pinto beans, part of a condiment bar that also includes salsas, lime wedges and radishes. Help yourself to a ladleful, or more if you like. Tacomiendo Mexican Grill, 4502 Inglewood Blvd., Culver City, (310) 915-0426; 11462 Gateway Blvd., West L.A., (310) 481-0804, http://www.ta-comiendo.com .

14. Sesame bread with green onions at Mas' Islamic Chinese, $7.50. Would you like the sesame bread? Thick or thin? That's what your server wants to know the moment you sit down at Mas'. Each enormous round loaf is baked to order so they want to get yours popped into the oven right away. Say yes; it's incredibly delicious. The yeasted bread's top crust is crunchy, covered with tiny fragrant sesame seeds with just the right degree of toastiness. Inside, the flavorful interior has pockets of soft green-onion bits. An order is big enough for 10 generous pieces. Mas' Islamic Chinese, 601 E. Orangethorpe Ave., Anaheim, (714) 871-9166.

15. Wild mushroom pie at Pitfire Pizza Co., $8.25. Whoever said there's no great pizza in L.A. has never tried Pitfire's. The dough is allowed to rise one and a half to two days, and the pie is fired in a special ceramic-bottomed oven for a crust that's deeply flavorful, with wonderful, chewy-crisp texture, somewhere between Neapolitan and New York style. And the toppings are superb — you can't go wrong with field mushrooms, balsamic roasted onions, four cheeses and fresh herbs. But it's tough to choose — the white pizza with bitter greens (kale, dandelion, arugula and collard) frequently on special is fabulous, as is the classic tomato, basil and mozzarella. Pitfire Pizza Co., 5211 Lankershim Blvd., North Hollywood, (818) 980-2949; 108 W. 2nd St., L.A., (213)808-1200; http://www.pitfirepizza.com .

16. Dim sum at Triumphal Palace, about $17 per person. How can that perfectly roasted barbecue duck, with its crackling-crisp skin, cost just $5.98? Taste that pea tip and seafood dumpling — it's polished and perfect. Assemble a group and head to Alhambra for this three-star experience at a very nice price. Sticky rice in lotus is some of the best around; pan-fried turnip cakes with XO sauce are rich and creamy; barbecue pork belly is crisp on the outside, meltingly tender on the inside, amazingly flavorful. On weekends, be prepared to wait: The place is popular. Triumphal Palace, 500 W. Main St., #A, Alhambra; (626) 308-3222.

17. Rotisserie chicken dinner for four at TiGeorges' Chicken, $19.95. This is no jerk chicken, it's Haitian "poule kreole" — a whole fall-apart-tender bird that's been roasted over an avocado wood fire, marinated with black pepper, parsley, onion, paprika, key lime juice, salt and a few other key ingredients that TiGeorges himself isn't about to disclose. Dinner comes with rice and beans, a salad of greens and pikliz, a fresh, tangy cole slaw made with key lime juice. Don't skip the ti malis sauce (it'll cost an extra dollar, but it's so worth it) — lots of garlic and sour orange juice, some fermented habanero pepper, a little roasted thyme … the rest is another TiGeorges secret. TiGeorges' Chicken, 309 N. Glendale Blvd., L.A., (213) 353-9994, http://www.tigeorgeschicken.com .

18. Sweet rice flour cake at Koo's Grill, $1. In front of California Market in Koreatown there's a bright, shiny cart that sells hot-from-the-grill, sweet, chewy rice flour pancakes filled with a little bit of honey syrup and a few nuts. Golden-brown and delicious, they're great street food, especially good after a game of darts and a couple of drinks at Frank 'n Hank's around the corner. Koo's Grill, at 450 S. Western Ave., L.A..

19. Chile verde burrito at Tacos Por Favor, $5.20. Tender chunks of pork long-cooked with green chile and folded into a big soft-flour tortilla with rice and refried beans: This is a burrito with just the right gestalt. It's big — make that huge — and it's mojado, meaning more chile verde is spooned over the top. Great with a bottle of Bohémia or a watermelon agua fresca. Tacos Por Favor, 1408 Olympic Blvd., Santa Monica, (310) 392-5768.

20. Buy one bottle of wine, take one home free on Wednesdays at Pastis. Warm goat cheese and artichoke tart, mussels marinière or a platter of charcuterie and pâté might put you in the mood for a bottle of wine — or two. And on Wednesdays, you can get that second bottle of wine free if you order a bottle at dinner from a select list that might include a nice Montepulciano d'Abruzzo or a Saint-Émilion. Pastis, 8114 Beverly Blvd., L.A., (323) 655-8822, http://www.lapastis.com .

21. Fresh fruit bowl with freshly baked muffin at Square One, $6.50. It's not fussy or faux-exquisite, no doilies or little ruffles of gold leaf, but the simple fruit salad at this minimalist cafe is amazingly luxurious. The selection of fruits is seasonal to the moment, as if your own private chef had meandered through the market, selecting, for example, white-fleshed Sharlyn melon, perfectly ripe cantaloupe, sweet yellow-fleshed Ruby Grand nectarine, plum, fresh Black Mission fig and half a dozen incredibly sweet deep purple Kyoho grapes. Muffins change daily. Breakfast is served all day. Square One, 4854 Fountain Ave., L.A., (323) 661-1109.

22. Hot dog and soda at Costco, $1.50. What's better than a Dodger Dog and comes with a refillable 20-ounce drink? The parking-lot-concession-stand hot dog at Costco. Yes, Costco. It's a tasty Hebrew National dog (or Polish sausage) in a soft, fluffy bun, wrapped up in foil and smeared with your choice of dispenser toppings: ketchup, yellow mustard, relish and onions. (Sauerkraut is available upon request.) And you don't even need a Costco membership. Costco, 2901 Los Feliz Blvd., L.A., (323) 644-5220; 3560 W. Century Blvd., Inglewood, (310) 242-2777; 1051 Burbank Blvd., Burbank, (818) 557-3783; 13463 Washington Blvd., Marina del Rey, (310) 754-2021; http://www.costco.com .

23. Chinese chicken salad at Tender Greens, $9. It's easy to find silly reinterpretations of this classic salad, but this Culver City salad spot gets it so right. Strips of flavorful, perfectly cooked organic chicken, pea sprouts, delicate julienned carrots, spicy baby lettuces, roasted peanuts, crispy wonton-skin chips and "popcorn sprouts" (pale yellow corn shoots with a lovely sweet-corn finish) are all tossed together with a dreamy sesame dressing. You may never want to go back to the classic. Tender Greens, 9523 Culver Blvd., Culver City; (310) 842-8300, http://www.tendergreensfood.com .

24. Soju or sake with hearty bar snacks for two at Sohoju, $29. They know what you're here for, so the friendly folks at Sohoju, a popular Little Tokyo spot for drinks and "Korean nomadic" food have a board list of tempting package deals for two that offer discounts on drink-food combinations. You can get two beers or hot sakes, for example, with an order of chicken and another of tempura for $19; but our favorite features soju or Taru sake (a cedar-aged junmai sake) plus popcorn chicken and "chillie shrimp." Ordered separately, it would set you back about $37, but it's a deal at $29. Sohoju, 104 Japanese Village Plaza Mall, (213) 621-2288.

25. Goat taco at Monte Alban, $3.75. You might not think "refined" when you hear the phrase "goat taco," but the version at this attractive West Side Oaxacan spot is just that. Tender, mild goat meat is combined with sautéed onions and cilantro and rolled up gently in a large and wonderful house-made corn tortilla. As served in the restaurant (don't get this one to go), the dish looks rather chichi nuevo Mexicano — it comes on an oblong plate with a bit of velvety black bean purée, a wedge of lime, a sprig of cilantro and a dose of zingy salsa verde. And it's a knockout. Monte Alban, 11927 Santa Monica Blvd., L.A., (310) 444-7736.

betty.hallock@latimes.com

Leslie Brenner, Susan LaTempa and S. Irene Virbila also contributed to this article.

Reflection

2006-09-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

I am in my third week of classes and have just realized that by signing up for this program I am avoiding or delaying having a relationship. I signed up with match.com with some friends, but while one friend has found her true love, I have yet to go out with anyone. I am afraid. Why? I am reasonably attractive, intelligent, educated, nice, self-supporting, etc. I have gotten lots of responses, and have corresponded with some of the men, but there is no one who really interests me. I would rather be reading books about theories of education instead of going out with someone. I would rather be spending my three-day Labor Day weekend reading and writing about diversity in higher education instead of having coffee or dinner or going to a museum with someone who seems very interested in me.

This concerns me. What am I avoiding? Do I really like learning that much? Well, yes, I do. I love being in the world of ideas. I am thinking of switching over to the Ph.D. program so that I can totally immerse myself in theory and research. But back to what I am avoiding. I think I have a fear of being controlled again. I have worked so hard to get where I am today (emotionally, psychologically, but definitely NOT financially!), that I am reluctant to let it go. I am reluctant to share my bed and my life with anyone. At this point in my life, I don't have to think of anyone but myself. My children are grown and pretty much on their own. I just don't see myself having to ask my husband or boyfriend for permission or having to take their feelings or schedule into consideration when planning something I want to do. I like my life as it is just fine. So what is the problem? I think I am afraid of having real emotional intimacy with someone. I don't think I can give up who I am. To be continued.....

New Chapter in My Life Begins SOON

2006-08-11T13:32:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to be starting this new chapter in my life! I was accepted to a doctoral program at USC. The semester starts on the 21st, and my classes begin on the 23rd of August. I am still trying to figure out a way to pay for it, though my job will pay for 2/3 of the tuition. That is a really good deal, though having to cough up $7K - $8K a year is going to be tough. I just figured, I am planning to stay at my job for at least a few more years, so why don't I get a degree while I am here, especially since the university will pay for most of the costs? Soooo, I am racking my brains to see how I can finance this new degree.

No knitting done recently. I put away my machines to make more room for me to rearrange the furniture and I haven't put them back up yet. I will, I will, now that most of my money is going to be channeled into paying for school. I will not have any time or money to continue the fabulous social life I've been enjoying over the last few months, so I guess I will be knitting again. I'm serious! I have had a great time with my girlfriends going out to dinner, movies, everything. After Robert passed away, all I wanted to do was not be at home thinking about his death. So I went out a lot. Now, sadly, it looks like my party time (such that it is) is going to grind down to a screeching halt as of August 23rd. Oh well, I have my priorities in life, and education and hopefully a higher-paying job are high on the list.

L.A. is HOT!!!!

2006-07-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

No, I am not quoting Paris Hilton.

It is REALLY HOT here in Los Angeles. Woodland Hills, deep in the San Fernando Valley, was 119 degrees on Saturday. I went out Saturday night and when my friend picked me up here in Pasadena, the car thermometer read 107 degrees. At 6 o'clock in the evening. Later, at midnight in Beverly Hills, the thermometer read 92 degrees. There is supposed to be some kind of energy crisis going on....whole sections of the city don't have any power.

I wanted to call in sick today (I had a very active weekend and I was TIRED), but then I thought about it and realized if I stayed home, I'd sweat to death. I'd rather put in a full day's work in air-conditioned comfort than loll around at home in 100+ degree temperature. I have air conditioning, but feel guilty using it, since I don't pay for my utilities.

So there you go......Los Angeles is in the midst of a heat wave......finally, some weather.....after this comes the fire season, and now that I'm living in the foothills, I am going to be very alert to the potential danger. After fire season comes torrential rains (or not) and landslides.....then we have kind of cold weather for about 2 days, and then it's hot weather again.....and always, always, the threat of an earthquake......

A through Z Meme

2006-07-04T13:37:00.000-07:00

A = Age: 46

B = Birthday: March 19

C = Career: Postgraduate Medical Education, but I just found out I got into the doctoral program in education at USC. When I finish, I would like to work in postsecondary education administration.

D = Dad’s Name: Guillermo

E = Essential Item to Bring to a Party: Main Dish (something I bought or ordered. I don't have enough confidence in my cooking to contribute to a potluck)

F = Favorite Songs at the Moment: Anything from Kenny Loggins’ Leap of Faith CD or Love Me Tender (reminds me of Robert)

G = Goof-Off Thing to Do: Lie in bed all day/night reading knitting magazines

H = Hometown: Long Beach (growing up); Pasadena (today)

I = Instrument You Play: Guitar and piano, though not very well

J = Jam or Jelly You Like: All

K = Kids: Three children: A (24), K (22), S (21) (girl, girl, boy)

L = Living Arrangements: 1-bedroom cottage in the foothills of Pasadena.

M = Mom’s Name: Edna

N = Name’s of Good Friends: Liz, Evelyn, Nanette, Janet, Marny, Jony. Those are my closest friends. I have lots and lots of other good friends.

O = Overnight Hospital Stays: Delivery of children (3x). Funny thing is, when I had surgery for breast cancer, they sent me home the same day!

P = Pets: In my heart, I am still the Mommy of Maxxie the Third, the most handsome and wonderful Shih Tzu that ever walked the face of this earth. I miss him so much.

Q = Quotes You Like: 1 John 1:5-This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.

You’ll win if you don’t quit!

R = Relationship Status: Single…but am still missing Robert…..

S = Siblings: Oldest of 3. I have two younger brothers (44 and 37)

T = Tea: I like Chamomile the best, then Peppermint, then Earl Greys. And of course, Green Tea any time.

U = Unique Trait: I like to help kids get into good schools/colleges. (I’ve done it with my kids and with my friends’ kids)

V = Vegetables You Love: Pretty much all veggies. But my favorites are eggplant and asparagus

W = Worst Traits: I’m a procrastinator and I like to get into my (grown) kids’ business, which they hate.

X = X-Rays You’ve Had: Lots and lots. Teeth, and all the ones they make you take when you have breast cancer.

Y = Yummy Food You Make: I’m not much of a cook, but my kids have survived my cooking and lived to talk about it.

Z = Zodiac Sign: Pisces

If you'd like to do this, consider yourself tagged.

Farewell, Robert, Rest in Peace

2006-06-27T21:34:00.000-07:00

I found out today that my friend, Robert R., died earlier this month. This was quite a shock to me, as he was a young man of 39 and I had sent him several text messages and an e-mail within the last two weeks. I received no response from him, and I surmised that he had gotten back together with his wife and, as a gesture of full commitment to his marriage, I guessed that he promised to erase all ties with women, good friends or not. Robert and I were close friends and for the last 5 years, I have listened to his tales of woe about his marriage, his wife, and their child. I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy, and I knew that while he was--in his mind, at least--unhappily married, he was committed to his child and did not really want to leave his marriage.

Although our relationship--begun 5 years ago during an 18 month separation from his wife--started out tentatively yet passionately, both of us knew that we would never be more than friends because of his commitment to his son and because of my commitment to my children and the fact that I was re-bounding from a very intense relationship. Really, Robert and I were like two birds with broken wings....we were both hurt from our relationships and were just waiting to heal so we could fly again. We gave each other what we needed at that time: a shoulder to cry on, someone to commiserate with and laugh with. He helped me so much by distracting me from my inner pain and I feel I did the same for him. Then one day, he called me and said he and his wife had decided to get back together again. I wished both of them well and prepared to go on with my life.

I would hear from him once in a while (they live about 125 miles away) but only as a friend. Months--almost years--would go by and I did not hear from him, which was fine with me. Then one day, out of the blue, he called me to tell me about his new job, a job I remembered he had wanted passionately. I was so glad to hear he got it. He had moved to Sacramento for four months training. I told him that I had had cancer and was going to begin chemotherapy shortly. From then on, when he could, Robert would call to see how I was feeling and give me words of encouragement, make me laugh, keep me company over the phone as I battled the effects of the chemo. He offered to send me money, because he knew I was unemployed (by the way, I declined his offer.). He sometimes worked the night shift, so he would often call at 2 a.m. as he was driving either to work or from work. When I started working again, Robert would give me a wakeup call at 5:30 in the morning, just as he was leaving for work himself, to make sure I wasn't late for my new job.

We saw each other a few times after I got back on my feet, but our friendship was mainly just that: a friendship. Robert and I both knew that our relationshp was what it was and that it could never be more. We would talk to each other on the phone or text message each other all the time. We would also bicker like crazy over the littlest stupid thing (like politics) and sometimes weeks or months would go by before we would talk to each other again. Then, this past February, he told me he was finally leaving his wife for good. I had heard this many times before, but I believed him this time because he said he had gotten an apartment and wanted me to come over to see it. We made plans for me to do just that, but then we had another argument over I don't know what and stopped talking to each other again. He text messaged me and IM-ed me and I ignored him. Then he started ignoring me, or at least I thought he was ignoring me. After I ignored a final IM from him about three weeks ago, I decided he had been punished enough and text messaged him. No response. I text-messaged him again. Again no response. So I called him. The phone had been disconnected. I sent him an e-mail from work asking him why he changed his number and asking him to call me. I heard nothing back.

Nothing that is, until I got a call from his wife today asking me why I had e-mailed him. I managed to talk myself out of that one, but was thrown for a loop when she said she was trying to figure things out, since her husband had passed. I was stunned. Because of my promise to Robert, I couldn't acknowledge my friendship with him. I asked how he had died, but she wasn't interested in pursuing the conversation. I gave her my condolences and told her if there was anything I could do to help, to please call me back and let me know.

I googled Robert and couldn't find an obituary. I called a friend of a friend who works in the same field and she gave me suggestions on how to confirm whether or not he died. I called the largest cemetery in his city, but he wasn't buried there. So, I thought, there might still be hope. Maybe he isn't dead. Maybe his wife had been snooping in his e-mail and just wanted to confirm before she nailed him. I called the second cemetery and yes, he had died on June 10th of a staph infection and was buried there. When I heard that, I felt my heart grow cold. I persuaded someone to send an obituary to me and after reading it, realized the finality of it all. Robert was dead.

How can I grieve? I cannot call his wife and embrace her and tell her what a wonderful and caring man he was. I cannot call his parents or his brothers and sister and offer my condolences and remembrances of him. I am in an emotional no-man's land. I was NOT the other woman.....I was someone who listened to him and gave him the opportunity to vent his frustrations with his life, his marriage, his job. I never ever asked him to leave his wife; rather, I encouraged him to work on his marriage. While we had been physically intimate, those times were far and few inbetween; our primary intimacy was an emotional one. We preferred our relationship as friends to the one we had as lovers. As I said, months and once even a year went by when we did not talk or see each other. But when we did, it was as if nothing had happened. We could pick up where we left off. There was a joy in our relationship because within that parameter, we lived for the moment and in the moment. I feel that we gave each other what we were lacking in our own lives, in our own relationships. We never demanded anything of each other and respected the limits we had each placed on our relationship.

I just needed to pour my heartache and sorrow out. I know that many, if not most, will think that I am an immoral woman because of my friendship with Robert. Please, I am not. As I said, we were two hurting people who helped each other stop hurting. We filled the voids in our hearts that no one else could fill. Our love was a true love between two friends--accepting, giving, not demanding. I treasure our moments together--both in person and on the phone.

I will miss him so much. Farewell, Robert my friend, may God bless you, may you rest in peace.

This and That

2006-06-02T03:23:00.000-07:00

This photo was taken on their father's birthday. It will probably be the last photo where they are all in the same city for at least 2.5 years. K is joining the Peace Corps!

I like having adult children. They give me all of their hand-me-downs. K and S gave me their digital cameras and S gave me his old ipod. S, in particular, likes to upgrade, and I am usually the beneficiary. I now have three digital cameras, countless computers, a laptop (for which I can't find the cord), an ipod, tons of books, and ALL of their old clothes and junk.

K is leaving soon for the Peace Corps. I am going to miss that sweet child. I love her so much.

I was asked to give a "survivor testimonial" at the Festival of Life here in L.A. I haven't given a speech since my valedictorian speech in junior high. I showed the director a draft of my talk, and fortunately, she likes it.

I guess I'll drag myself to the gym this morning. I am weird, I like to go at around 4 a.m.....any later, and it is too late....even 5 a.m. is too late for me.....I haven't worked out in a couple of months, and it shows. I've gained a little weight, but I look a lot bigger because I look bulkier and softer. I hate it......

I'm Back!

2006-05-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, I have been knitting lately. I've knit two hot pink boucle shrugs as gifts for two little girls and they absolutely love it!!!! Yippee!!!! I picked a winning pattern! I got the pattern from Newtons and it is just sooooooooo easy! I'd post a picture of the shrugs, but I already gave it to the little girls. Just take my word for it.....the shrugs were really really cute!

I've also knit some rectangular shawls as last-minute gifts for friends. I can take pictures of those, but they really don't look great when I put them on the floor for pictures. I'll see if I can get my friends to pose with the shawls.

And lastly, I knit a shrug for myself! Actually, that's what got me knitting again. I went to Newtons' Spring Fling and saw my friend Jean wearing a cute shrug and begged her for the pattern. I saw her on a Friday night, too, at Newtons, and wouldn't let her get away without telling me how to make the shrug. It's a rectangle, but the ends are folded in such a way to make billowy sleeves. And then a simple dropped-stitch collar is added. It is really cute, and quite simple to make. I made one for my boss for her birthday, too.

Anyway, I've had a birthday since I last wrote, and here's the picture:

Those are my lovely daughters, A. and K. My handsome son is still in Pittsburgh, where he goes to college.

Also, we have a scanner in the office now and I can scan the calendar photo of me that was taken last year, as well as the photo of a bald me that just came out in a book on cancer survivors. I'll post those soon!

I've been having a very difficult time, lately. From February to just recently, I had been feeling depressed and exhausted. Everything just started to pile up on my desk both at work and at home. I missed a lot of deadlines for my assignments in my education class, and I finally turned in my application to the doctoral program. It was 9 weeks late. I just could not get my act together! (But I still got an A in the class!).

I finally talked to an endocrinologist, who ran a battery of tests and has signed me up for a sleep disorder test. Now I feel really dumb because I've been reading all these books about health and diet, and according to them, I have been feeling very very tired because I am menopausal. Duh!!!!! Well, okay, fine. So I panicked. I went and saw my oncologist (who thinks I'm crazy anyway, because I was hoping I would lose weight with chemo. "Joy, are you looking at your chemo as a weight-loss solution? Well, it's not.") and the endocrinologist. Hopefully he'll find something (minor, I hope) so that he can give me the new drug that is coming out in July that is supposed to be for people with thyroid problems but also helps with weight loss. I can't believe I just said that! But, yes, I still want to lose weight! Lots of it!

I love my cell phone! I've had it for about a year and half already, but it was only about a month ago that my best friend from law school told me that I could download mp3s into the phone so that it would be kind of like an ipod. I did, and it does! Act almost like an ipod, that is. Now my treo is everything I've ever wanted in a phone: phone, calendar, camera, diet tracker, computer, and now ipod! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!

My daughter is leaving in a couple of weeks to join the Peace Corps. She's been assigned to Central America, which is great, because she loves that area. K lived in Chile during her junior year in college and is quite fluent in Spanish. She also used Chile as a jumping off point to travel all over South America and Easter Island. I have no doubt she will do the same in El Salvador! I am happy that she will be a lot closer to home.....El Salvador is 3 or 4 countries south of Los Angeles (let's see....Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador?....maybe Nicaragua is in there someplace, but I'm too lazy to look it up)....I'll be able to go visit her!

I have a confession to make: This last week I have been obsessed with myspace. I was trying to spy on my kids, but they found out, and blocked me. Oh well. But more interesting, I looked up two old boyfriends and found them via their children. Kids put waaaaayyyyy too much information about themselves and their families online! Anyway, just by reading the kids' (not my kids!) blogs and looking at the pictures, I see that I have made the right choices in life. Although L and his wife look very successful, and I was feeling a bit wistful for the life I could have had with him (I broke up with him to marry my now ex-husband), you know, two parents who stay together and raise their children, who grow up to be beautiful and smart and popular because they are secure in the knowledge that their parents love each other. Anyway, L and his family are all that, but I quickly realized (well, okay, maybe it took a day or too for me to come to my senses) that what L and his wife represent was what I ran away from! Twice! No, not the part about the parents who love each other and stay together and raise their beautiful and smart kids, but the part where one becomes mired in the sameness of everyday life, held down by the expectations and limitations of the same 50 or 150 people who see you every day of your life. I remembered that I did not want to raise my children in a Filipino ghetto (not a socioeconomic ghetto, but just that feeling of being surrounded totally by the same 20 Filipinos who lived on my block, and the same 150 Filipino families who went to our church) because I felt constrained while I was growing up. I felt limited and felt, too, that my potential was being denied, because "nice Filipino girls don't act like that", even though what I wanted to do (like have a boyfriend, go to the college of my choice, WORK) was not so bad.

I was the first female associated student body president at my high school, I was in a beauty pageant, and I was smart. I let my mother talk me into not applying to Berkeley and UCLA ("because you might get raped!") and instead went to UC Irvine because then I could live at home and commute, and more importantly, my parents could keep an eye on me. I let her talk me into living out her dreams and marrying a successful and wealthy and very much older Filipino businessman who was very abusive and who lost his business and everything else in the end. I think she knew that I was getting ready to be sexually active (with L), and so the big push to marry S was on!

Gosh, seeing the pictures of L and his family brought back so many memories of my own late adolescence/early adulthood, and also opened up so many wounds that I thought had healed. I do feel wistful still, when I think about the girl who, 30 years ago, had the world in the palm of her hands, yet let the dictates of her parents and closed society take over her life. I believe that my experiences have colored my perception of the world and led me to make the decisions I made when raising my children.

I love my own beautiful, smart, and popular children, and seeing how they move about in this world makes me so proud. Because I sent them to good high schools, and back east for college, the world is their stage. They have so many opportunities to be happy and successful! And on their terms, not mine, not my Mom's, not the local Filipino society.

He's Married......NEXT!!!!!!

2006-03-07T12:10:00.000-08:00

'Nuff said.

Weekend at Newtons

2006-03-07T12:02:00.000-08:00

I spent the last weekend at Newtons in Anaheim taking a class on hand-manipulated techniques that was taught by Rhaelene. It was great and I learned a lot. Unfortunately, Rhaelene made me promise not to put pictures of her swatches on my blog, so instead I have put up a picture of me holding MY swatch and a picture of most of the women who attended.

These are the women I took the hand-manipulated stitches class with (sorry for the bad grammar).

See how I blurred my gut? I've gained back 8 of the 14 pounds I lost, and I HATE IT!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2006-02-14T10:56:00.000-08:00

And what are YOU doing for Valentine's Day?????

Me, I'm taking my not-so-little-Valentines to dinner with their two Aunts (my sister-in-law and cousin-in-law, respectively). I know, I know, LOSER! But I don't have a boyfriend and anyway, really, there is nobody I would rather be with than my children (in this case, my two daughters, since my son is in Pittsburgh). And I'm taking them to a restaurant where I kind of have a crush on the owner! Look at what I'm wearing tonight:

Red AND low-cut! Hehe. He doesn't have a chance against my low-cut blouse.......

To keep with the knitting theme of this blog, I knit this red v-neck several years ago, when I first started machine-knitting. I think this was the first blouse I made for myself. There are still strings I have to tuck in because I am too lazy to cut them off. It is a Sandee's Kwikknit pattern. There's a better picture of this blouse somewhere in this blog.

Right now, I am working on a 100 Things About Me post. I am only up to about 50, and most of them are about my ex-husband and children. Not too exciting, though, since some of the most interesting (and shocking!) things I refuse to put in writing! Especially on this blog!

Found some inspiration to knit again

2006-02-12T15:28:00.000-08:00

I was browsing on some knitting sites the last few days, looking for a little inspiration to knit again, and what did I find? These lovely machine-knit patterns are from the Knitter's Edge website:

Aren't they lovely? Tricia is soooo talented! I think I will get the shawl that has been on my machine for weeks off and start one of these sweaters. I've also been wearing my green sweater set a lot lately and have been getting a lot of compliments.

Speaking of compliments, in my quest to be more deserving of compliments and to be "date-ready", I signed up yesterday with a pilates instructor for 5 private lessons and 5 group lessons. I am so desperate! I gained back about 4 of the 14 pounds I lost last Fall and want to nip that in the bud. I also want to lose another 10 pounds in time for my birthday next month. I bought a ton of lean cuisine meals in an effort to hopefully emulate my success with the HMR diet food. Wish me luck!

Tying Up Some Lose Ends

2006-01-12T15:49:00.000-08:00

I was reading some of my older entries (it doesn't matter that because I write so infrequently, they are ALL OLD!) and realized that if I were a reader, I would probably want to know what happened or want to know how things turned out regarding some of the situations I'ved talked about. So, here goes:

1. My daughter does NOT have lupus. Remember, she went to a physician here at USC and he told her she had lupus. When I did my research, I read that you need several symptoms before they can diagnose you as having lupus. She only had one. I was upset, she was upset, everyone was upset. One of her roommates in New York had his mom set up an appointment with one of the best lupus experts in the country. Although we couldn't pay his high rates, he agreed to see her and test her for whatever the insurance company billed. And when he got the results--both from the original physician and from the tests he himself took--he was very very angry with the original physician and told my daughter that she should never have been diagnosed with lupus. So we were happy. In the meantime, back in Los Angeles, I had pulled some connections of my own and begged for an appointment with the best rheumatologist here at USC, who happens to be the boss of the original physician. When he looked over her files, including her original tests and the tests from the doctor in NY, he just shook his head and said, K, I really wish you had seen me first. Well, he says that now, but I DID try to get an appointment with him first, but he was booked and his junior associate was the only one available! He said that with a disease like lupus, you cannot diagnose from one or two symptoms. You have to look at the whole picture. He also said that the physician must be very careful in writing his findings, because one wrong phrase, and the patient could be forever labelled as having a "preexisting condition" and therefore, uninsurable. I thank God that we did look for another opinion because we felt in our hearts that the original diagnosis was totally wrong. I give credit to my daughter for being strong and not accepting what she felt was a wrong review on the part of the original doctor.

2. My Brown Suit. I can't find it anymore. All I had to do was add a hem or a trim to the bottom of my camisole. I think it must have ended up in a box of clothes when I moved in October.

3. My Diet. I have pretty much kept off the weight I lost, with the exception of 2 pounds up and down. I am on Weight Watchers now, because I want to lose weight before my birthday in March.

4. My Pink Suit that I was going to knit for my niece's wedding in October. Yeah right. Never even got close.

5. My Calendar Photo. The photo they chose was a close up and I love it. It was different from the other photos they took. I am not sure if I can post it, but if it is okay, and if I have access to the slides, then I will put it up. I've raised almost $1000 for weSPARK with this calendar.

6. My Son Now Thinks He is a Driver. Just because he has a driver's license. I keep telling him, good drivers are born,not made. But he doesn't believe me.

7. My Love Life. Pretty nonexistent. I am not seeing or talking to Robert anymore because I want to free some space in my life for someone who truly deserves and appreciates me. He certainly doesn't. I do have a crush on two guys right now, but I'm trying to figure out if one of them is married, and the other one is kind of young and I know he wants babies, which I can't do anymore.

8. Graduate School. I am in the process of applying. The deadline is on Monday, and I have yet to take the GRE. I'll get around to it one of these days! Wish me luck!

Have a great rest of the week and an even more wonderful long weekend! Ta-ta!

Happy New Year, Everyone!

2005-12-29T12:03:00.000-08:00

Hello, I am back! I cannot believe it has been two-and-a-half-months since I've been on! I have been busy....I believe I had just moved into my new Pasadena place in early October when I last blogged and then right after Thanksgiving I moved again! (Same place, different and oh so much better apartment). I am so much happier in the new place. I don't have internet access yet in my place, so can't work on blogging at night. Also, I was taking a class at USC and there were a few papers that I had to turn in. AND, I have decided to apply to the doctoral program (maybe I shouldn't talk so much about this because I might jinx it) in education. I bought a GRE book and started studying it this morning at the gym. Yes, I can multi-task!

Not much knitting going on.....Today is the 29th and I still have to finish the IOUs for my co-workers. I am making them shawls...they are beautiful....made out of germaine. And I am probably going to spend the New Year's weekend in stormy San Francisco. I have been thinking like crazy how to get out of it, but my cousin from New York has threatened my life if I don't show up, since she spent a lot of money on the ticket to fly there (at my urging, I might add. But how was I to know it was going to rain? And how was I to know that my father and daughter would fly in from the Philippines on December 31st?). Yikes. I don't want to drive in my rickety old car in a thunder and rainstorm to San Francisco. But I do want to live.

THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IS NOT ABOUT KNITTING, IT IS ME VENTING, SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP AHEAD.

Speaking of my father, boy oh boy is he in deep doo doo. My grandmother died at 97 (can you believe that my father, who is 78, still had a mother at his age?) and my father flew to the Philippines to see his family that he hadn't seen in 15 years. My younger daughter went with him. My Dad's wife, the evil Lita, was already in the Philippines living the good life. Anyway, my daughter called me out of the blue around Thanksgiving to apologize for not believing me when I was vehemently against my Dad's new marriage because his live-in seemed to be a gold digger and just an all-around terrible person. My daughter then proceeded to tell me all about Lita and her shenanigans in the Philippines. My father owns a large farm that my cousins run and apparently it is very successful and making a lot of money. This farm has been in the family for about 100 years (I'm basing this on the fact that my father is almost 80 and his father owned the farm before him) and so is separate property, but oh no, when Lita sees this farm, she thinks she is the owner and starts walking all over people and acting like she is Imelda Marcos. And then she starts snooping around and asking people what else my father owns. You see, in the Philippines, some of the people there have a tenuous grasp on truth and legality and fiduciary responsibility and all that, so it is quite easy to forge new documents that would put Lita's name on my father's property. She has already tried that on my father's house here in Los Angeles, and it would be so easy to do that in the Philippines and actually get away with it. And she has been alienating my cousins by moving into their house with an entourage of six people (her children and their hangers-on) and sleeping in their bedrooms and eating all their food and using all their cars. And she moved in for 6 weeks! My cousin and his wife had to sleep in a cot at his office. Out of respect for my father, my cousins have put up with it, but they are so sick of her. And sick of her attitude, too. My cousin told me that Lita called my father stupid and old and goes on and on until my cousin stood up and yelled at her to stop talking to my father like that. Her daughters, he said, call my dad "Papa" in sarcastic tones, like the bar girls (prostitutes) in Olongapo (a U.S. Navy town) call their elderly customers. My father is so lonely and so pussy-whipped by this evil woman that he just sits there and takes it. I've suggested divorce, but he told me that he never wants me to mention that word to him. I have two younger brothers (44 and 38), but they are so naive that they cannot even consider that a woman could be so manipulative and evil. Oh yes, ignorance is NOT bliss! Ignorance is trouble! In fact, against my advice 4 years ago, my stupid youngest brother even encouraged my father to be with Lita. He said he "wanted Dad to be happy". Well, I could see right off that my father was not going to be happy with this gold digger (this is not really an appropriate word, since my father is working class and doesn't really have any money, but it really is what she is). And now my youngest brother George (I am not going to mask his name, let the world know who the stupid one in this family is!) is actually blaming ME for the marriage! When he said this, I sputtered and said, how in the world can you blame ME for this marriage, when I have been opposed to it from the beginning???? And he said, well, you badgered Dad about this marriage. Now let me tell you, that is an absolute LIE. The last word I mentioned to my Dad is marriage, because I did not want that concept to enter Dad's mind, especially in relation to Lita. Because of my opposition to this relationship, my brother went around telling everyone that I was a mean-spirited woman who didn't want my Father to be happy. That is the furthest thing from the truth. I DID want my father to be happy, just not with this particular street-wise, manipulative, evil woman. Because of her, my father did not talk to me for two years because I refused to call her Mom or Auntie. Her position was that I did not respect her if I didn't call her Mom or Auntie. I told my father, Dad, I am forty, not fourteen. I don't have to call ANYONE Mom or Auntie. I will call her Lita, since that is her name. My father was sympathetic to my position, but he was so dominated by Lita, he didn't talk to me for two years, even through my cancer treatment and chemotherapy. That really hurt. What hurt even more was when he didn't invite me to his wedding, even though he invited my brothers. I asked him about it a while back and he said I wasn't invited because I didn't approve of his bride. DUH. ANYWAY. One of my New Year's resolutions is to spend more time with my Father, since it seems that he is lonely and pushed around by Lita and gets bad advice from my stupid brothers. Oh, and let me tell you his house (MY MOTHER'S HOUSE!!!!) is filthy now! When my mother was alive, we could eat off the floor. Now, it is filthy and smells like cat. There are clothes and boxes and stuff all over the house. There is one path from the kitchen through the dining room through the living room to the bathroom and bedrooms. The rest of the house is filled with clutter. No, worse than clutter. Filth. The whole place is a health hazard. THIS is taking care of my Dad? I am going to tell my Father that I am willing to live with him so I can take care of him, but he is going to have to get rid of Lita and the clutter. I am not sure if he will get rid of Lita, but I can stand firm and insist for health reasons that the clutter and filth has to go. Okay. I could go on and on about the evil Lita and her spell on my Father, but I want to talk about other things. And anyway, my ex-husband just called to let me know that Lita will also be arriving from the Philippines on December 31st. She will be on an evening flight, while my daughter and Dad will be arriving in the morning. That's bad news, as I had hoped to have a couple of weeks to try to de-brainwash my Father, but at least it gives me a good reason to cancel my San Francisco trip!

(SAFE TO READ FROM THIS POINT ON. NO MORE VENTING!)

Oops, I lied. Now I am going to vent about how some people do not appreciate knit items. I am making beautiful shawls out of germaine yarn, and I could sense a lack of enthusiasm from my closest friend, Liz. If someone told me they were going to knit or quilt or sew or bake or draw or paint or donate to a charity in my name, I would be thrilled! Those gifts are unique and take time (except for the charity gift) to do. There is always room in my house for crafted items by loved ones. But no, not Liz. So, I went to the Coach outlet in Camarillo last night and bought her a Coach makeup bag, or something like a makeup bag. It's cute, it's name-brand, and it was on the clearance table. So it actually was cheaper than my shawls, which will cost me between $40 - $60 in yarn alone. But only you and I will know that!

Speaking of New Year's Resolutions, I will post mine later this week. I really enjoyed reading crazyauntpurl's resolutions and will probably model my resolutions on hers. (although I've already got mine written out and told my best friends about it, crazyauntpurl's resolutions are much more comprehensive).

Okay, I've got to go....have a wonderful New Year's, everybody, especially to my favorite internet knitting buddy, Sonja! I'm sending you an e-mail, Sonja!

Panic Time--Can't Find My Hat Pattern Book!

2005-10-11T13:11:00.000-07:00

I am starting to panic. I can't find my hat book by Sandee Cherry. Not only did that book have different patterns for hats, it had all the patterns for bulky hats for all sizes! I am so upset! I think I threw it out with the newspapers a long long time ago. Don't ask why it was mixed in with the newspaper, suffice it to say I'm not much of a housekeeper! Drat. And I lost my wooden pattern holder that I prop on top of my machine cover. Darn. Looks like I'll be making different hats this year........

I Have a New Addiction

2005-10-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

I love cable TV. That is all I did this past weekend: I lay in bed and watched cable TV. My favorite channel is HGTV, but I also watched a marathon showing of Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive, at least 6 episodes. Boy, and I thought my kids were brats. Those rich kids are sooooo incredibly bratty. Well, not all of them. Just maybe 4 of them. And the funny thing is, I kind of know one of the kids (the late Anthony Quinn's son, Alex) and my daughter knows Lou Ferrigno's (the Hulk) kid. On the show, Alex was incredibly disgusting, almost gigolo-like, as he tried to hook up with the rich girls. He admitted he was not rich, that he was born out of wedlock, and while he was growing up his father lived with his other family in Italy. But to see him try to worm his way into the girls' affection, after asking them how much their monthly allowance was, was too too much. Disgusting. And he was married (but kind of separated), too. And Shanna, Lou Ferrigno's kid, seemed very nice....just a little bossy, but hey, someone's got to be a leader when surrounded by all these lazy, have-someone-else-do-it-for-them children.

Since this is supposedly a knitting blog, I will refrain from commenting on other people's badly-behaved children (especially when I have my own three kids!), but I do want to say this: Terry Semel! Cut your daughter's allowance and tell her to get a job! I mean, really. She and Fabian were the most spoiled, brattiest kids I have ever seen, aside from Paris Hilton. Such feelings of entitlement.

Anyway, I had to tear myself from the television (meanwhile, boxes remain unpacked in my living room!) so I could go to my niece's bridal shower. Had a great time. And that is what I did this past weekend.

I love my new place...I love everything about Pasadena. It has a kind of small-town feel with a cosmopolitan vibe. I am so over Santa Monica and the Westside, Studio City and Sherman Oaks. I can't wait until my friends start coming to visit me and we can start hanging out in Old Town Pasadena! There's a shopping center 2 miles away from my new place that has everything I need--stores, restaurants, mailbox, everything! There's even an El Torito that has a decent happy hour menu! Yippee! I love you, Pasadena!

I've Moved!

2005-10-03T11:56:00.000-07:00

First the important news: I've lost another pound, bringing my total weight loss to 13 pounds. I am so thrilled I haven't gained anything back! I think that I will start the HMR diet again in November so that I can lose more weight before the holiday season.

Now the hot topic of today: (NO, not the fact that President Bush has nominated a non-judge to be on the Supreme Court--he really is a dodo head, isn't he?)the hot topic is the fact that I have moved lock, stock,and barrel to Pasadena! Yaaaay!

After a grueling 3-hour move yesterday, I looked at all the boxes in my new living room and said whew, I can't believe I moved everything here! Then, at 4:30 a.m., I went back to the Coldwater place, thinking I would just pick up the rest of my clothes and my books and throw everything else out. I opened my front door and nearly had a heart attack. There is SO MUCH JUNK! Even though I had moved all the big items, it seems the closets just opened up and spewed forth all the junk I had been hiding in them! I am taking another half day off work today to sort through the books and throw out the junk. And I am taking another half day tomorrow off to clean the place. My old landlord is having a total conniption fit because the movers threw all my old furniture in his dumpster. He is threatening to charge me for it. What can I do? He will just have to charge me for it, I guess.

Anyway, as far as knitting goes, I haven't knit anything in awhile, but I have decided to do the holiday boutiques this season. After I get settled, out comes my knitting machines! Also, I am going to knit a throw for my niece's wedding present. And I had better get started on the dress I plan to wear! (it's the pink venetian mixed with a little mohair).

Tee-hee. I have got to go back and change some of the commentary beneath my photos. It seems that my page gets hits because when someone googles "cleavage", a photo of my black v-neck (with me and my boobs in it) appears. What losers. I'll bet they are disappointed when they find out the photo is on a knitting blog and I'll bet they get REALLY DISAPPOINTED when they see the rest of my body! LOL.

Also, I went to a memorial for one of my favorite grad school professors on Saturday, and one of the speakers mentioned my blog tribute to her! He said that if one needed proof as to Dr. R's influence on people, all one had to do is google her and see all 226,000 hits; there was even a mention of her on a knitting blog and he related the story of Dr. R, a Christmas tree, and me. I was so embarrassed! Now I have to take my photo off of this site again, and delete all the rants I've written about my children, just in case someone from my old school should recognize me! A friend who works in the department says that people have e-mailed her, saying that the tribute to my favorite professor was so beautiful and touching (I don't want to mention her name again because it might cause my site to be googled) and they want to know who it wrote it. Can you believe that? Neat, but kind of embarrassing, given that I have said a lot of personal stuff here. I just write on the assumption that nobody except Sonja and that person from Phillips Laboratory in Massachussetts (why don't you ever comment? I would love to know who you are!) reads this. I guess I will go back to being purely knitting, but that will be hard, since this site is my therapy!

I'm Still Alive!

2005-09-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

But barely.......Lots of stuff has been going on: my son left to go back to college, my younger daughter came for a 2.5 week stay to get her medical checkup and other sundry tasks done before she goes to the Peace Corps but she left yesterday to go back to New York, where she wants to be based, my older daughter has been having a complete tantrum because I've decided to move to Pasadena to a smaller place so that I could 1) save money, and 2) start the 2nd part of my life (sans kids). Yes, I said I am MOOOOVING ON!

But but but the most important thing that has happened since I last talked to you is this: I LOST A TOTAL OF 12 POUNDS!!!!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!! AND people have noticed!!!!!! I am so excited. Those 300 situps/mininum 40 minutes of cardio/complete weight training for both upper and lower body have really paid off.

Sigh. Lots and lots of things have been happening, some good and some bad. My younger daughter was diagnosed with lupus, but (and I really really hate to cast aspersions) we don't believe the doctor because he seemed so....welll....over zealous in diagnosing her. I did my research on the internet and my daughter has only 1 or 2 of the symptoms for lupus. You need a at least 5 or 7 of the 11 traits or symptoms. My boss is a doctor and I work with lots of doctors and I've talked to some of them and they all say that based on what I've told them, it does not sound as if she has lupus. I hate to do it, but we are going over the doctor's head and talking to the head rheumatologist at our medical center. I googled the first doctor today and discovered he only graduated from medical school a few years ago and just completed his residency a couple of years ago! There is something to be said for experience, and we are going to go for that.

My daughter is so upset because she really really wants to join the Peace Corps but they won't want her if she is diagnosed with lupus.

Now about the move to Pasadena: I can't wait. I do have some concerns (for example, about the extremely small size of the place!), but it is a beautiful area and in a very good neighborhood. I feel really torn about moving away because my daughter is so deadset against it because she feels I should be helping her instead of looking after myself. I do feel kind of like a deadbeat parent, but she is, after all, almost 24 and not 14. She is an Ivy League graduate and is a full-time wage earner and student. She is trying to finish the prerequisites to get into med school (she goofed off in college). I will try to help her as much as I can, but I really need to move on with my life. I spent so much time taking care of my children and their educations and my own education that I am so far behind in the retirement department. I would simply like to catch up.

Finished Green Sweater Set

2005-08-24T11:46:00.000-07:00

Here is a photo of my finished green sweaterset. I've worn it several times to work and out to dinner already. Please excuse the body, even if I HAVE lost 8 pounds so far! Woo hoo!!!!

Finished Green Sweater August 2005

Critique: Sleeves are too long, cardigan is too short. And it doesn't really fit very well, but I'm working on it! (by losing weight and studying how to choose patterns that will fit my body type AND knit them properly). I am not too picky about clothes, and I really like this because it extends my wardrobe. I put all of the stuff I've knit and can wear in one place and it almost filled up a whole drawer in my bureau!

I still have another 2 + pounds of this stuff, so I think I will make a tank top for a friend. But not anytime soon. The yarn, by the way, is Venesian from Newtons.

Now, on to the baby sweater and the pink suit for the wedding!

2005-08-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Your Linguistic Profile:

75% General American English

10% Dixie

10% Yankee

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

A Moment of Pleasure Leads to a Lifetime of Regret

2005-08-18T12:38:00.000-07:00

At least, that was what my then future-sister-in-law told me, perhaps as a warning that I should not engage in pre-marital sex (well, I was ONLY 20 years old when I married!). Geez....even if I did marry her brother......

Now, today, this very minute, I realize the truth of that statement. My few moments of pleasure stuffing my face with fried chicken and lasagna yesterday and a whole bag of popcorn last night have yielded to true regret: I have gained 2 pounds. And I HATE IT!!!

Now tell me, was the fried chicken worth messing up 3 weeks of steady weight loss? NO! I hopped right back on the diet bandwagon today and have been good so far. AND I even woke up at 3:30 this morning to exercise. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and 25 on the recumbent bike. Then I did lots and lots of back exercises (4 machines, 3 sets each, 15 - 20 reps per set, 30 - 60 pounds). And then I did 300 crunches on 2 machines. That's total, not each.

I was so depressed last night from being such a piglet over the food that I didn't even think about my knitting. I'll knit tonight! I promise! At least the back and the sleeves! After all, how hard can it be? It's just a baby sweater. I think I timed it once and I knit the whole sweater in about an hour and a half. Since this particular sweater is going to be a gift, I will probably take more care and not just crank it out. I want it to look good, especially if people are going to know that it was made by me! So, I estimate 2 knitting nights and 1 afternoon of putting it all together.

I Ate Off My Diet and Am Going to Knit a Baby Sweater

2005-08-17T16:28:00.000-07:00

I got in trouble on Monday because my office is messy and because I come in late and have not really been doing any work. Sigh. So guess who is coming in to work right on time and is cranking out a lot of (long overdue) work? You get one guess.

Today was orientation day for the graduate students here and, since I am running very very low on the HMR food, I decided to join the students at their lunch because it was free and because it was THERE, after asking my friend who organized the day if it was okay. Well, let me tell you just how okay it was: three pieces of fried chicken, a slice of veggie lasagna, 2 pieces of garlic bread, salad, and slices of pineapple later, I am stuffed. Literally stuffed. And it has been 4.5 hours since I ate lunch. I don't think I am going to eat dinner tonight....maybe just have an HMR shake.....

There goes the pound I lost this week! I have so little willpower. Okay. I am jumping back on the diet bandwagon and starting over again. I HAVE to lose this weight! I MUST!!!!!

I could go to the gym and swim tonight, but I had a really great workout today: 25 minutes on the elliptical, and 20 minutes on the bike, and a full lower body weight workout: innees, outees, glutes, hams, and quads. Then 300 crunches.

ANNOUNCEMENT: MY BOSS SAID SHE COULD TELL I AM LOSING WEIGHT!!!! YIPPEEE!!!! Someone else has noticed that I am on my way to becoming svelte again!!! Woo-hoo!!!!!! But no, I will not post a picture yet because it's only my stomach that looks a little flatter. The rest of me is still humongous.

Okay. Now it is time to tie knitting into this post, since, after all, this IS a knitting blog!!! Hmmmm.....try and try as I might, I can't think of anything! I haven't knitted in awhile, I already told you that I have looked through my stacks of knitting magazines, and I haven't yet decided what I will knit next. Oh yes, I have: I am going to knit a baby sweater for someone at work. Her baby is already 8 months (oops!), so i guess I will knit a sweater for a one year old. I printed out the pattern and it is from Tricia's website, Knittersedge. I have some pretty lavender Four Seasons yarn. I like that yarn a lot because it is acrylic but looks and feels like cotton. Or should I say, it looks and feels like cotton but is really acrylic so it can be washed and dried in the dryer.

Okay. THAT is my knitting news: I will knit a baby sweater this week.

Knitting and Weight Loss

2005-08-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

Knitting and weight loss. Hmmmm. Let me get the knitting part of this blog out of the way first. I haven't knit anything lately, but I have been browsing through all of my Vogue Knitting issues, Machine Knitting News, and the KnitKing magazines. I am looking for inspiration. I want to update my wardrobe with my knitwear, now that I seem to be getting the hang of of machine knitting. I have tons of venetian yarn and I want to de-stash by knitting wearable garments for work. Also, I have two big events coming up: the memorial for Dr. Roemer, and my niece's wedding.

Since the memorial will be on a Saturday, I am planning to wear something semi-casual. No jeans, but perhaps dress slacks with a KNITTED jacket. I kind of want to knit a plaid jacket, but at my current level of expertise, I think that is asking too much. Or, I might try a twinset in this really pretty shade of green (when I was younger, though, I thought of it as ick-green) in venetian. I spoke with Tricia Shafer a few weeks ago about one of her patterns, and she told me how to program the pattern into my 930. Here are a couple of pictures:

Isn't it pretty? These photos were taken from Tricia Shafer's www.knittersedge.com website. Since I have boobs, I will probably have to shortrow the front so that it will fit properly.

For my niece's wedding, I am still leaning towards a long jacket made with pale pink venetian and mohair. I don't know if I will make a dress (without the mohair, though) or a skirt. I already have a shell that I knit a long time ago. I put up a picture of part of it when I talked about my new necklaces. I plan to wear the brown suit to the rehearsal dinner.

Okay. Now it is time for weight loss talk! I have lost 7 pounds on the diet in the last 3 weeks! I am so excited. I still look the same, though my skirts are a tiny bit less tight on me. I am hoping to lose another 12 or 15 pounds by October 1st, which is the date of Dr. Roemer's memorial. I haven't seen my friends/colleagues/professors in 7 years and I do not want them to see me with the 20 pounds I have gained since graduation. I want to look, if not svelte, then thinner and smoother. No lumps around my waistline! (I've lost an inch on my waistline, by the way).

This diet is a breeze, by the way. No real hunger pangs, because HMR says when you are hungry, just eat! So I do! But I still lose weight! I love this diet!

I have been working out almost every day for the last 10 days. I am disappointed that I can't see much progress, but I do feel a lot better and, as I said above, my clothes fit better, too. I do 40-60 minutes of cardio (elliptical, recumbant bike, and sometimes the treadmill), and a good weight workout for my upper body (chest, back, arms, shoulders) and my lower body (inner and outer thigh, quads, hams, and glutes). I do at least 300 crunches every day. Usually, I break up the upper body workout because I only can spend 1 to 1.5 hours at the gym in the morning.

So why do I want to lose weight? Yeah,yeah, for my health, but the real reason is because I want to get married! And how can I meet anyone in the condition that I am in? So, my goal to lose is 25 pounds this year and another 25 pounds in 2006. Wish me luck!

When I've lost enough weight so people can tell, I will post a picture.

A Tribute to a Life Well-Lived

2005-08-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

I was at the gym at 5 a.m. this morning reading a filched copy of the Los Angeles Times while I was riding the recumbant bike. I don't read the newspaper as often as I used to, mainly because I now get most of my news online. As I turned a page in the B section, I was saddened to see the photo and obituary of one of my favorite professors in grad school. Ruth Roemer was a giant--an icon--in the world of public health. She and her late husband, Milton Roemer, were leaders at UCLA's School of Public Health and focused their research and their advocacy on improving the public's health both from a legal and medical perspective. He (a medical doctor) focused his research on universal health insurance and HMOs, among other things. She (a lawyer) helped to organize abortion law reform in California, campaigned to add fluoride to public water supply systems, and worked on tobacco control issues and myriad other public health issues.

When Ruth Roemer found out I was a single mother with three young children trying to work and earn my master's degree at the same time, she became a mother figure to me. One Christmas, I had absolutely no money to buy a Christmas tree and was feeling kind of blue about that (you know how kids want to see a Christmas tree during the Christmas season!). This wonderful Jewish woman lent me a bamboo Christmas tree with ornaments already on it. It was something she had picked up during her travels. Since she didn't observe Christmas (of course!), she didn't mind my using it to celebrate Christmas with my children. She was such a sweetheart. Later, she nominated me for a fellowship that paid my tuition for 1 year and gave me a stipend of I think about $1000 a month, or something like that. Whatever it was, it made a BIG difference in my life, and in my children's lives as well.

And also, how could I forget her trusty typewriter? In the mid-90s, computers were well-established in academia, but Ruth Roemer clung, for some strange and inexplicable reason, to this ancient typewriter that had lots of quirks but no ink. Random letters that would skip or type out half a line higher. Faded or smeared or partial letters that one could hardly read. A friend who works in the department told me that Dr. Roemer's typewriter was so old the ribbon was no longer manufactured or sold, so someone in the department had to manually re-ink the existing ribbon so that Dr. Roemer could continue to use her trusty typewriter to write her many many letters of recommendation for her students.

One thing that really stood out: Ruth Roemer's devotion to her husband. She kept him going for many years, even when his health was failing.

One last anecdote: I remember a friend and I were looking at the schedule of classes trying to figure out what classes to take that quarter. We went down the list, class by class, teacher by teacher, debating the merits of taking each class that particular quarter. When we came to the name Milton Roemer, we both said THAT is the class to take! He's big! He's a giant! In almost all of the early health services articles we had to read that year, Dr. M. Roemer was cited. We wanted bragging rights, to be able to say we had had the privilege of having been taught by the great Milton Roemer. Unfortunately, the class time either conflicted with a required class or it was held at a ridiculous evening hour, so we couldn't take it, regrettably. But we (well, I did, I'm not sure about my friend!) did take Ruth Roemer's Public Health Law class, and Milton Roemer came in as a guest lecturer and I also heard his lectures on the Canadian healthcare system and international health in other classes, so I WAS a student of BOTH Roemers!

Ruth Roemer was almost as old as my grandmother, yet she was so youthful in outlook and so approachable! It tickled me that most of the faculty and staff in Health Services called her "Ruth". I could never bring myself to call her by her first name....she was just too iconic for me to do that. It was always "Dr." Roemer, even though she had a J.D., instead of an M.D. or a Ph.D. I always had such respect for her....I put her on a pedestal, though she would have pooh-poohed that notion.

I will always remember Ruth Roemer not only for her compassionate nature, but also for the twinkle in her eye that masked a sly wit. She wasn't laughing AT you, she was laughing WITH you! At least, that's what I kept telling myself......

Ruth Roemer, together with her husband, Dr. Milton Roemer, was a true blue activist who tried very hard to leave the world a better place than she had found it. I believe that she succeeded....the world IS a better place becaue of her efforts. I will truly miss her. May Ruth Roemer rest in peace.

Knit a Blouse to Match a Necklace?

2005-08-05T09:18:00.000-07:00

Why not? I went to a street fair in Alhambra last weekend (oh, how I love that East L.A sound!) and bought two absolutely gorgeous necklaces.

I could wear the brown one with my brown suit (the one I plan one wearing to my niece's wedding parties in late October). And it goes with my $20 skirt from the Alley.

The other necklace--which stopped people in their tracks as I put it on. They were waiting for me to take it off so they could grab it for themselves! I didn't take it off!--has several shades of pink beads and pearls plus some grayish stones and is absolutely gorgeous. I was planning on knitting a pale pink rayon + mohair dress ensemble for me to wear to Carla's wedding. I thought I'd wear the necklace to go with that.

Then, I saw Sonja's (fusionknitting.com) v-neck tank and now that's what I want to make. I could make two blouse sweaters with all the rayon I have. One v-neck tank to wear under my suits and another round-neck tank mixed with baby mohair to go with my wedding ensemble. I was planning to make another skirt and a three-quarter length long-sleeve jacket with the rayon and mohair, if I have enough baby mohair. Hmmmm.....I have to think about this.

What is WRONG with Blogger????

2005-08-04T19:55:00.000-07:00

Geez....it erased my new post of tonight, but also erased the last post I did a few days ago. Fortunately, I had it open on another screen, and copied and pasted it in blogger. What is going on? I am soooooo annoyed!

I JUST HATE BEING SO IGNORANT

2005-08-04T19:48:00.000-07:00

I just spent 45 minutes writing a lovely blog posting, and then, in half a second, I pushed the wrong button and poof! it was gone. Now I am in a bad mood. I'll write again sometime this weekend or next week. That'll show this damn computer and blogspot! If I stay away for awhile, then maybe it will behave the next time I come back on!

A sad and tired and aggravated me, after losing one of the most profound posts I've ever written (well, maybe not). It was all about my new diet. And how happy I am to have lost 1 pound so far this week, bringing my weight loss to a grand total of 5 pounds. And how happy I am now that I weigh exactly what I weighed on the day my son was born....BEFORE HE WAS DELIVERED!!!! What? That is something to be happy about? Well, yes, it is, because 2 weeks ago, I weighed 5 pounds more than I did on the day that my full-term baby boy was born. Now THAT'S depressing!!!!!

The pictures on this blog with the bad lighting are taken with my cellphone camera, which has no flash.

Knitting and Weight Loss

2005-08-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

Actually, neither one of them has anything to do with the other. Now, Knitting and Weight GAIN....that's another story!

I lost 4 pounds this week on the HMR diet. I love it. It is great, because everything is portion controlled and I don't have to do any cooking. I would say that this diet is kind of like Jenny Craig meets Optifast, but with much much better food and shakes. At about $600 for 6 weeks, it is kind of pricey, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And I am DESPERATE!!!!!

The website, if you are interested, is www.healthysuccessonline.com .

This weekend I finished the edging on the sleeves of the Black V-Neck. Yaaaay! Now I can wear it without first having to tuck in all the little strings that are hanging. I also worked on finishing the band on the apple green cardigan but am having a lot of difficulty because I goofed at one point while I was knitting. Instead of unraveling and doing over, I just shrugged and said, oh well, and continued on my merry way. I am paying for it now!

I also did some edge swatches. I think I will double half crochet the bottom edge and sleeves of the green cardigan. I can't find my digital camera, but when I do, I will post some pics!

Another Menace on the Road

2005-07-27T17:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I cannot believe it. My son passed his driving test on his first try. I really can't believe it. Last night, when we were talking, I mentioned how terrible his driving was, and he admitted that it probably was because of the vicodin he took after having his molars removed earlier in the week. Oh great. I was a passenger in a tiny car driven by someone whose judgment may have been impaired by (prescription) drugs. Oh great. So he calls me this morning and asks if his sister and I could carpool to work so that he could drive to the Palisades to work on his boss' computer. Just like that. He had had his driver's license for approximately 38 minutes. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I cannot believe the breezy confidence that kids his age have nowadays. I don't remember ever being that confident! I am going to take my time about putting him on my insurance.

One Last Thing Before I Go Home......

2005-07-26T21:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I am so inconsistent. I do three postings in one day and then weeks and weeks go by without a post. I can't help it. I'm on a roll.

Here is a draft of the little blurb I wrote to accompany my photo for the calendar:

Knitting is a connection to the past
An homage to the generations of women before me
Who knit to clothe their children and put food on the table.

Today I knit because I am grateful
For the peace and serenity and sense of order and continuity
I continue the tradition yet break free from the past
Giving my knitwear new meaning
Infused with love and hope for the future.

What do you think? Any suggestions? Thank you!

My Newest Favorite Knitting Reference Books

2005-07-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

I love books. I love the fact that by opening a good book, one can be transported to another place and another time. Or, if needed, one need only open a book to find the answer to a problem or question. I have books of all types, but lately I have been increasing my knitting library. I love machine knitting books, especially the ones from Alles News and Views. Alles passed away a long while back, but her knowledge of machine knitting lives on. I have stacks and stacks of her newsletters. I try to buy the classic machine knitting books as references because I know that a lot of them are out of print. Here is my latest purchase:

Hand-Manipulated Stitches for Machine Knitters by Susan Guagliumi is a classic! In Chapter 1, she talks about how knitting machines work, which levers do what, etc. Not in a superficial way, either. She has illustrations that show the needles' passage through the carriage (I've always wondered about that!), how certain stitches like knit, tuck, and slip are formed, and how to read a chart. And that is just chapter 1! I love this book and I am so glad I was able to get it off of Ebay.

Another machine knitting book I recently bought is by Tricia Shafer of Knitters Edge: "Translating Hand Knit to Machine Knit". This is a great book, especially for me, because I seem to be gravitating towards the hand knit look.

Lately, I have been buying hand-knitting books and magazines.

I was disappointed when Machine Knitting Sources went out of business, but later I found out that it had been absorbed into the INKnitters magazine. Although the patterns at MKS were a little home-made looking, I loved reading about the techniques and what was the latest in machine knitting. Well, it looks as if the publisher of INKnitters has done a great job in combining both hand knitting and machine knitting in one magazine! She gives patterns with both techniques. I love it, and I will surely subscribe to this magazine. The cover photo is what drew me to this magazine. You see, I had been looking for a short sleeve raglan blouse with a wide ballerina-type neck pattern, but coming up short. This blouse fit the bill! I will probably NOT do the ribbing (all those rolls around the bra strap and my waist line, you know!), but I am so glad I was able to find this pattern.

P.S. As you can see, I figured out how to post pictures (the secret: use Mozilla Firefox). Please look down 2 entries below to see the pictures of my black v-neck blouse and my cleavage.

I've Been Tagged!

2005-07-26T18:38:00.000-07:00

Yippee! I've been tagged! Thank you, Sonja, my only internet knitting buddy!

10 years ago
I was getting ready to enter a graduate program in public health, after taking three years off to get over the absolute end of my marriage and law school. I had just started a new job, which was the second job I’d ever had in my life—as an administrative assistant to a professor of public health. I was full of hope and excitement. After being coddled and spoiled for 15 years, I was eager to show the world that I could make it on my own. I was going to study a field that held great interest for me and that would enable me to "save the world", and I was hoping that I would get a great paying job with my advanced degree. I had three children who were 10, 11, and 13 years old.

5 years ago
I was adjusting to the working life. With my graduate degree, I had gotten a $27, 500 a year position with a public health agency. With three teenage children, that did not go far! My boss at the time knew I really wanted to continue work in academia, hopefully as an advisor for students. I had worked in this area as a graduate student and I absolutely loved it. With his help, I got a job helping to set up the public health program at another university. I loved that job, loved my new boss, but hated her successor. I stayed there for a year and a half, then moved on to a real public health position as a program manager at a prestigious medical center. That lasted three months and began 2 years of unemployment (1 year because of cancer) and extreme deprivation. I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to get another job……and now I appreciate every second of employment I currently have. After having 2 icky bosses in a row, I really appreciate and love my current boss. She is great.

In 2000, I also started to date, after being alone for 11 years. I chose the guy carefully, or so I thought. After a few months, I discovered that I was really the “other woman”. His girlfriend was completing her residency in San Francisco, while he completed his in Los Angeles. So that ended that. I met the guy I have been seeing on and off for the last 4 years.

1 year ago
A year ago, I was celebrating the end of my first year at my current job, and a year and a half of cancer survivorship. I love everything about my job, except my salary.

Yesterday
Yesterday, I was stressed out because I had a deadline to meet. I stayed at the office until 10 p.m. last night. Then I realized my deadline was self-imposed and so I went home and had a great night’s sleep. My papers are due this coming Friday.

Today
Today is the first day of my HMR diet. It is now 5 p.m. and I have been faithful or “on” the diet without cheating. That is a major accomplishment! I want to lose 50 pounds, but will settle for 15 pounds over the first couple of months, if I make it that long. I can’t really afford this diet, but I want to start dating again and I know I had better look good!

Tomorrow
Tomorrow I have no real plans. I will do some stuff from my to-do list. I will be good on my diet. I will clean up my office.

5 snacks I enjoy
French fries
Nuts
Fruit—especially tropical fruits like mangos and papayas.
Chocolate
I also really like Filipino desserts A LOT. But really, almost anything that is sweet, or salty and crispy.

5 bands/singers that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs
Kenny Loggins—my absolute favorite! And that is about it.

Things I would do with $100,000,000
First of all, I would not tell my children about my windfall. Then I would ensure my children’s future with trust funds to be doled out to them in a responsible way so that they would still feel the need to work and be productive citizens and raise my future grandchildren to be productive citizens as well. Also, I would tithe a healthy percentage of the money to the church (not necessarily just the Catholic church, but to religious organizations that work for the public good, especially charity work).

Then, I would secure my own future with investments and real estate. I would still work at my job, though. I would cut my hours down to half-time and hire an assistant, but I would still work. I love my job that much.

Third, I would endow all the schools my children and I have ever attended with scholarships for underprivileged children. These include the parochial Catholic schools of my youth and my children’s elementary schools, Harvard-Westlake School, Cate School, Barnard College/Columbia University, Tufts University, and Carnegie-Mellon University, UCLA English Department, Law School, and Public Health, as well as a big big big donation to USC (but not to the Department of Public Health. For undergrad eduation, perhaps.)! Education is big with me! My children are scholarship kids and went to prep schools and elite colleges because good people out there felt that my children could excel in school and life with a little financial help. I would like to make sure that other kids would have the same opportunities as my children.

I would also endow some college schools/departments with scholarships for single parents. I would establish free/low cost day care centers for infants to teenagers in the inner city so that parents could leave their children in good hands and not worry while they work. This would increase productivity on the parents’ part and prevent wrong turns on the children’s part. I would fund public health programs for children and the elderly. I would establish a foundation that would help foster children develop job skills/go to college/transition to the real world. I would hire lobbyists for Sacramento and Washington, D.C. to further my own very liberal social and political agenda, which would focus mainly on education and public health issues. I would make major contributions to the Democratic Party to ensure that we win or maintain a Democratic president. I would establish a foundation to counter all the mis-information that we have had to endure for the last two presidential terms, well, really since the 1980s, with the exception of the Clinton years.

I would do an Angelina Jolie and contribute to already existing foundations to help world poverty and hunger. I would send a chunk of money to foundations in the Philippines and in war torn countries, not only to help re-build the infrastructure but also to help with children and poor families.

After a long day of doing good (see above), I would like to be able to go to my brand new home in Pacific Palisades or Beverly Park and get a massage. I would like to have Pilates every day. I would like to hire a personal trainer to whip me into shape, and a chef to cook low-carb balanced meals for me. I would like to look in the mirror and not see rolls and flab, wrinkles and grey roots. So, I guess that means lots and lots of chemical peels and a standing weekly appointment at the hair dresser. My friends and I have already agreed that if any of us ever wins the mega lotto, then we have to treat our friends to any plastic surgery of our choice in Brazil, the home of the best plastic surgeons!

5 locations I’d like to run away to
Santa Barbara
Fiji
New Zealand
Napa Valley
Taos
(these are all assuming I have the money to maintain a lifestyle there!)

5 bad habits I have
Procrastinating
Laziness
Yelling
Eating too much
Cussing

5 things I like doing
Knitting
Reading, hanging out at bookstores
Talking on the phone
Flirting
Traveling

5 things I would never wear
Anything that shows my fat arms
Miniskirts (Fat legs)
Bra-less blouses (saggy boobs)
Crop tops (flabby tummy, saggy boobs)
Bikinis (stretch marks, flabby tummy, big butt. Oh, face it, my whole body is gross!)

5 TV shows I like
I like reality shows, believe it or not. My favorite right now: Hooking Up.
Law and Order
CSI
Network and Local News, especially the Sunday network news shows
That finance show with Maria Bartolomo. I love her hair.

5 movies I like
I am not really a movie fan, but my favorite movie of all time is Gone with the Wind.

5 famous people I’d like to meet
Do these people have to be alive now? If yes, here are
my choices:
Hillary Clinton
Bill Clinton
Kenny Loggins—I love his music
I can’t think of anyone else.

5 biggest joys at the moment
My kids, in and of themselves
My kids’ academic and life accomplishments, which up to now have been very rewarding for me, if not for them.
Knitting
Exercise
Lying in bed all weekend

5 favorite toys
My Treo phone, which holds my whole life—-calendar, quicken, internet, address book, photos, etc.
My 3 knitting machines, which keep me busy and happy. My kids like the machines, too, as knitting keeps me engrossed and less inclined to get on their cases.
My falling apart Mazda, which takes me wherever I want to go!
My laptop, which also takes me wherever I want to go!
I have another favorite toy, but I don’t think I want to put it in writing…….

That is it! This was fun, but time-consuming.

Well, it looks like I cannot load photos from my work computer. I don't know why.

Black V-Neck Almost Finished! But I Wore It to Work Today Anyway

2005-07-22T14:18:00.000-07:00

Last night it was hot and I was grouchy because after taking my 20-year-old son out to dinner, I agreed to let him practice driving so he could finally get his driver's license. Now honestly, what 20-year-old male does not already have his driver's license? Well, I'll tell you: this particular 20 y.o., because he has a zillion friends who don't mind acting as his personal chauffeur and driving 15 miles from the Hollywood Hills or from Hancock Park to pick up the 20 y.o. only to bring him to their homes so they can play video games, as well as two sisters who also love to drive and spend precious money on gasoline, and a frazzled mother who figures she's done her share of chauffeuring over 23 1/2 years of motherhood and would really rather not drive said 20 y.o. boy (or man, as he prefers to be called) when he could so easily just get his driver's license and drive himself. Oh, and also, Pittsburgh, where he goes to college, has an absolutely fabulous (so I hear)public transportation system, thus eliminating the need for cars for students, and any incentive for him to get his license. Not so here in Los Angeles, where 15 miles is considered a short drive, and distances are measured in minutes, not in miles. (Where does your father live? Oh, about 45 minutes to an hour away. Translation: 40 miles in no traffic. How far away do you work? Well, it's 9 miles away, but a 45 minute drive through the canyons during rush hour.).

Anyway, driving with my son was so traumatic that this morning I hired a driving instructor to lay down the law with him and to practice with him and to take him to the DMV to get his license. Never again will I put my life in that boy's hands. My younger brother had been driving around with my son, but apparently, it hasn't helped much. My son thinks I yell too much, and maybe I do, but when I see a car backing out of a driveway and my son is speeding down Woodman at 45 miles an hour and I point it out to him, I certainly expect him to put on the brakes! But no, he just tells me he sees the guy and keeps on speeding. He says he's not going to hit the car. Well, of course he's not PLANNING on hitting the car (I hope), but how do we know what is going on in the other driver's head? How do we know he's going to stay put? Try telling that to my 20 y.o. Also, I drive a small car, and so when I am driving down a regular sized street, I usually figure there's going to be lots of room between me and the other cars. Not when S (my son) is driving. Seriously, there was about 4 inches between my side of the car (the passenger side) and the cars parked on the street. When I told him, he said he was cool (whatever that means!), and I should really stop shouting. Youth has no fear! Or respect for the elderly! I don't know whether he can't see at night or whether he has a problem with depth perception. Anyway, since I'm not really talking to him anymore, I will just let the driving instructor put my not so little boy in his place.

ANYWAY. I was so grouchy when we got back home that I went to my bedroom and dug out my black v-neck and started to crochet the neckline and the armholes while watching my new favorite reality show: Hooking Up. Unfortunately, I had to go to bed early because my eldest daughter wanted to sleep with me because I have air conditioning in my room and she had to get up early to take her GRE. (She got a 1380 out of 1600, by the way, and she took it cold, without taking a prep class!). So, I finished the neckline and started on one of the armholes, but didn't finish. I wanted to wear it today with my $20 skirt from the famous Alley (behind Santee in the Garment District). It looks cute! See for yourself:

The double crochet trim did not really come through, but the cleavage shot looks really sexy!

Calendar Girl

2005-07-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

Here are two pictures of me with some of the stuff I made. These are from a group of photos that may be included in a fundraising calendar for my cancer support group. The theme of the calendar is "What inspires you/makes you happy?" Of course, I chose knitting! Some of the other cancer survivors said being surrounded by men (lucky girl!), tai chi, roller blading, and (my favorite!) simply lying in bed. I clumsily blocked out my eyes....I'll come back and do a better job when I have time......

I Made Something, Part 2

2005-07-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

Here are pictures of the rest of the stuff I dug up and plan on finishing and making cardigans for:

I Made Something!

2005-07-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

Hello again--I haven't blogged because 1) I've been kind of busy at work, 2) haven't knit much, and 3) I don't have much to say about knitting. BUT....over the last week and a half, I have been on a knitting tear, knitting a little bit at a time. Here is the proof:

I knit a green cardigan to go with the green shell I knit a couple of years ago. Also, I pulled out some of my unfinished sweaters and put them aside for finishing. These include a red v-neck, a black v-neck, and a rust-colored cowl neck sweater. They all need either crochet finishing, strings cut off, a matching cardigan, or all of the above!

My favorite yarn for items for me to wear is venetian, a 70% wool 30% rayon blend. I like it because it is light enough to wear year round (except in the extreme heat we are now experiencing in Los Angeles), yet warm enough to wear in our mild California winters. Also, I don't have to iron it....usually a light steam will make my outfits ready to go in minutes! And the most important thing about this yarn: It was on sale at Newtons a few years ago for $9 a pound! Yes, that is right, $9 A POUND!!!!!!!!

2005-06-27T16:45:00.000-07:00

Note to readers: the knitting part of this entry starts a few paragraphs down.

This afternoon I spent an hour reading knitting blogs and one blog referenced this website: http://www.sfgate.com/alicia/ , about a young woman's experiences and emotions as she fights her second battle against cancer. I cried and I cried, because I could relate to the fear and confusion upon learning one has cancer, and later in her series of articles, when she relates the love and longing she has for her mother, who also died of cancer. After my second chemo, I had what I would call an emotional breakdown. I spent the five days that the poisons coursed through my body crying and wanting my mother,unable to move and so very nauseous. But the nausea was nothing compared to my wanting to be held by my mother, who had passed away 5 years before. My children were away at college and I was all alone during my chemotherapy. When you are sick, you want to be held by someone you love, and someone that loves you back! Whether they want to or not! I wanted so much to be enveloped in my mother's arms, and I am sure I talked to her as I went back and forth between sleeping and trying to sleep. In my heart, I truly believe that my mother was there in spirit, watching over me, worrying about me, loving me as only a mother could.

My ex-husband was kind enough to fly our children in, one at a time, every other weekend, just so that they could see me, see for themselves that I was still alive and that I was going to make it. I loved seeing them, but really, there was not much they could do to help me, other than to hold me and to tell me how their lives were going. Which was a lot. But still, I had to still be the mother and care about them and their lives and solve their problems while lying in bed, when at that point all I really wanted was to be the child. I wanted to be held and comforted.

My cancer support group helped a lot. After my second chemo, after I suffered so much more from the longing for my mother, I went to the support group and my friends there--after hearing of my distress--all gathered around me to give me the hugs and love that I had been wanting. It was wonderful.

And so, because of this experience, I have so much more empathy for those who are sick and sickly. I am more tactile now, and I am not really a touchy feely person with strangers. But, if they are sick and if their eyes tell me that it would be okay, I give them a hug, a pat on the back or on their hand. Sometimes when we are sick, we isolate ourselves, the better to deal with our sickness in our minds, when all we really want/need is to be with others and to have others understand our pain or suffering and to assure us that we are still part of life, that we are still alive. Another person's touch can do so much to alleviate our suffering.

Now for the knitting: well, I finished the bands of the brown shell, but realize that it is a little too short, so I will have to add an inch or two more to the bottom and finish the hem. I cut off all the little strings hanging from the jacket and the skirt. I had a photo shoot (I love that phrase.....it makes me feel like a model) for the cancer suppport group calendar last Saturday. I brought my knitting machine, my two mannequins, and lots of stuff I had knitted (all of which, by the way, were unfinished!) to the photographer's house and we took pictures for an hour and a half. I can't wait to see some of the shots, which of course I will post here. I goofed big time in that I got a haircut on Thursday, and of course my hair was too short. Since I also had my hair colored on Thursday, it was looking and feeling a little dry, so I deep-conditioned it with coconut oil. I forgot that after you deep condition with this oil, you can't just rinse it out, you have to shampoo the oil out. So of course, my hair looked totally greasy at the photo shoot. Oh well...live and learn....at least my makeup looked good! (and so did my knitting!). I wore my brown suit jacket and skirt, and also a red top I had knit 2 or 3 years ago. The photographer promised that he would send me some pictures.

Earthquake Country

2005-06-19T18:31:00.000-07:00

We've had four earthquakes in the last week or so. While I am not prone to panic during these episodes, it does give one cause to think. And prepare. I spent about 30 minutes looking for an earthquake kit on the internet this afternoon. They can be expensive. I also looked up what items should be included in an earthquake kit, and I have about 75% of the items, so I guess I will drag out one of my plastic bins and place all of the necessary items in one place. I paid $300 for an emergency kit about 10 or 11 years ago and now I can't find it. I bought it just before the Northridge earthquake and fortunately, I didn't need it.

My home at the time was built on rock and sustained only 1 superficial crack on a wall. Most of the homes on my street fared fairly well. When I drove down Ventura Boulevard later that morning to see what the damages were, it was absolutely astounding. On one side of the street, the buildings were normal. On the other side, whole facades of buildings had fallen. Some buildings needed to be propped up. Driving down Ventura Boulevard was like driving down a street in a war-torn, bombed-out country. And this was only 1/2 mile from my house.

Days later, I drove by Ground Zero of the Northridge quake. One apartment house had fallen flat like a pancake. The first floor was totally squashed. It looked like it had never existed. The second floor was now the first floor, and so on. I saw pictures of the cars in the carports and they looked like the Wicked Witch's shoes peeking out from Dorothy's house in the Wizard of Oz. A nearby park became a tent city for all of the people who had been displaced, not only from this particular apartment building, but also from other buildings throughout the Valley that had been condemned because of the damange.

Am I scared? Not really. I have complete faith in our emergency system here in Los Angeles. Am I nervous? A little. If an earthquake happens, I hope that it happens at night, when people are sleeping and not too many people are up and about. If an earthquake happens, I hope that my children and my father and brothers will be safe. I hope that we will be able to communicate with each other and assure each other that we are safe and sound.

When the Northridge quake hit, the people of Los Angeles really pulled together. I am confident that this will happen again. Los Angeles is such a blessed city--a truly wonderful place to live--that earthquakes, landslides, runaway fires, tsunami warnings, riots, drive-by shootings, and wife-killers/child-molesters-that-get-exonerated-by-crazy-juries are a small price to pay for living here. I wish these things didn't happen, of course, but because Los Angeles is such a wonderful city, I cannot imagine not living here and will gladly put up with such natural and unnatural disasters.

And apparently, a lot of other people feel the same way.....according to U.S. Census data, about ONE MILLION people have moved to the LOS ANGELES/LONG BEACH metro area in the last 10 years.

Here are some links/interesting info about living in Southern California:
http://interactive2.usgs.gov/learningweb/students/landpeople_s_la_hazards.htm
Living in Earthquake Country Southern California is home to more than 20 million people and is vital to the Nation's economy. Unfortunately, the region is also laced with many active faults that can produce strong earthquakes. The San Andreas Fault is the best known. It runs almost the entire length of California and generates shocks as large as magnitude 8. In Southern California the last magnitude 8 earthquake was in 1857. But smaller temblors, like the 1971 San Fernando and 1994 Northridge earthquakes, occur more frequently. Both of these magnitude 6.7 quakes were very damaging.
An earthquake is a sudden, rapid shaking of the Earth caused by the breaking and shifting of rock beneath the Earth's surface. This shaking can cause buildings and bridges to collapse; disrupt gas, electric, and phone service; and sometimes trigger landslides, avalanches, flash floods, fires, and huge, destructive ocean waves (tsunamis).
More Earthquakes to Come
Southern California has a problem with earthquakes - it hasn't been having enough of them. After the 1994 magnitude 6.7 earthquake in Northridge (northwest of La Crescenta), scientists used new techniques to study seismic activity. They have discovered that Southern California has not had enough large earthquakes to release all the pressure building up underground.
When the tectonic plates under the Earth's crust grind against each other, energy builds. In Southern California, the stresses are distributed along the San Andreas Fault and other smaller faults. When too much stress builds up along a fault, the earth's crust cracks and earthquakes occur. Quakes must occur to relieve the pressure along the faults.
But a look back at the earthquake history of the last two centuries suggests that Southern California should have had seven times as many Northridge-sized earthquakes as it has had. The scientists' conclusion: in Southern California, the probability of a magnitude 7 or greater earthquake by the year 2024 is as high as 80 to 90 percent.

http://gis.esri.com/library/userconf/proc02/pap0535/p0535.htm
Liquefaction-related ground failure historically has caused extensive structural and lifeline damage in urbanized areas around the world. Recent examples of these effects include damage produced during the 1989 Loma Prieta, 1994 Northridge, 1995 Kobe, and 1999 Turkey earthquakes. These and other historical earthquakes show that the distribution of liquefaction-related damage is not random, but generally is restricted to recently alluviated areas that contain low-density, saturated, granular sediments. Extensive young gravel, sand, and silt deposits in the Oxnard Plain and along the Santa Clara River, shallow groundwater, and the presence of nearby potentially active faults, indicate that parts of Ventura County are particularly susceptible to liquefaction-related hazards. During the Northridge earthquake, liquefaction occurred at the mouth of the Santa Clara River in Oxnard/Ventura, in Simi Valley, and along the Santa Clara River between Fillmore and Newhall (Barrows et al., 1995). Settlement and lateral spreading caused by the earthquake resulted in rupture of an oil pipeline near the I-5 crossing of the river, directly east of Ventura County, and initiated an oil spill that contaminated large portions of the river downstream.
The potential for liquefaction depends on both the susceptibility of a deposit to liquefy and the opportunity for ground shaking to exceed a specified threshold level required for liquefaction to occur. Liquefaction susceptibility is the relative resistance of a deposit to loss of strength when subjected to strong ground shaking. Loss of soil strength as a result of liquefaction during an earthquake can result in ground failures at the earth's surface. These failures, including localized ground settlement and lateral spreading, can cause significant property damage. Physical properties of surficial deposits govern the degree of resistance to liquefaction during an earthquake. These properties include sediment grain-size distribution, density, cementation, saturation, and depth. Sediments that lack resistance (susceptible deposits) commonly include saturated, sandy young deposits. Sediments resistant to liquefaction include older deposits that are dry or sufficiently dense.

2005-06-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

Brown jacket on the knitting machine

Brown Suit Photos Below!

2005-06-17T11:21:00.000-07:00

Here are the promised photos of the mysterious brown suit. Unblocked, unfinished, but undoubtedly mine! I will work on it this weekend, really I will, and ask another friend to take a picture of the finished product sometime next week. Now that I've seen the suit in photos, I don't know if I want to model this for the calendar. I might just make a cardigan to go with that green shell and wear it with black slacks. Or else I could finish up another shell (red this time) and make a cardigan for that one.

I am sorry, but I really don't know how to put all the photos in one post. I use bloggerbot, but the instructions for posting are not very good, nor are they clear.

And yes, I know I need to lose weight. I am working on it!!!!

2005-06-17T11:11:00.000-07:00

Detail of sleeve edging. Technique courtesy of Sonja from fusionknitting.com.

2005-06-17T11:10:00.000-07:00

2005-06-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

Forgot the brown shell, so here's a green one instead. I am planning to make a cardigan to match this.

2005-06-17T11:04:00.001-07:00

The skirt (I goofed on the waist size, just in case you were wondering).

2005-06-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

Unblocked, unfinished brown suit jacket

I goofed on the sizing. I am an optimistic person. I just really don't see myself as a size 14 or 16 person! But I don't care. I am going to wear this suit anyway.

Feeling Better Now

2005-06-17T09:57:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling better now. In fact, I felt better right after my anti-kid rant the other day. Soooo....let's talk about knitting.

I was asked to be in a fundraising calendar for the cancer support organization that I volunteer for on Tuesday nights. It will feature cancer survivors as well as women in treatment. The calendar will focus on what has inspired cancer patients/survivors during and after treatment, what makes them feel better. One of the featured women said that she feels inspired when she is surrounded by men (so they took a picture of her surrounded by men!). Another said her favorite activity is to lie in bed (I wish I'd thought of that! It's my favorite activity, too!). And one of my friends said she loves to do tai chi, while another woman (60 years old, no less) said she took up rollerblading. Well, given the range of activities of the other women, I said I love to knit. So they are going to take pictures of me at my knitting machine surrounded by cones of yarn and stuff that I made. So I guess I am going to have to finish the brown suit to wear for the photo shoot, as well as take back the sweater I made for my friend's son's graduation, and do the fringing on all the shawls I have sitting in a pile. All that in the next week. Fun!

By the way, I borrowed my son's digital camera and brought it to work. I will ask one of my co-workers to take a picture of me wearing my unfinished suit. I'll try to post it later this afternoon.

Been Out of Sorts, But I Found the Brown Suit

2005-06-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

Since we last talked, a lot has happened. I lost my unfinished brown suit when I was running around town trying to get errands done before I left for my daughter's graduation in Boston. Problem was, I discovered it at 6:45 p.m. the evening before I got on a plane at 5 a.m. The stores/businesses I had gone to were closed. I was not able to retrieve the suit before I left. I cried and cried all night because I really wanted to wear the suit to K's graduation! I was really upset.

My friend looked up all the stores' numbers and I was able to locate my suit Friday morning when I was stuck in Milwaukee. The owner of the shoe repair shop assured me he would hold it until I returned to Los Angeles.

Here's a picture of the suit (which, by the way is still unfinished):

It is cute, but it is now summer and it is already becoming very hot (90s today in the San Fernando Valley). I won't get a chance to wear the suit before October, so what is the rush to finish? Anyway, my youngest isn't graduating from college until 2007. Hopefully I will finish it by then!

Another reason I haven't blogged is because I've had a very very busy 3 weeks at work. Job evaluations are being conducted and I want to look like I'm productive! Also, I went into shell shock and a bit of a depression when one of the hospitals in our network fired us. Not because of anything we did, but because the pushy doctor I had talked about in an earlier blog wanted to run his own show and do the programs in-house instead of paying us to do the job. Thank God my boss understood it wasn't my fault....but it sure looked kind of bleak for me for awhile, coming as it did so close to the time when the powers that be discuss RAISES.

CRUNCH TIME!

2005-05-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, it is crunch time. I have finished the skirt (well, almost: I need to put the two pieces together), and have done all the pieces for the jacket, including the sleeves. All I need to do now is to put the edging on the jacket and do the bands for the shell. And sew it all together! It is 9 p.m. and I am still here at work because I have a lot of paperwork to get through before I leave for Boston at 5 a.m. Friday morning. Why oh why do I procrastinate so???

I decided to unravel the sleeves of the jacket and just redo them. It was so easy! (Newbie here!). And it looks so nice! Except for one sleeve, because I re-used the yarn I had unravelled and and so that sleeve has a kind of wrinkley look. Hopefully, it is nothing that a lot of steam can't undo!

I had wanted to knit an apple-green cardigan to match a shell I had made a couple of years ago, but I just didn't have the time.

I am really getting into knitting on the standard bed. So much more practical than shawls. I want to knit lots of stuff to show off here!

Got to go.....I've finished backing up my hard drive and am going home to KNIT!!!!!!!

Countdown to the Brown Suit Finale

2005-05-15T13:19:00.000-07:00

Countdown to the brown suit finale. I have hemmed the skirt (thanks for your lesson, Sonja!) and added sleeves to the long jacket. Problem is, I think I made the sleeves too narrow. I was at Newtons yesterday and showed the ladies my jacket and asked what I should do. Their suggestion was to add a gusset to the seams of the sleeves and down the sides of the jacket. Yes, the jacket is a little snug (as in, I wouldn't be able to button it), but I wasn't planning on closing the jacket over my boobs. I am thinking about that suggestion. I could add a lacy or textured panel to those areas, but wouldn't that be creating more work for me? Wouldn't it be easier for me to just unravel the sleeves and re-do them? I wanted to finish all the parts by tomorrow (Monday) night so that I would have time to crochet the edges, if that is what I've decided to do. I have to think about this.

Another thing I have to take care of is the edging around the jacket. I think I might borrow once again a technique from Sonja's knitting blog and do the cabled edging. She did it recently for her Dusk. It is pretty and she said it was easy. If I decide to go the gusset route (as opposed to the frogging route), then my panels will have mini-cables.

While I was at Newtons, I bought new ribber clamps for my standard machine. When my kids came home for the holiday winter break, I took down my machines and misplaced the ribber clamps. Now that I have a set, I can finish the bands on the camisole/tank for the brown suit. I also bought a ton of magazines at Newtons, since they were on sale for $1. I prefer the old Knitking magazines, because the patterns seem more professional, and do not look so home-made. But, I've discovered (through my current stock of Knitking, Machine Knitting Monthly, and Machine Knitting News) that the 1980s were a dismal decade for knitting patterns because of the darn dolman sleeve. It just looks so dated. Most of the Knitking magazines I bought yesterday were from the 1970s. The styles then were more crisp and professional. I bought the magazines with suit patterns, since suits and wardrobe enhancement will be my new knitting obsession this summer. Aside from the suit patterns, I bought the Knitking magazines because there are usually some new techniques that I might like to add to my repertoir.

I also found some other really neat reference and pattern books: 137 Crochet Edgings by Yo Furuta, Finishing Techniques also by Yo Furuta, Brother Chunky Knits, several patterns by Sandee Lightfoot (Summer Twin Set in Thread Lace with Pleated Skirt, Bomber Style Jackets for the Bulky Machine, and Head to Toe [lined mittens, circular knitted socks, gloves, and mittens, etc]), some punchcard designs by Tricia Shafer, Woven Coats by Jill Stern, and The Garter Bar by Alles. I love all of my new books! I know and have bought patterns from both Yo and Tricia, and I love anything that the late Alles Hutchinson wrote. She was a genius when it came to the knitting machine.

Okay. Confession time. I lost 2 pounds last week at Weight Watchers, but I gained 1.4 this week. What a bummer. One of my friends wrote me a pleading e-mail to join her at a WW meeting, so now I have a WW buddy. We met yesterday morning, but our regular day will be on Thursday. The pressure is on!!!!! I went to the gym this morning and was so disgusted to see how big my body has gotten because I haven't respected it enough to feed it right and exercise. I was truly grossed out. So now, I am doing the WW Core Plan, and I pledge to work out at least 3 more times this week before I leave for Boston. No more fries for me!!!! No more fried zucchini! No more breads, cakes, or other desserts! My gym buddy and I have figured out a way for me to work around the food at the hospitals. The food is catered, so it's usually not the yucky stuff they serve the patients or in the cafeteria. I will eat my oatmeal and drink my decaf coffee in the morning, and then at around 10:30 a.m., I will have my pre-lunch meal of tuna and veggies. That way, I will be full by the time I get to the hospitals at 12 or 12:30. I will eat a salad and ignore the desserts.

Okay, that took care of the diet part of my Looking Good Plan. For the exercise component, I will try to go to the SuperSport gym in Glendale in the morning, do the bikes, swim, do weights (not necessarily all on the same day!), and stay there and shower and dress for work. The SuperSport is 10 miles away, kind of on my way to work. My favorite gym (the Panorama City gym) is 10 miles in the other direction and it is in the 'hood. My daughter will not even set foot in that gym because it is in the ghetto. I like it because I've worked out there for the last 4 years (except for the 1 year I was doing chemo and radiation) and I am familiar with all the machines and the people and the parking is free.The Glendale gym is so much better, but I am philosophically opposed to paying for parking when I pay so much to the gym already. More importantly, the people are nice and they are REAL. I was a member of the Spectrum Club in Santa Monica (used to be part of Sports Club L.A. group of clubs) for seven years and it was really a scene. Lots of movie industry movers and shakers, as well as other high powered professionals, and let me tell you, a lot of them were so superficial. That old saying "you are only as good as your last picture or big deal" is true. Not all the people were like that, of course, but a lot were.

Plus, the hours at the Glendale Club are limited. I like 24 hour access, JUST IN CASE I FEEL LIKE DOING THE ELLIPTICAL AT 2 A.M. It's rare, but it's been known to happen.

AT LAST!!! My daughter Likes Something I Made!

2005-05-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

AT LAST!!! My daughter likes something I made! My 23-year-old daughter usually turns her nose up at my shawls and scarves (not her style, she says), unless she desperately needs a last-minute gift for someone. The other day she asked me if I had something she could put her ipod in so it wouldn't get scratched in her purse. Well, I had just the thing: the little "phone sock" I made back in March at Newtons and hand-felted. She loved it!!! It is a ragged-looking little thing, and it needs a type of closure, such as a button or velcro, but my daughter is very very happy with it, so I think I will knit another one especially for her in her favorite color, purple. And it was so easy to make (although it does involve the use of a ribber for circular knitting)! Here is a picture of it:

Perfect size for an Ipod! I will include a pocket on the back for the headphones.

Sorry for the messy blog. I still have not figured out how to put the pics exactly where I want them and how to put more than one pic in a post. Help me, please!!!! Any and all advice/tips appreciated.

Okay, now I've decided to go to the 10:30 Weight Watchers meeting so I have time to write a little bit about my Spring Fling boutique yesterday. In a word, it was a HUGE FLOP. Okay, that's two words. The powers-that-be failed to publicize the event, so all the vendors sold about 1 item each. One of the other vendors bought a shawl from me, and that was it. It was so disappointing. Nobody made any money, especially since it cost $50 for a table, $15 for valet parking, $10 for tips to and from the car for my boxes. I was pissed, and complained in a major way to the management, and just to shut me up, they let me pay $12.50 instead of $25 (I shared a table). Ha! My sister-in-law and the other vendors got a $10 discount.

And this is a major weekend for gift-buying. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I was so so disappointed.

I guess this concludes my holiday boutique/bazaar knitting until October. I'm disgusted with my yarn buying habits and do not even want to think about buying yarn until I've knitted enough to use up at least a quarter of the yarn I currently have. I have enough yarn to make miles and miles of scarves and shawls and ipod holders. I have enough yarn to make tons and tons of baby blankets and hats for gifts. I have enough yarn to make at least three suits and at least 5 sweater sets. It's time now to work on building up my work wardrobe, which is, after all, one of the main reasons I took up knitting. I guess I will put away my bulky machine for awhile and use my standard bed. I will focus on completing my brown suit (haven't we all heard this before?) and starting a cardigan for my other daughter's graduation later this month.

Not to complain, since all the yarn I have is through my own fault, but I have such a major weakness for yarn. When the yarn lady calls me to describe what new yarn has arrived and how beautiful it knits up, I am all ears. I start salivating and making plans to drive the 70 miles to her place. I mentally go through my bills-to-be-paid list and start trying to figure out which bill can wait another month or figure out what I can do without this month so I can buy yet another boxload of yarn. I am truly yarn-addicted! This is so wrong wrong wrong. I worked through one of my friend's drug addiction with her and it made me so sad to see she was so utterly helpless when it came to her dependence on the drug. Her dealer was calling her day and night, enticing her, threatening her, manipulating her. She was powerless to resist. Her body craved it. It was only when we got her back to the West Coast, into rehab, and under the care of a wonderful doctor was she able to beat her addiction.

Now, don't get me wrong, I do not want to equate the lovely V (the yarn lady) with a ruthless drug dealer. She is wonderful. Rather, I just wanted to describe my helplessness when it comes to buying yarn. I cannot resist. I cannot say no. I crave to be surrounded by cones and cones and balls and balls and skeins and skeins of beautiful yarn. The problem is, I cannot afford it on a monthly or even bi-monthly basis.

I am off to the showers and then Weight Watchers. I think the acupuncture is working. I lost some weight last week and can't weight to see if I lost weight this week. According to my scale, yes. Let's see what WW says. My acupuncturist just called and she she has time to see me this morning. Yippeee!!!! Off I go.......Have a great weekend!

Bleary-Eyed But Happy

2005-05-05T05:31:00.000-07:00

It is 4:30 in the morning and I have been up for 3 and a half hours FRINGING, taking pictures of my shawls, and trying to download picasa into my laptop. I also took inventory of the stuff I'm going to sell at the Spring Boutique tomorrow. I don't have a lot, but even if I sell half of what I've made, I will be able to pay off my considerable yarn bill. Also, if people want to special order a shawl with a certain yarn, then I certainly can do that! NOW I'm starting to get excited about the boutique. I should have gotten excited 2 weeks ago so I could have cranked out more shawls. I forgot that this weeked if Mother's Day and that people might want to buy presents for their mother. Well, my friend was right: fringing does open up the shawl and adds something to the whole look. Okay. I'm sold. And fringing wasn't as bad as I thought; I didn't want to make a lot of fringes so I didn't position them too close together. Smart, huh? When I come home tonight after work, I will take a nap and then do whatever finishing needs to be done, including fringing 2 more shawls.

A better view

2005-05-05T05:17:00.000-07:00

My fringing job. it looks better in real life than in the picture.

2005-05-05T05:16:00.000-07:00

F-mole diamist with a slinky in the color "lime". It's really a brown and gold shawl with bursts of lime green and tangerine running through it. It looks really nice.

2005-05-05T05:12:00.000-07:00

Blue woolray with metallic thread running through it. It is cute, but I think I will make skinny little scarves with this yarn. I saw on tv that this is the latest trend.

2005-05-05T05:10:00.000-07:00

This is one of the prettiest shawls I've ever made. This photo doesn't do it justice. It is made with F-mole diamist and hand dyed rayon boucle. Also, the knit side is facing, when I should have shown the purl side with all the little bursts of color

2005-05-05T05:07:00.000-07:00

A closeup of the yarn (I think it is railroad from Silk City Fibers plus black venetian from Newtons)

2005-05-05T05:05:00.000-07:00

Some knitted items start out as a poncho, but end up as a scarf.....because I didn't do a swatch!!!!!

Another picture. This is fun!

2005-05-04T18:31:00.000-07:00

My messy desk 3 days after I cleaned it up. It is a mess again.

Okay, enough playing around.....next photos will be knitting shots!

Got My Camera in Order! Pictures on the Way!

2005-05-04T18:17:00.000-07:00

Here is a view of Dodger Stadium from my office window. See the lights of the stadium?

The card reader I bought so I could download pictures from my new-to-me digital camera to my computer arrived this afternoon. A lthough I wanted to take care of business tonight here in the office, I think I will go home and knit some shawls and spend all night fringing them (Mmmmm.....FUN!!!!!!) and take pictures for the world to admire. I have to do it anyway; Friday is the Spring Show and I'm committed. I've been playing with the camera and here is another pic:

Cleaning Day at the Office

2005-05-01T16:24:00.000-07:00

Here I am in my messy office. I came in today--Sunday--to clean it up. It's 4:30 p.m. and I still haven't started.

Okay, it is 7:30 now and I've gone through my desk a few stacks on my desk, but to go through them, I had to create a new stack on the other side of my desk. Why did I do that? I want to get home in time for Desperate Housewives. Maybe I'll just bring the new stack home and put it in file folders while I am watching Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. Thank God, too, for laptops. I'll do some of my computer work at home.

Why the crunch? Because I am taking tomorrow off to hang out with a friend. And I want to surprise my boss, who was gone for two days last week, with a clean office.

Don't have time to knit. Don't really care. My sister-in-law called to ask how my shawls were coming along. Well, they aren't! I am just too busy to work on the shawls. I did make two shawls this weekend, though. And anyway, I'm not into shawls anymore. I'm more into my brown suit, which I will not be able to touch until after this spring boutique is over. I was looking at the pieces of the suit this morning and boy, is it long! The skirt and the jacket almost hit my ankles. I forgot I was in the planning stages of this suit during winter....and before my bad ankle and knee doomed me to wearing ugly orthopedic mary janes. I had planned to buy some cute brown boots to wear with the suit. I think I will make a shorter skirt and keep the long trailing jacket. I don't know what kind of shoes I should get for this suit, though. This would look great: http://www.bloomingdales.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=43508&CategoryID=336. but my orthopedists and physical therapists would kill me!

I guess I am doomed to get a brown version of one of these ugly shoes: http://www.dansko.com/Our_Products/Collections/Golden%20Gate.aspx?PageID=ALL. I promised them all that I would do everything they said to get my knee better. But wait....this is my daughter's college graduation! I can suffer for one day! I'll wear my ugly orthopaedic shoes on the subway, and when I'm sitting down at the graduation, I'll slide my pretty high heels out of my huge bag and put them on. I'll truly be "sitting pretty"!

I Found the Brown Suit!!!!!!

2005-04-29T23:16:00.000-07:00

News Flash: I found my brown suit!!!!! I'm so happy! It was in a box with other unfinished stuff in my closet. All the pieces are there, except for the sleeves for the jacket. There's just one problem: for the long skirt, I can't figure out which is end is up and whether or not the one hem I have is indeed a hem or a casing for elastic. I can't find my knitting notebook, so I don't really remember which patterns I used. I think it was a Linda Schuster skirt and camisole, the jacket was partly from Sandy Cherry, and partly from some guy. I do remember the tension, however: tension 7. Good thing most of the suit is done.....all I have to do now is knit the sleeves and figure out which end of the skirt is the hem and do all the hems, and crochet the edgings. I'm so excited and so sleepy right now, that I can't think/write straight. Just wanted to go on the record that my brown suit has been found and is on its way to being finished and worn to my daughter's graduation!!!!!!

Can't Find My Brown Suit. Waaaaahhhhh!!!!!!

2005-04-29T17:54:00.000-07:00

I still can't find the suit. I have so much yarn all over my bedroom (which doubles as my knitting room) and the living room that I can't find anything! I want to take pictures of all the yarn I have....and I will....but I am waiting for the card reader I ordered to arrive so I can download the pictures to my computer. Maybe taking pictures of my messy knitting area will inspire me to organize the yarn and look for my brown suit. Time is running out.....I fly to Boston on May 20th. But don't worry, I plan on wearing something I knit.....even if it is not the brown suit. I might just make a sweater set or two (I like Sandy Cherry's patterns). I have an apple green yarn (so fashionable now!) with the tank/camisole already made. All I would have to make is the cardigan, and I don't plan to put any ribbing or bands on it. I would just crochet the edges. I also have a baby/ballet pink, which is not so flattering with my coloring, but I have lots of it. Or I can fall back on my old standby color--black--but it is spring....almost summer....and I want to wear something other than black!

Here's a picture of me taken with my cell phone camera in my messy office. I'm going to surprise my boss and come in this weekend and clean out my office. It's job evaluation time!!!!!

To answer your question in a previous e-mail how I fringe my shawls, I've done both the hand fringing and the machine fringing. I like the look of the hand fringed shawls better, but the machine fringes are quicker. But either way, fringing is still really really boring!

Good (Knitting) News and Bad News

2005-04-24T13:12:00.000-07:00

Well, at last some good news!!!! My dad gave me his digital camera! Yippeeeee!!!!! Now I can take pictures of my stuff and my knitting machine and post them online! Yaaaaayyyy!!! One catch, though: He gave me the camera and that is it, so I have been looking online for a charger and a reader so I can download the pictures from the camera into my computer. Look for pictures within the week!!!!!!

The bad news is this: I finally found the time and the energy to knit and even brought Sonja's (fusionknitting.com) directions for how to hem my brown suit home, but I can't find my brown suit!!!!!!! I've looked everywhere....I think the cleaning lady put it away somewhere....I just have to keep looking....

The other bad news is that I jammed my bulky machine, which is my main machine right now. I don't know how I did it, but the carriage is stuck on the main bed. I had just finished oiling down the main bed and the carriage and for some reason it got stuck. I'll wait a few days and maybe it will get unstuck. At least, that's what happened the last time my carriage got stuck on the machine.

I went to my favorite yarn lady yesterday and yes, I bought another huge lot of yarn. I am really getting out of control with this yarn obsession. I do not even want to think about how much my purchases cost me. The only good thing about my purchases yesterday was that I got a lot of great felting yarn (24 cones--like I have ever felted before, other than the little phone sock I made in March). Lots of variegated wool and matching mohair yarn. I guess felted bags are what everyone is getting for Christmas this year! She also gave me a great price on about 15 cones of mixed types of yarn. I got 3 cones of blue venetian with metallic blue thread running through it (good for my shawls), and a couple of cones of germaine yarn, which I also run with the expensive novelty yarn I buy from her. Those yarns I call the "birthday gift" yarns. My friends and co-workers all like the stuff I knit to sell, but they are way too expensive (for me, anyway) to just give away. I need nice yarn at reasonable, clearance sale prices. The felting yarn and the mixed lot of yarn were great deals and are nice enough to either sell, or more likely, give as knitted birthday/holiday gifts.

BUT I also bought some expensive yarn which I am looking at right now. Really pretty hand-dyed rayon boucle with a matching slinky variegated yarn in Monet-like water colors. The Japanese yarn in wonderful colors that cost and arm and a leg per ball (and it takes 4 balls to make a shawl). But I think that I could sell the shawls for close to $200, enough to make my money back and give me a tidy profit. My friend also told me I need to start putting fringe on my shawls to give my shawls a nicer look and a nicer feel. I hate fringing. But I guess I can do it if that's what it takes to set my work apart and get me the prices that I want.

I have so much yarn, it is not funny. I think I will donate most of the acrylics that I bought when I first started machine knitting to the ladies who knit for hospitals and preemies and for our soldiers.

My new preoccupation: my diet. At least, I am going to make it my new preoccupation. Since I hurt my ankle last fall and broke my arm in January and hurt my knee a couple of months ago, I have not been able to work out at the gym. I am very upset that I am beginning to look more and more disgusting. My stomach has gotten bigger, not just the lower abs, but also the part right under my boobs, where the diaphragm is. It is disgusting. My hips have gotten bigger, and so has my waist. And let's not even talk about my boobs. My face has gotten rounder. My thighs touch when walk. I CAN'T STAND IT!!!!! I am going to go on a diet. My physical therapists say I can't do the treadmill or the elliptical or swim. But they said I can bike and walk in the pool. Oh great. I tried to walk on the treadmill this morning, but my knee started hurting after 3 minutes. So I moved to the bike for 30 unsatisfactory minutes.

When I got home, I rummaged through my bookcases for my diet books and I've decided to do a modified Lindora/South Beach/Weight Watchers diet. I will start on Lindora for 1 week, then move on to the South Beach Diet, all the while keeping track of my Weight Watchers points on my palm. Sound complicated? It might be, but I will give it a try. I have got nothing left to lose....except my fat tummy and big butt and huge arms.

And all because I have no willpower. One drawback to my great job is that I eat a (usually nice) catered lunch every day at the hospitals and then at night I go out to eat at my favorite restaurants. That's the great thing about having my kids away at college; I can do whatever I want and eat whatever and whenever and wherever i want. I don't have to cook or set a good example for them. But boy oh boy am I paying for it!!!!!!!

Death and Dying and the Frailties of Life

2005-04-21T11:32:00.000-07:00

I went to my friend Rochelle's funeral today. She died after being in the hospital for two months, 3 months after it was found that the cancer had metastasized to her brain. I wrote about her earlier......the news about the tumor in her brain was so difficult for me to take......well, now she's dead. Dead and buried.

I've mentioned before that she was a difficult woman, apparently, even in the best of times. But one thing that can be said about her was that she was the best mother to her two children. Not the "best mother given the circumstances", but the best mother, period. I saw it myself.

So why did her horrible husband, Jeff Marks, and her uber horrible in-laws make the last two years of her life so miserable? Why did they treat her so terribly during the last two weeks of her life? Why did they deny her the opportunity to talk to her babies as she lay in the hospital dying? They kept on hanging up the telephone when she'd call and beg to speak to her children. Even when Jeff knew that she was going for the morphine drip and would be dead in two days, even then he would not bring the children to the hospital. It took a court order for her to see her children in the last hours of her life. Imagine that. A court order. To see her own children. As she lay dying. I believe there is a special place in hell for people like that.

At the funeral, while everyone extolled Rochelle's devotion to her children, no one mentioned Jeff's name, or indeed, acknowledged his or his family's presence. No condolences were extended to him. Nothing. Only to her father and her brother and, of course, to her children. Jeff, meanwhile, wore a smirk through the whole memorial service and then later through the burial. Rochelle's friends wanted to spit on him. I wanted to go up to him and say, Are you happy now, Jeff? You won. Rochelle's dead. You have the children. Are you happy that you made this poor woman's last few conscious moments so miserable, so filled with anger? If Jeff hadn't fought with her, if he had extended the least bit of compassion, maybe Rochelle could have had a few more months or years to live, to spend with her children. Instead, she spent the last two years of her life fighting him, fighting his horrible family, fighting to spend hours and moments with her 2 year old and 4 year old, fighting to live. Her immune system was shot.....the cancer travelled everywhere in her body, and eventually made its way to her brain.

And what of me? Why could I not have been a better friend? Why was I not with her during her last few weeks?

Birthday Blues (only very tangentially about knitting)

2005-03-30T19:26:00.000-08:00

My birthday party was great: the food was great, the service was great, my friends are great. So why am I so blue??????

I sold the blue green variegated shawl to my friend, but only for half of my cost. What kind of a business person am I, anyway? I couldn't help it....Liz is one of my very bestest friends.......I made another one (again, to give away as a gift), but just when I was about to finish, I ran out of yarn. I sent an emergency e-mail to the yarn lady, but I think she is out of town. My spring boutique is only a few weeks away, but I hardly have anything to show for it since I keep giving my shawls away. What am I going to do?

I am so stressed out about work. I have mentally checked out (AGAIN), and right now all I am doing is playing catch-up. I had 37 voice mails (some quite angry!) and lots and lots of e-mails to go through. It took me 2.5 days to go through just that. Now I have to start looking at my calendars and working on those for the next few months.

At least I am staying on my diet, kind of. After 7 weeks on weight watchers, I ended up 3 pounds heavier than when I started. Which is not the result I had in mind (in my defense, I was depressed and it was MY BIRTHDAY month!!!!). Anyway, just so that I would take the diet thing more seriously, I signed up for 10 pre-pay meetings. I think I might be able to lose at least 1 pound this week. I hope so, anyway. Sigh.

I am looking at digital cameras, but I am trying to be careful budget-wise this month and next because I have to buy a plane ticket to Boston for my younger daughter's college graduation (she's graduating at least magna cum laude, and if she gets all A's this semester, then it will be summa cum laude. I have brilliant progeny! Woo-hoo!!!!), pay my hotel for three nights, and put aside enough money for the 2 sumptuous dinners that my little girl has planned for those evenings. Thank goodness my ex is paying for the rental car. I wish he would pay for my hotel room, too. And my plane ticket.

The High Cost of Knitting

2005-03-17T20:17:00.000-08:00

This weekend, I finished crocheting the edges around the two purplish shawls I made and gave one away as a birthday gift and the other one as a sorry-I-didn't-deliver-your-Christmas-scarf-on-time offering. And, while I was visiting a friend in the hospital, my favorite yarn lady called about a project we are planning. I asked her, by the way, you never billed me for the yarn I bought last month, how much is it? I have made several shawls and given two of them away. How much are those balls of the Japanese yarn, anyway? She told me my total bill (> $700!!!!!) for the last batch of yarn and then told me the balls of yarn were between $13 - $16 each. And she told me how much some of the cones cost. I almost had a heart attack. YIKES!!!!! That means I have been been giving away shawls that cost about $60 in yarn! And these people weren't even my kids or best friends!!!!! So, the moral is, always ask for your receipt and WRITE DOWN how much your raw materials cost BEFORE deciding to give away your work.

She also told me that my shawls should START at about $125, and that one of her customers is selling shawls similar to mine to some of the high-end Beverly Hills boutiques for $300 wholesale. Geez. That's a lot of money.

The thing is, I actually enjoy making my shawls and scarves and everything else that I knit. If I were to turn it into a total business, then that would take some of the joy out of knitting. I hate deadlines and being rushed. (Ask any of my friends, some of whom are still waiting for their birthday or Christmas gifts). I love knitting for the holiday boutiques because I can knit whatever I want in whatever yarn combination I like and I know SOMEONE out there will love it and pay $50 - $75 for a scarf for Mom, Grandma, best friend, whatever. People are bolder when it comes to buying holiday gifts. But to commit myself to supplying some of the high-end boutiques here in Los Angeles? Ummmm.....maybe not.

On the other hand, I have quite the yarn addiction. At first, I tried to buy only $300 - $400 of yarn at a time--whatever I could pay off in one paycheck. Now it is up to $700 an order and I just placed another order for another 5 pounds of Fortuny-type yarn that usually sells for $115 a pound. I'm getting a great deal, but STILL. I work hard, but I don't earn enough to support this yarn habit. My favorite yarn lady said that I bought $3000 worth of yarn between the end of September to December 31st, 2004. And that is just from HER. For the record, she lets me make payments, so I don't put anything on a credit card. The other yarn people I pay cash up front, but then again, I usually don't spend more than $250 at a time. I think I bought about $1500 total from the other yarn people last year. Maybe I SHOULD try to sell my stuff at the high-end boutiques here in the Valley! At least to recoup my yarn investment (never mind my investment in equipment and other supplies!). Geez. I have to think about this for a bit.

My yarn stash and plans for my birthday party

2005-03-10T18:24:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, I knit three shawls: 2 purplish shawls (variegated blue, purple and green slinky yarn that I ran with this neat variegated yarn that also had blue, purple, some green, and a glittery yet subtle thread) and 1 reddish shawl with a variegated yarn in oriental red, green, and yellow that I ran with a germaine in a oriental red. I just have to crochet the edges and put some fringe. And we all know how I feel about fringing!!!!!!

This weekend, I am going to knit. I've cleared my calendar and all I want to do is clean and organize my knitting room and knit. I've got way too much yarn....and I really should organize them. Right now they are "organized" in huge plastic bins that are marked "Stuff" and "More Stuff". Just kidding. Actually they are unmarked, but one plastic bin holds my so so yarn--acrylics and stuff I really don't like. I probably will donate all that yarn to weSpark, the cancer support group that helped me so much 2 years ago--and the other bin holds my "nice" yarn that I don't need right at this second. I also have a yarn tree that holds 68 cones of nice and useful yarn, stuff that I like to look at and touch. I have two other plastic bins. One holds finished stuff and the other holds unfinished stuff, like all the shawls I've knitted and my infamous brown suit that I am going to finish by knitting the two sleeves of the jacket and hemming the skirt and putting some kind of edging on the shell. And then I've got three huge garbage bags full of yarn I bought at Newtons and from Virginia a couple of weeks ago.

Besides my brown suit, I plan to knit a shell for my friend Cessy. Her birthday was in January, but I think they (my co-workers) all know what a procrastinator I am. I'll also do a worm trim on the poncho I knit for her daughter about 4 months ago so that I can give it to her.

My birthday is next week. Besides work, I am very preoccupied with planning my birthday party. I want to have it at this Middle Eastern restaurant (or, for those who don't know what Middle Eastern food is like, we can call it a "mediterannean-style" food). My eldest daughter and I love the food there. I like the shawarma and the baba ganouch and the humus. I eat there 2 or three times a week (yes, you've guessed it, I'm not much of a cook). My daughter was aghast when I told her I wanted my party there. She says "it doesn't have any atmosphere". Well, so what? It's my party and I'll do what I want!

I love dives, and while this restaurant is not really a dive, it is very homey and low-key, and it is located in a strip mall. Once in awhile I will see a sinister-looking group of people (mainly men), but other than that, it is a great family restaurant. I do feel kind of funny having my birthday dinner in a strip mall, but I really didn't feel like spending $500 for the bowling party or eating at one of the tonier Middle Eastern restaurants in Westwood or on Ventura Boulevard.

I'm Back!

2005-03-02T21:36:00.000-08:00

Well, I am back. Back to work and back to knitting. I have been in a blue funk this month and had pretty much not done any work or knitting. But, it is a new month and I am determined to move forward and catch up with all the things I need to do. (It helps when your boss has a little "talk" with you!).

Anyway, Day 2 at Newtons was wonderful. Believe it or not, I won three more prizes, but I donated one back to be raffled off because I had won a similar prize the day before. I also cashed in my $75 gift certificate and bought lots and lots of wool yarn in basic colors to knit and felt for my May boutique. I was inspired by the hands-on felting class held in the morning. I wore my little cell phone/ipod holder to work for a week afterwards to show it off! Everyone LOVED it! It was nice seeing all my old knitting friends at the seminar.

Although I did not make my deadline to knit all the stuff I wanted/needed to knit, I did do SOME knitting. I made a green shawl (I may have talked about it earlier) that now needs to be blocked and fringed, a red shawl that I need to rip out and do over, and a purplish shawl that I've ripped out and will re-knit. I also knit 6 ultra-lash scarves as party favors for my friend's daughter's birthday party at Knott's Berry Farm. I just used whatever colors I had: three different purple scarves, two all gold, and a purple and gold L.A. Laker's scarf for the birthday girl. Also, I knit a long fairisle scarf and hat set in dark blue and light blue for my godson. Gee, this sounds like a lot of knitting, but really, all the knitting I've talked about here is only 1 day and 2 evenings' worth of knitting. Quick and easy. I LOVE machine knitting!

I want to finish my brown suit. I couldn't wear it for the wedding in January, but my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and I would like to have SOMETHING NEW to wear. I just need to finish the sleeves, hem the skirt and do crochet finishes all around.

I bought a couple of knitting books: Rhigetti's Knitting in Plain English and Sweater Design in Plain English. I've been reading the Sweater Design book because I want to learn how to design my own sweaters and also how to chart them. They are both good books.

Day 2 at Newtons

2005-02-21T14:49:00.000-08:00

There was a hands-on felting class scheduled for 10:30 a.m. on Sunday morning at Newtons. I was so excited about the class that I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. I watched TV, read a people magazine cover to cover, and then finally got up at 5:30 to knit the cell phone holder (or as the instructor called it: the phone sox). I had to tweak the pattern, because the instructor wrote it for someone who uses the ribber a lot. It's a circular pattern. Really

Day 1 at Newtons

2005-02-19T19:46:00.000-08:00

Well, I am happy today! I went to Newton's machine knitting seminar (www.newtons.com) and bought more yarn. Boy, I'd better start knitting again because my yarn stash is threatening to take over my rooms! Anyway, Helen at Newtons has a raffle at the end of each seminar day, and I won three prizes in a row!!!!! Yaaaay! I was so surprised, because I've been going to the seminars 3x a year for 4 years and I have never ever won anything. And today, I won a blocking board cloth, this lucite thingamajig that is meant to hold all my machine knitting accessories, and a $75 credit at Newtons! Yippeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going back tomorrow for the hands-on felting class. Tonight, I am going to knit a tiny purse to hold my cell phone with either the black or red kola wool yarn and tomorrow shrink it down via felting. I also bought a new machine knitting pattern for a jaunty-looking poncho and I think I might knit that tonight, as well. I have burgundy mohair that I can mix with another burgundy yarn. I also have a baby pink mohair that I can knit with a ballet pink venetian wool ray yarn.

I made a green shawl last night with this new yarn Virginia carries called Diamist F-mole. It's from Japan. I knit the shawl with a variegated boucle chenille yarn. The two yarns together are so pretty! The shawl ended up with a really unique striped pattern. I really wish I had a camera so I could model it for you. There's a catch to this shawl, however: I knitted it kind of tight (at least to my eyes.....I normally like a loose, drapey feel/look to my shawls), so I think I might have to add some fringe to make the shawl look bigger and drapier. And we all know how I feel about fringes!!! :( I hate to fringe. But, ya gots ta do what ya gots ta do.

I was happy to go back to Newtons.....it was like going home....I am going to start going back to Newtons every Friday.......

I Bought More Yarn

2005-02-18T09:34:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling better now. And so I am trying to get back to our main topic: knitting!

I went to Virginia (www.tootsiep.com) to buy more yarn and I am so excited about what I'm going to knit! The yarns are beautiful, and if I can ever get myself together, I will put a picture up to show you all. I bought yarns mainly for the show in May. I plan on knitting dressy, spring shawls. I went for color and there are a lot of blues and greens and purples in the yarns I bought. Spent way way way too much, but I couldn't help it! I also bought wool to felt for the bags I am going to make. I hope they turn out okay. I have never felted anything before (at least, intentionally. I have several felted sweaters that weren't meant to be that way!).

Going to Newtons this whole weekend. Hope to see some of you there.

About Cancer and Our Mortality (not a knitting topic)

2005-02-15T16:38:00.000-08:00

Today's post is going to be a little sad, a little philosophical. As I was going back to my office this afternoon, I received a phone call from a friend from the cancer support group I used to go to. She was back in the hospital, because this time the cancer has gone to her brain. I reacted with shock and dismay and with tears, not because I was surprised that this had happened, but that it had happened so soon.

My friend is 41, separated, and a mother of two children, ages 2 and 4. Her breast cancer was way way more invasive than mine, and her doctors had told her not to expect to live to see her oldest child graduate from elementary school. She was diagnosed when her baby was 5 months old. There was a lump in her breast and her baby would not nurse from it. At first, doctors told her it was a plugged milk duct, but she insisted on having it checked. It was cancer.....a very invasive type of cancer. She went through chemo to shrink the tumor and then had the operation to remove both her breasts and then chemo again. Throughout all this her husband and his family tortured her mentally and he taunted her when she wanted to make plans for the future regarding the children. This uncaring idiot would tell her: "What does it matter? You're not going to be around here anyway." Her mother-in-law tried to take her babies away from her, claiming she was an unfit mother because she was sick.

My friend has alienated so many people because of her demanding attitude, but I've seen through all of that.........I've realized that she is demanding and needy because she is scared and she is fighting for her life and she is fighting to live long enough to see her babies grow up. It doesn't matter whose toes she steps on, it doesn't matter what people think about her. All that matters to her is that she spends every single moment that she can with her babies; all that matters it that she lives to see them grow up.

It just breaks me up.

February is a very sad month for me.....as a cancer survivor (I celebrated my 2nd anniversary on February 6th), I count myself very lucky that I have thus far been able to move forward with my life and have every expectation of living to a very ripe old age. But February 2003 was when I had my operation to remove the cancer. February 2004 was when two of my friends from my cancer support group died (and these are young women in their 30s) and another woman who had breast cancer ended up being diganosed with some type of leukemia on top of the breast cancer because of the chemo that was used. And now February 2005 brings me the terrible news about my friend Rochelle. My understanding is that when the cancer goes to the brain, then that is the beginning of the end. My friend Debbie died less than 7 months after the cancer moved to her brain. I want Rochelle to live. I want her to raise her children and to see them grow up, meet their first boyfriend and girlfriend, survive their adolescence and be there when they graduate from high school, from college. She has suffered so much with her terrible and domineering inlaws and her weak and ineffectual and drug-addicted husband. I want for her what she wants for herself: to live.

Life is so fragile. I realize that we cannot take anything for granted. When I was lying in bed during the months of my chemotherapy, I had plenty of time to think. I decided that when I finished my treatment, I was going to embrace life, to be bold, to live life on my own terms. After all, what did I have to lose? Now, a little more than a later, have I done that? No, I haven't. I've needed to re-establish my life, to start over again, to become financially secure once more. I've had to conform, live by someone else's rules, go through the motions of living. My one nod to living life on my own terms has been to pick knitting as my hobby and to pour money into this hobby, even though the money could be better spent elsewhere. But on all other fronts, I've lived my life governed by almost the same fears that haunted me before: making sure my kids were okay and going to school, making sure my job was secure. Also, I've had the additional task of making sure that I stay healthy.

I want more out of life. Life isn't all about work, is it? If not, what is it, then?

I hurt so much right now because someone I know and care about is fighting for her life--fighting to LIVE--with every ounce of her being. And there is nothing I can do to help her. Nothing anyone can do to help her. It frightens me that there is so much about our life that we cannot control. So what do we do? Do we rail about this lack of control? Do we scream at an uncaring God? Or do we (I) accept this as part of the cycle of life? Not all of us are meant to live to a ripe old age, just as not all of us are meant to be mothers or fathers, and not all of us are meant to live a relatively happy and carefree life in an industrialized country. There is so much suffering in this world. This inequity, this diversity, of life is not fair in a way, and I suppose there is a meaning to it, but I just don't see it right now.

After having been sick for a long time, I do not fear death. But, is death a release from the pain and suffering of life? Should I be happy that someone I care about is perhaps close to death and perhaps close to the end of her suffering? What do I do? I've promised to sit with her in the hospital this week after work......and to visit her at home when she goes home. But it is difficult for me....I can't stand to see her suffer......Perhaps it is selfish of me, but I do not think I have it in me to watch another friend die. I don't want to go through it again. I stopped going to my cancer support group after last February because I did not want to become attached to more women who were dying.

One of the physicians at one of the hospitals I work with is an oncologist. Last February, I was sitting in my office crying because of my friend Debbie's death. This oncologist, Dr. V, called about a work matter. He sensed that I was upset and asked me about it. I felt that it was okay to tell him because as an oncologist, he worked with dying patients all the time. I thought he would be sensitive to my feelings of grief. I was shocked when he told me that he did not allow patients to say express anything negative or to give voice to their fears. He said it did not have a place in his office. He urged me to get up and move on. I really don't know if that was the right way to deal with my grief.

Please, if you pray, say a prayer for Rochelle or send good strong happy vibes in her direction. Thank you.

The Stuff I Want to Buy and Other Musings on Machine Knitting

2005-02-14T12:49:00.000-08:00

Had a great weekend. I got a huge check on Friday and I was so excited thinking about all the knitting things I wanted/needed to buy that I could not sleep until 3 a.m. And then my friend Lisa called me at 7 a.m. to remind me of our gym date. I was so tired I couldn't make it and spent my Saturday daydreaming about all the knitting-related stuff I want to buy.

Anyway....Here is how I am going to spend the money (at least, the part I've allocated for knitting): Yarn, yarn, and more yarn. I went to one of my yarn ladies yesterday and bought a huge yarn rewinder, and 3 pounds of alpaca (2 pounds beige for a sweater set with cables and other texture for moi and 1 pound burgandy for a sweater set for moi again), and a pound of boucle wool in hot pink (fuschia) for a jacket. Yes, we machine knitters talk about our yarns in terms of POUNDS and CONES, and not grams, ounces, or balls! I spoke with my regular specialty yarn lady yesterday and she was at the Stitches West convention in northern California. I told her I wanted to buy a ton of yarn to knit for the spring boutique in May. She said I could come over later this week. She's got a great eye for color and texture and she helps me coordinate my yarns so I get the most for my money. The problem with going to her studio is this: she lives in Laguna Niguel and I live in the San Fernando Valley. That is a 150 round trip drive in afternoon/evening Southern California rush hour traffic. It takes almost 2 hours one way. It's tough, but really, it is worth the trip. Her yarn is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! I'll post her website and e-mail on here after I get her permission.

And lastly, Newtons in Anaheim is having their 3-day Spring Fling this weekend. I love going there because I stock up on yarn (I like their Designer wool ray and Venetian wool ray) and other knitting goodies. And Newton's parking lot yarn sale is pretty good, if you don't mind picking through boxes. I am going to go there on Saturday and Sunday to buy my yarn. I love Sunday night, because once in a while, Norman lets us have 2 minutes with the boxes in the parking lot and we can have whatever we can carry off FOR FREE! Last year, I made my way to the chenille and walked off with 7 HUGE CONES of chenille. Some women (those who wear slips under their skirts!) made their skirts into aprons and just loaded up on yarn. I think the winner made off with 15 cones of yarn. It was hilarious. If he lets us do it again this year, I am going to go for the Designer and Venetian wool ray and the germaine boucle so that I can knit more jackets, sweaters, and camisoles for me me me! But on the whole, I usually buy my yarn inside the auditorium and just partake of the 50% discount going on there. That way, I get cones of yarn with matching lot numbers.

Today's Dilemma: Should I buy DAK? (Designaknit). It is SOOO expensive! Josephine (the yarn lady in West Los Angeles) let me play around with her DAK software yesterday, and I want to buy it, but don't want to pay $600 or whatever they are asking. It is outrageous to pay that much for software that is based on antiquated, almost obsolete technology. But, I don't really blame the software designers, since machine knitters are pretty much a small and insular population. The software people have probably figured out that they would not make much profit if they were to re-write new DAK software. I could try to find someone who wants to sell hers, but maybe I should buy it brand new. I've got to do my part to keep machine knitting alive!

That is one of the reasons I patronize Newtons: I want to help keep those businesses that cater to machine knitters in business! Newtons puts their yarns on cones and they also sell knitting machines and all the knitting machine accoutrements. Helen also gives lessons and basically serves as a den mother to those of us who go to Newtons on Fridays nights to practice our knitting. I don't know what I would have done without her help and advice on so many different projects. And the group of women (and men) that go there are FANTASTIC! I just love the people over there....and it is worth the 100 mile round trip drive to be with them, to learn from them, to share with them. My "civilian" friends think I am nuts to want to spend Friday nights in traffic and, to add insult to injury, KNITTING, when I could spend time with them eating out and going to the movies. One of my friends actually told me to "get a life"!!! How RUDE!!!!! I DO have a life.....I prefer to spend my time and money knitting and not always going to restaurants and movies. I told them it was a lifestyle choice. And besides, I could see them the rest of the weekend, if I wanted to. (and I don't always want to! heh heh). I haven't been to Newtons since October(?), mainly because I was knitting up a storm while preparing for my holiday boutiques, and in January and February, I have been too tired. But now, I am going to prepare for my May Spring boutique, so I've got to start buying more yarn and making things.

For this boutique, I think I am going to focus on spring/summer shawls and on felted bags. Have I ever felted a bag before? Well, NOooooooo, but there is always a first time. I've got lots of great ideas from the hand knitting store on Woodman.

Oh, back to what I'm going to buy for myself: I am going to buy a digital camera so that I can post pictures of my work! Can't wait! Got to get back to work......

Toodles!